Weekly Schedule 10/19 - 10/25
2020.10.19 08:25 ZBGOTRP Weekly Schedule 10/19 - 10/25
If you would like to sign up for a lesson or activity, please comment below. Lessons can be over combat, archery, riding, or anything you feel like your character might be able to teach. Counselors are required to host one lesson or activity once a month.
If you have an idea for an activity, such as a campfire, cabin meeting, or camp game, place a comment below with your character name and what the activity will be. We have done away with the weekly meal thread, so if you would like to host a meal, comment below with the day you would like. There will only be one meal per day as to not overlap activity.
NOTE: When signing up for lessons make sure to remember that all characters posted in your lesson must be listed in the XP Tracker Thread
so that everyone can stay up to date on the progress of their respective characters.
Weather Forecast: Partly cloudy and mid-60s throughout the week
|Event ||Description ||Camper |
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|Event ||Description ||Camper |
|Meal ||Dinner ||Zoe Miyazaki |
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|Activity ||Halloween Face Painting ||Lola Davis |
|Event ||Description ||Camper |
|Meal ||Dinner ||Jonathan Johanssen |
|Lesson ||Telegraphing ||Drew & Malcolm |
|Activity ||Movie Night: Hocus Pocus ||Tabitha Windsor |
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|Lesson ||Swordsmanship ||Ash Arano |
|Activity ||Armor Fitting ||Donna Davenport |
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|Activity ||Movie Night ||Delia Quinn-Douglas |
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|Lesson ||Sword & Shield Making ||Peter Schmidt |
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2020.04.28 15:59 Xenosaurian Timeline of the Alien, Predator, Alien vs. Predator, and Prometheus Universe
The following is the official in-universe timeline of events as they unfold throughout the shared continuity of the Alien
, Alien vs. Predator
, and Prometheus
franchises. While the cinematic timeline begins with Predator
in 1987 and ends with Alien Resurrection
in 2381, the shared universe technically began with the 1989 comic Aliens vs. Predator
by Dark Horse Comics (which takes place at an unknown date) and was cemented together with the release of the 2004 film Alien vs. Predator
(which takes place in the same year) and has been further expanded upon ever since throughout various Alien
, Alien vs. Predator
media, notably through the Fire and Stone
(2014–2015) and Life and Death
(2016–2017) comics by Dark Horse Comics. Throughout this fictional history, we see the Weyland-Yutani Corporation (simply known as "the Company") and its ancestral companies, Weyland Corporation (a.k.a. Weyland Industries) and Yutani Corporation (a.k.a. Yutani Incorporated), and affiliate organizations, such as OWLF/Project Stargazer, in their persistent pursuit of capturing and studying the Aliens (a.k.a. Xenomorph) and the Predators (a.k.a. Yautja), with civilians and military personnel, such as the United States Colonial Marines Corps, trying to combat and survive these extraterrestrial threats while either attempting to stop or aid the Company in achieving their goals. 18th Century
- 1715 AD
- Unknown date: Raphael Adolini manufactures a Spanish-made flintlock pistol (which later was owned by the "City Hunter" Predator which stalked the streets of Los Angeles in the summer of 1997). 
- 1718 AD
- Unknown date: Captain Raphael Adolini and his crew comes ashore on Guinea Coast. After battling his crew over his intention to return some stolen goods, a Predator named "the Golden Angel" joins the fight, leaving only Adolini and the Predator alive. Adolini is mortally wounded and gives his flintlock pistol to the Predator, who in return buries the deceased Adolini together with his own alien sword. 
- 1904 AD
- October 10th: The whaler Emma sails to Bouvetøya island, Antarctica, at the start of the whaling season under the Nyberg Brothers oil company. The Emma successfully hunts almost 300 whales during the year. Suddenly the crew notices strange lights falling from the sky, after which the crew recovers a Predator pod and brings it back to their campsite, only to have crew-member Karl Johanssen finding a Predator killing off his entire crew. Johanssen escapes the scene and later returns almost dead due to severe hypothermia before becoming witness to a Predator fighting an Alien. 
- 1930 AD
- Unknown date: A Predator stalks and kills mob boss Bruno Borgia in New Way City, USA, and after showing Bruno's head to his wife Isabella, she shoots the Predator in the eye, causing his blood to splatter on her and her infant son Hunter, after which the Predator is named "Scarface". The now one-eyed Scarface makes a hasty escape, leaving behind some of his equipment, and failing to kill himself during his attempt to escape, he's shamed by defeat for having exposed his race to the humans, and Scarface is exiled by his clan to a planet inhabited by deadly arachnoid alien creatures 
- 1945 AD
- August 6th: Atomic bombs are dropped on Hiroshima, Japan, and according to later US government records, the heat and conflict attracted Predators. 
- 1979 AD
- Unknown date: Last known case of cholera. 
- September 22nd: A mysterious explosion is detected by a Vela Hotel satellite over the Indian Ocean at Bouvet Island, Antarctica. The event eventually became known as the Vela Incident. Initially thought to be caused by a nuclear detonation or an airbust from a meteor crashing down to Earth, it was later theorized by Sebastian de Rosa to be caused by a Predator self-destruct device. Colonel Alexander Woods is in charge of an investigation into the event. 
- 1987 AD
- Unknown date: A Predator lands in a Central American jungle while being tracked by Major Dutch Schaefer and his paramilitary team, leaving only Dutch as the sole survivor. 
- 1990 AD
- October 1st: Peter Weyland is born in Mumbai, India, to an Oxford-educated Professor of Comparative Mythology and a self-taught engineer. 
- 1997 AD
- Unknown date: A Predator stalks the streets of Los Angeles during a very hot summer while being pursued by Lieutenant Mike Harrigan and the secret government organization OWLF (the Other Worldly Life Forms Program) headed by CIA Agent Peter Keyes and second-in-command Agent Garber. Keyes is eventually killed by the Predator, leaving Garber in charge. After following the Predator into its own spaceship, finding a trophy room containing human skulls and the skull of an Alien, Harrigan partakes in a final fight with the Predator, killing it, only to find himself surrounded by his clan-members. The clan leader Grayback or "the Golden Angel" eventually gifts him Raphael Adolini's flintlock pistol. 
- Unknown date: Colonel Alexander Woods submits his final report regarding an unexplained nuclear explosion off Bouvet Island, Antarctica, in 1979, and those believed responsible, but the results are inconclusive. His daughter Alexa "Lex" Woods begins working on 'The Ice', that is Arctic and Antarctic environments. 
- Unknown date: Alexa Woods and her father climb Mount Ranier, but following complications from a broken leg, Colonel Woods dies during the descent. 
- 2004 AD
- October 1st: Days after his 14th birthday, Peter Weyland is granted a Method Patent for a synthetic trachea (a cure for lung cancer) constructed entirely of synthetically-engineered stem cells. It is his 12th registered patent to date. 
- October 10th: Billionaire and self-taught engineer Charles Bishop Weyland (original founder and CEO of Weyland Industries, a.k.a. Weyland Corporation) organizes an expedition traveling on the icebreaker Piper Maru to Bouvetøya island, Antarctica, to investigate an ancient pyramid buried beneath the ice. Crew-member Alexa "Lex" Woods, along with a few other crew-members, is brought on the Weyland 14 helicopter to the Piper Maru, and once on the island she questions why Weyland, suffering from lung cancer, partakes in such a perilous mission (recalling events where her dad Colonel Woods died while climbing Mount Ranier), after which he insists on being part of such a monumental discovery which will inevitably lead to him being rendered immortal through people's memory and the legacy he leaves behind. Discovering the pyramid to be a breeding ground for Aliens every 100 years intended for the ritualistic hunts of the Predators, everyone in the team ends up dead, including Mr. Weyland at the hands of a Predator named Scar (who in turn gets impregnated by an Alien Facehugger), leaving Alexa Woods as the sole survivor working together with Scar to take out the remaining Aliens and the Alien Queen before they reach the surface and take over the planet. The Queen ends up killing Scar before she's sent down into the Antarctic Ocean to be frozen alive. Scar's dead body is later brought on board a Predator mothership by his clan-members, with Lex being acknowledged as an Alien-killer by the clan leader before the mothership leaves the planet. A Predalien Chestburster later erupts from Scar's body. 
- Unknown date: A Predator scout ship detaches from the mothership seen in Antarctica and crashes in Gunnison, Colorado, and releases a Predalien which starts building an Alien hive in the small town, leading to the US military dropping a tactical nuke on the town with a small group of people escaping with a Predator handgun, which is eventually acquired by Colonel Stevens of the US military and brought to Ms. Yutani (eventually leading to the development of advanced technology such as the FTL drives fitted aboard the USCSS Prometheus and the USCSS Nostromo). 
- 2010 AD
- Unknown date: A group of mercenaries are brought to an alien planet acting as a game preserve for Predators. 
- 2012 AD
- October 11th: Weyland Corporation is recognized as a legal entity and corporation under United States law and receives their Certificate of Incorporation from the Companies House in the United Kingdom. Due to the combined value of Sir Peter Weyland's various patents and patent-pendings, the company incorporates with a higher fair market valuation than any other company in history. 
- 2015 AD
- March 27th: Weyland Industries launches first industrialized space mission to install solar panels that align and move in Earth's orbital plane but at an axial tilt, imitating a perpetual summer solstice. The renewable energy gathered in the months following this expedition made Peter Weyland his first billion. 
- June 30th: Following Weyland's success with solar panels, Weyland Industries receives funding from a trio of major venture capital firms. 
- 2016 AD
- February 2nd: Using a precursor to the atmospheric processor of his own invention, Peter Weyland is able to generate a localized synthetic atmosphere above the polar ice cap, effectively ending global warming. 
- July 17th: At the age of 25, Sir Peter Weyland becomes one of the youngest people to ever achieve knighthood. 
- 2017 AD
- December 10th: Sir Peter Weyland is honored with the Nobel Peace prize in Science for his extraordinary atmospheric work over the polar ice cap. 
- December 19th: Using capital from his 2015 success, Weyland acquires copyrights to technology developed by NASA's innovative but poorly funded Project Prometheus. With Weyland's significantly augmented funding for the project, JIMO became a reality and proves the existence of simple life in Europa's ocean. 
- 2018 AD
- Unknown date: A Predator spaceship crashes in Mexico and U.S. Army Ranger Quinn McKenna and a group of PTSD-afflicted soldiers work together to take down a pair of Predators, including a genetically enhanced Ultimate Predator, and prevent a possible invasion of the planet while the successor organization to OWLF, Project Stargazer (with connections to Yutani Corporation), seeks to capture and study the Predators. 
- 2022 AD
- June 1st: Scientists from the Health Division identify the genetic chain of events for 98% of cancers. Using genetically-altered cells as well as elements found beyond Earth's heavens, Weyland successfully deploys an effective cure for almost all cancers. 
- 2023 AD
- February 4th: Sir Peter Weyland is awarded the Nobel Peace prize in Medicine for his cancer cure. 
- February 28th: In a now legendary TED Talk, Sir Peter Weyland clarifies his vision for Weyland Industries, laying the groundwork for the next 50 years of Building Better Worlds. 
- August 5th: Weyland Industries earns patent number 8,128,899 for Method and Apparatus for cybernetic individuals for use in scientific and industrial environments. 
- 2024 AD
- May 10th: Weyland military engineers make first significant improvement to rifling technology since the 19th century, tripling speed and doubling accuracy of projectiles. Exact rifling pattern and twist rate remain classified. 
- September 6th: Weyland Industries makes first foray into the luxury goods market with its Holographic Environment Simulator. It is the first HES able to accurately recreate the aesthetic, mood and sounds of any place in the known world, as well as provide live video feed from any calibrated receiver. 
- September 10th: Weyland Industries introduces first rifle (the Weyland Storm Rifle) able to track targets from over 500 klicks away, as well as determine target's health, physique and whether they can be locked down. 
- 2025 AD
- January 7th: Weyland manufactures the first advanced android prototype model of its kind. He is affectionately called David 1, a name Sir Peter Weyland had initially reserved for his own human son. 
- 2026 AD
- March 22nd: Weyland Industries earns patent number 9,158,239 for a chemical composition (an advanced polyurethane compound) of classified properties able to almost perfectly replicate the biological features and texture of human skin. 
- June 3rd: Weyland Industries earns patent number 10,445,075 for Method and Apparatus for self-adjusting crosshairs that auto-process windage, Coriolis effect, trajectory, etc. -- eliminating the need for spotters and mathematical formulas. 
- September 30th: Weyland acquires the world's largest public biotech firm, significantly bolstering the company's biotech holdings. 
- November 18th: Weyland privatizes NASA's famous Kepler mission, increases its funding 10-fold and within the year discovers 6,546 more bio-compatible planets. 
- 2028 AD
- January 1st: Weyland makes significant adjustments to the David 2 android prototype, facilitating David's first interaction with humans. This initial meeting is very promising. 
- March 31st: Weyland Industries becomes first company in history to achieve a market capitalization of $100 billion in five years. 
- May 20th: Weyland labs in San Francisco discover the body's ability to hypersleep (or stasis function) – the complete cessation of life processes, which can be restarted when stasis is removed. The search for a practical application begins. 
- 2029 AD
- August 9th: Weyland Industries earns patent number 11,280,599 for Method and Apparatus for a device that enhances the capacity of an extraterrestrial planetary environment to support life; effectively the first fully-automated atmospheric processor. This patent is expected to make the founder's famous boast a reality: “There are other worlds than this one, and if there is no air to breathe, we will simply have to make it.” 
- September 18th: Europe's nuclear research co-operative (CERN) runs out of government funding. Weyland acquires the organization as well as their largest particle accelerator and other facilities. 
- December 12th: After years of litigation, Weyland wins the David patent lawsuit against the Japanese start-up Yutani Corporation, effectively protecting the investments of both Weyland Industries and its shareholders. 
- 2030 AD
- Unknown date: The Predator known as "Scarface" is offered a chance for redemption by his clan-members as humans have been using the technology that he left behind on Earth in 1930 to destroy and capture other Predators and to wage mob warfare, culminating in the formation of Neonopolis, the successor to New Way City. The warring mob factions all pay tribute to Lucretia Borgia, daughter of Hunter Borgia and granddaughter of Bruno Borgia (who Scarface faced and killed in 1930). Scarface battles the mob in order to recover the stolen Predator technology and take control over the new city, eventually facing MOTHER, the computer that controls the city, controlled by his old adversary Isabella Borgia who releases a batch of Xenomorphs on Scarface before he ends up killing her along with her son Hunter, which in turn killed his own daughter Lucretia after having genetically enhanced himself with Predator DNA and gone insane. Scarface takes Hunter's head and declares the city as belonging to the Predator. Later, a man referred to as Mr. Weyland buys out Borgia Industries along with the new MOTHER computer, now run by Lucretia. 
- July 27th: Weyland Industries earns patent number 12,004,556 for Method and Apparatus for a device (the Hypersleep Chamber) that can initiate, monitor and terminate hypersleep. HCs revolutionize space travel permitting increasingly longer, more advanced missions and enabling unprecedented discovery. 
- 2031 AD
- August 10th: Terraforming begins on Luna with plans for multiple settlements. 
- 2032 AD
- April 3rd: Weyland acquires four of the largest existing defense conglomerates in the world. These major acquisitions significantly bolsters multinational defense, security, and aerospace technology holdings. 
- May 20th: Weyland scientists discover the inverse relationship between velocity and the flow of time making the long sought-after concept of faster than light travel a reality. The search for practical application begins. 
- 2033 AD
- July 4th: Weyland creates new 5.56 millimeter round made of metals mined from the circumstellar habitable zone planets orbiting within Gliese 581 capable of traveling at max velocity in any atmosphere at any range. 
- October 4th: Weyland Corp's one millionth employee is hired. His name is Dr. Richard Post and he serves as Chief Statistician to the Electronics Division. 
- 2034 AD
- January 17th: Weyland Industries introduces the first FTL-capable SEV (space exploration vehicle), the Heliades. 
- 2035 AD
- May 11th: The National Science Foundation (NSF) lifts restrictions on the commercial use of David androids. 
- June 30th: After android regulations are lifted, the third generation David is deployed internally in order to test human acceptance of cybernetics individuals. Results are encouraging. 
- July 21st: Weyland Industries opens several new offices across the globe expanding corporate presence to Greece, Antarctica, El Salvador, and South Africa to name a few. 
- 2036 AD
- August 25th: Weyland Industries launches the Explorers Academy -- an alternative grad school for underprivileged college students interested in the fields of biotech, nanotech, cybernetics and terraforming. Top graduates of the program are offered positions at Weyland Industries. 
- 2037 AD
- December 15th: Fortune 500 names Weyland Industries number one on their list of “10 best companies to work for.” 
- December 21st: Weyland astronomers note an area of space appearing very rich in minerals and other natural resources. Weyland expected to travel there within the century. 
- 2038 AD
- July 4th: Weyland Industries becomes chief employer of Asian Conflict veterans supplying 35% with steady work. 
- 2039 AD
- March 2nd: Weyland Industries earns patent number 13,345,075 for Method and Apparatus for an add-on feature (Auto-Compensation) to Weyland Storm capable of compensating for composition, density, pressure and refractive index of any atmosphere. 
- May 28th: Using the Weyland Atmospheric Processor, the first functional and breathable atmosphere is produced on planet GJ 667Cc clearing the way for further terraforming activities on other planets. 
- May 14th: Weyland astronomers discover multiple moons (including Acheron LV-426) and a ringed planet just outside the Zeta 2 Reticula System, which are possibly able to support life. Weyland expects to travel there within the century. 
- 2042 AD
- April 1st: David 4 becomes the first commercially available model of the David series. He is eventually expected to improve work-flow and efficiency at offices and homes across the world. 
- August 18th: Weyland Industries awarded government contract to build and maintain HD 85512 b Class E Correctional Unit. Prisoners from Earth and other facilities are successfully relocated, and many have since been rehabilitated into society. 
- 2042 AD
- November 20th: Weyland Industries writes $5 billion check to Little Explorers -- a charity dedicated to the education of troubled middle school students interested in science and technology. 
- 2051 AD
- April 19th: Weyland Industries makes essential updates to on-planet transport. The new vehicle (the RT01 Group Transport) is capable of traversing any known terrain and has virtually no weight limit for cargo, passengers and equipment. 
- 2052 AD
- February 14th: Weyland Industries earns patent number 14,524,002 for Method and Apparatus for first manned land-vehicle (the ATV NR6) capable of negotiating vertical surfaces. This technology permits Weyland scientists and terraforming teams to reach previously inaccessible destinations. 
- July 7th: Weyland makes significant intellectual and emotional updates to the David 5 android, further increasing human acceptance. 
- 2055 AD
- August 1st: NAFE (National Association for Female Executives) names Weyland Industries a Top 50 Company for Executive Women. 
- 2056 AD
- January 29th: Weyland Industries earns patent number 15,725,924 for Method and Apparatus for a mechanised exo-skeleton (the Power Loader) used for lifting and moving heavy objects such as crates and vehicle weaponry. 
- 2057 AD
- May 6th: Weyland Industries earns patent number 15,999,127 for Method and Apparatus for an ejectable luxury lifeboat pod able to sustain one human life for up to 50 years. 
- 2059 AD
- July 22nd: Weyland introduces unique expedition security apparatus (or Portable Decontamination Pack) able to decontaminate indoor and outdoor environments. Apparatus mines surrounding air for flammable compounds, making it ultra light-weight as well as self-replenishing. 
- 2060 AD
- August 9th: Weyland Industries introduces revolutionary, game-changing language tool (the Broca Dialectical Implant). It is the first-ever to require no actual learning on the consumer's behalf. 
- 2061 AD
- September 2nd: Weyland Industries earns patent number 16,572,092 for Method and Apparatus for the first fully-automated diagnosis and surgical station (the Medpod 720I). 
- 2062 AD
- February 26th: Only 7% of humans can recognize the sixth generation of David as a cybernetic individual. 
- 2063 AD
- December 1st: Weyland Industries earns patent number 17,900,353 for Method and Apparatus for an antigravity device (the Spectagraph) that 3D live-maps any foreign terrain, revolutionizing the pre-process of terraforming and developing new colonies. 
- 2064 AD
- August 11th: Significantly upgraded space suit includes a variety of Weyland patented features, such as cadium exo-skeleton; info display with mission details; vitals: environmental stats and more. 
- 2065 AD
- June 23rd: Sir Peter Weyland Memorial Library built in Washington, DC. 
- November 20th: As Weyland Industries expands their terraforming activities and colonial endeavors, the company is approached by the US government to begin work on the formation of a colonial peacekeeping force trained or populated by marines in the event of future conflict. 
- 2066 AD
- April 7th: As production costs for the David series decreases, Weyland Industries is increasingly able to extend those savings to everyday consumers, leading to remarkable proliferation of the product. 
- 2068 AD
- July 6th: Weyland builds and successfully deploys thousands of Seventh Generation Davids into workplaces across the universe. Human acceptance of David 7 reaches an all-time high thanks to Weyland's highly classified emotional encoding technology, David 7 can accurately replicate most human emotions down to the tiniest nuance while consistently achieving all mission objectives. 
- 2069 AD
- July 13th: Samuel Brett is born in Houston, Texas, United States. 
- 2070 AD
- June 30th: Since FDA approval, one dozen Medpods have been produced with tens of thousands on back order. 
- 2071 AD
- May 13th: Weyland Industries becomes Worldwide Olympic Partner and official “Cybernetics Company” of the Olympic movement through 2091. 
- August 16th: Weyland Industries earns patent number 18,364,003 for Method and Apparatus for device (the Synapse Reestablisher) able to temporarily restart brain activity of deceased individuals. 
- 2072 AD
- March 9th: Weyland Industries consolidates all products and solutions into seven verticals: health, transportation, energy, electronics, terraforming, security and cybernetics. 
- 2073 AD
- January 1st: Based on recent classified findings by Weyland researchers, the company determines the exact coordinates of a new destination for long-time pet project: Project Prometheus. New round of investment is immediately opened and mission planning enters full-swing. 
- 2076 AD
- February 27th: Arthur J. Dallas is born in Wolf Point, Montana – United States. 
- 2080 AD
- February 4th: Dennis Parker is born in San Diego, California, United States. 
- 2083 AD
- April 20th: Thomas Kane is born in Borehamwood, Herts-UK, European Union. 
- 2091 AD
- Unknown date: The Prometheus mission leaves for LV-223. 
- 2092 AD
- January 7th: Ellen Ripley is born in Olympia, Luna, United States. 
- 2093 AD
- November 7th: Joan Lambert is born in Ontario, Canada. 
- Unknown date: Sir Peter Weyland, on a secret mission to be freed from his elderly sickly state and acquire eternal life, travels with a crew of scientists aboard the spaceship USCSS Prometheus to planet LV-223 to find the creators of mankind, called the Engineers, and ends up discovering a pathogenic mutagen with the ability to create Aliens as well as a hostile Engineer, leaving everyone in the crew dead, including Mr. Weyland, except for Doctor Elizabeth Shaw and the beheaded android David 8 who uses an Engineer Juggernaut spaceship to travel to the homeworld of the Engineers. 
- 2094 AD
- Unknown date: Doctor Elizabeth Shaw sends out a transmission. 
- 2099 AD
- Unknown date: The Weyland Corporation absorbs cybernetics rival Yutani; the Weyland-Yutani Corporation opens with the largest share value ever recorded on the Systems Exchange. 
- 2101 AD
- Unknown date: The United States Colonial Marine Corps is established, through the National Security Act of 2101, with a strength of roughly 165,000 marines. 
- 2104 AD
- Unknown date: South, Central, and North America form a financial collective, the United Americas. 
- Unknown date: The colony spacecraft USCSS Covenant are traveling towards habitable planet Origae-6 when they are struck by a starburst and discover a signal from another habitable planet dubbed Planet 4 and decide to investigate it and discovers an Earth-like world filled with dead Engineers and new forms of Aliens, including the Neomorphs, being a result of a hostile David 8 android, from the Prometheus mission, having experimented with the pathogenic mutagen of the Engineers. The remaining crew members escape the planet, unknowingly having brought back David 8 to the Covenant, falsely believing him to be their own identical Walter android, ending up in him taking over the vessel, leaving the ship's colonists at his mercy and storing two Alien embryos among the ship's human embryos. 
- 2111 AD
- Unknown date: Estimated date for the arrival of the USCSS Covenant on planet Origae-6. 
- 2116 AD
- Unknown date: The USCSS Nostromo is constructed. 
- Unknown date: Dr. Lucien Keitel finds traces of Aliens about 1.6 billion years old in Australia's Great Desert. 
- 2117 AD
- Unknown date: After nearly a hundred years without a recorded incident, Predators attack a thousand-men-strong human colony on planet Midnight. 
- 2121 AD
- June 12th: USCSS Nostromo is scheduled to departure from Thedus in 0600 hours. Captain Dallas sends a relay message received by Sevastopol Station informing of their departure.
- 2122 AD
- Unknown date: The crew of the USCSS Nostromo, under contract with the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, are awakened from hypersleep to investigate a distress signal coming from the moon Acheron LV-426 in the Zeta 2 Reticuli System. Eventually they discover a crashed Engineer Juggernaut dubbed "the Derelict" and one of the crew-members, Kane, encounters Alien Ovomorphs and a Facehugger attaches itself to him. The resulting Alien hunts the crew, killing them one-by-one, and is faced by the lone survivor Warrant Officer Ellen Ripley, eventually discovering her crew-mate Ash is an android ordered to protect the Alien according to Weyland-Yutani's Special Order 937. Ripley escapes the ship on the lifeboat Narcissus after activating the self-destruct system of the Nostromo. Ripley soon discovers the Alien is on board the escape pod with her and she ends up ejecting it through the hatch, after which she enters into cryosleep. 
- 2124 AD
- Unknown date: Seegson Corporation executives arrive on Sevastopol Station to reenergize the station, transforming it into a cosmopolitan hub. Some time later, the rerouting of the Sol-Thedus flight path decreases the activity on Sevastopol and the station was scheduled for decommission with its inhabitants gradually reduced to a skeleton crew. 
- 2130 AD
- Unknown date: Cofounded by the Weyland-Yutani Corporation, Gateway Station is constructed. 
- 2137 AD
- November 11th: H. Marlow arrives at Sevastopol Station on board the salvage vessel Anesidora requesting emergency medical attention for his wife C. Foster, who was attacked by an Alien Facehugger. Chief Marshal Waits chooses to skip quarantine procedures because the Anesidora have discovered the Nostromo flight recorder and it means a cut of the reward for the station's crew. 
- November 13th: Dr. Lingard uploads a video log stating the Alien Facehugger parasite has done something to patient zero, Marlow's wife. 
- November 14th: An Alien Chestburster hatches from C. Foster, killing her. Dr. Lingard signs her death certificate and cites her cause of death as classified. Marshal Waits and his men starts to hunt the creature with the intention of killing it. With the Xenomorph killing people, Seegson Corporation puts the station up for sale, making sure possible buyers know nothing about the situation aboard. 
- November 21st: Weyland-Yutani purchased the Sevastopol Station and sent APOLLO new operational directives, including Special Order 939. 
- Unknown date: Civilian engineer Amanda Ripley, daughter of Lieutenant Ellen Ripley, encounters an Alien at Sevastopol Station. 
- 2157 AD
- Unknown date: Hadley's Hope, a Weyland-Yutani terraforming colony, is established on Acheron LV-426. 
- 2159 AD
- Unknown date: An Alien outbreak occurs on planet LV-178 when trimonite miners unearth a Drukathi ship housing Alien Ovomorphs. The Narcissus, guided by the preserved consciousness of Ash, docks with the mining vessel Marion in an effort to obtain a living sample of the species to complete Special Order 937. Ellen Ripley helps the surviving miners gather supplies to get them away from LV-178 aboard the Marion, but all except Ripley and Chris "Hoop" Hooper survive. Ripley is safely sent away aboard the Narcissus with her memory of the experience wiped, while Hoop escapes on a second vessel with a slimmer chance of rescue. 
- 2165 AD
- Unknown date: The Tientsin (Eta Boötis A III) campaign is fought by the U.S. Colonial Marines with a strength of 240,000 marines at the end of the campaign. 
- 2169 AD
- Unknown date: The Marine 70 program is established late 2169 or early 2170 with the abandonment of the "triangular" system for a "pair" or "buddy" system, allowing more mobile and fast operations with "faster and meaner" teams. These changes include the use of two pair teams, one smartgun team and one rifle team, as well as the use of the UD4-L gunship and the introduction of the M577 APC. 
- Unknown date: The M41A Pulse Rifle enters into service as a standard rifle. 
- 2171 AD
- Unknown date: The Bishop AP model is introduced, designed by Michael Bishop Weyland in the likeness of Charles Bishop Weyland, the original founder of Weyland Industries who discovered an ancient pyramid of tremendous importance on Bouvet island, Antarctica, and met his fate in the same location. 
- 2176 AD
- Unknown date: Colonel James Mortimer of the USASF, holds a STARTAC introductory seminar at the USCM staff college. 
- 2179 AD
- Unknown date: The Narcissus is discovered floating in space 57 years later, and Ellen Ripley is brought to a medical space station orbiting Earth, where she's offered and accepts to follow a team of US Colonial Marines aboard the USS Sulaco on a mission to eradicate the Aliens attacking a Weyland-Yutani colony on Acheron LV-426, eventually discovering a 12-year-old girl named Newt as the sole survivor who helps them navigate the location. Weyland-Yutani, represented by Carter Burke, is revealed to be attempting to acquire specimens of these Aliens. Eventually, Ripley, Newt, Corporal Hicks, and android Bishop escapes the colony before it's destroyed in a nuclear explosion, seemingly eliminating the Aliens and the recently discovered Alien Queen, only to find the Alien Queen having been brought back to the Sulaco where Ripley battles it with a Power Loader and ejects it into space. Ripley and the survivors subsequently enters cryosleep. 
- Unknown date: An Alien Ovomorph left on board the Sulaco causes the fire-detection system to place Ripley and the survivors of the LV-426 incident to be placed into an escape pod which crashes on prison planet Fiorina "Fury" 161, leaving Ripley as the sole survivor. She finds herself trying to eliminate an Alien set loose in the prison compound while being discovered to contain an Alien Queen embryo in her chest. Weyland-Yutani representatives, including Michael Bishop Weyland, arrives on the planet to collect the Alien specimens, only to find the Alien has been killed and Ripley ends up sacrificing herself in molten lead to stop the company from acquiring the Aliens. 
- August 12th: An unnamed colonel blames Michael Bishop Weyland for the loss of the Sulaco and offers Weyland his help for a price. Space Command at O'Niell Station detects an unknown mass in the Zeta 2 Reticuli system and eventually identifies it as the Sulaco. 
- September 5th: The Weyland-Yutani office on Gateway Station are made aware of the death of Carter Burke during the events at Acheron LV-426, as no data was recovered and the Bioweapons Division has the situation locked, and a briefing is made to discuss all the events back to 2122. 
- September 11th: Weyland-Yutani dispatch an extraction team to the coordinates of the Engineer Juggernaut spaceship dubbed "the Derelict" on Acheron LV-426 and begin searching for it. Seiji Tanaka is in charge of the search party aboard of the Weyland-Yutani spacecraft Shinyo Maru. 
- September 15th: The crew aboard the Shinyo Maru rediscover the Engineer Juggernaut spaceship dubbed "the Derelict" on Acheron LV-426 and recovers two Alien Ovomorphs for their Science Division, after which the Origin facility is established. 
- Unknown date: The USS Sephora boards the USS Sulaco, dispatched to Acheron LV-426 17 weeks earlier, as a result of them responding to a distress call from Corporal Hicks and eventually ends up crashing to the surface of the terraformed moon with a battalion sized force. 
- 2202 AD
- Unknown date: United Americas, EU/UK, China, Heelal Yo, and four independent Core System colonies form the United Systems. 
- 2219 AD
- Unknown date: Weyland-Yutani engine core spacecraft the Geryon, transporting the command ship, the Helios, the salvage ship, the Kadmos, and the Perses, leaves for LV-223 on a mission to search for the missing Prometheus spacecraft, with Captain Angela Foster intending to finish the mission of the late Sir Peter Weyland. 
- 2220 AD
- Unknown date: Colonial Marines on the planet Tartarus battle extraterrestrial hunters over the possession of a mysterious horseshoe-shaped spaceship of unknown origin. The Weyland-Yutani rep wants the ship, and the marine captain wants to protect her crew. 
- 2226 AD
- Unknown date: United Systems Military is established. 
- 2291 AD
- Unknown date: Weyland-Yutani colony at Nu Indi successfully sues for independence. 
- 2293 AD
- Unknown date: Rival company Ridton markets advanced FTL drive; Weyland-Yutani loses USM contract for FTL vessels. 
- 2306 AD
- Unknown date: Artificial Persons from the Alethea Collective are granted civil rights; all cybernetics divisions suffer financial loss. 
- 2349 AD
- Unknown date: Megacorporations are banned; Weyland-Yutani loses final appeal to retain designation three years later. 
- 2356 AD
- Unknown date: DNA samples from an Alien-implanted human (Ellen Ripley) are rediscovered by the USM. 
- 2376 AD
- Unknown date: The first auton is manufactured, an android designed by androids. 
- 2379 AD
- Unknown date: Following a violent uprising on Luna/AE, autons are recalled and destroyed. 
- 2381 AD
- Unknown date: A clone of Ellen Ripley, dubbed Ripley 8, is produced on the military spacecraft USM Auriga through DNA left on Fiorina 161, and a new breed of Aliens are consequently produced through hosts provided by a crew of mercenaries, including the auton named Call, on board a spaceship named the Betty. Ripley 8 and the remaining survivors escape on the Betty, along with a Newborn Alien which is soon killed off, as the Auriga crashes down to Earth, destroying all the Aliens. 
- Predator 2 (1990), feature film
- Predator: 1718 (1996), comic book
- Alien vs. Predator - Unrated Edition (2004), home video
- Alien vs. Predator (2004), novel
- Predator: Concrete Jungle (2005), video game
- Alien 3 (1992), feature film
- Predator (1987), feature film
- Weyland Industries Corporate Timeline
- Alien vs. Predator (2004), feature film
- Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (2007), feature film
- Predators (2010), feature film
- The Predator (2018), feature film
- Alien - Special Edition (1979), home video
- Alien: The Weyland-Yutani Report (2016), book
- Prometheus (2012), feature film
- Aliens: Colonial Marines Technical Manual (2012), book
- Alien: Covenant (2017), feature film
- Aliens: Apocalypse (1999), comic book
- Predator: Forever Midnight (2006), novel
- Alien: Isolation (2014), video game
- Alien (1979), feature film
- Alien: Out of the Shadows (2014), novel
- Aliens (1986), feature film
- Aliens: Colonial Marines (2013), video game
- Prometheus: Fire and Stone (2014), comic book
- Aliens: Fire and Stone (2014), comic book
- Alien vs. Predator: Fire and Stone (2014-2015), comic book
- Predator: Fire and Stone (2014-2015), comic book
- Prometheus: Fire and Stone - Omega (2015), comic book
- Predator: Life and Death (2016), comic book
- Prometheus: Life and Death (2016), comic book
- Aliens: Life and Death (2016), comic book
- Alien vs. Predator: Life and Death (2017), comic book
- Prometheus: Life and Death - Final Conflict (2017), comic book
- Alien Resurrection (1997), feature film
submitted by Xenosaurian
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2019.11.21 00:31 Starkstar502 Loud House Theory:Who is Clyde's Mom
The Loud House,A show about a boy named Lincoln Loud learning to survive house of ten sirsters in one house but when he's not hanging out at home he's hangs with his best friend Clyde McBride, who is adoptive son same gender parents Howard and Harold,Now this gave me thoughts about Clyde's family history because his bio says he's adopted and that's get.
So that begs the question the who is clyde's real mother and the reason why I'm not saying parents because I think Clyde is Howard's biological son and he didn't know that,
Now This Time I'm gonna be doing something different I'm gonna be presenting 4 theories on Clyde's Mom Because I have so many questions about who she looks like and what her name is,
Now the first two theories are gonna be about who she is and the last two are gonna be about where she is and what happened her,Now all that out of the way Let get started.
- Theory 1 Clyde's Mom is Lucy Carmichael from the Rugrats-Now weeks ago I made a theory that All Nick shows are connected and I said Rugrats and Loud House were in same universe because Grandpa Lou made cameo in Linc or Swim and Now have another connection between the show,Lucy is Clyde's mother. Now here are my reasonings why she is his biological mother,They have same skin color and they both have black hair and Harold has the same skin and hair color as Lucy. So I think what happened is before Clyde was born Harold dated lucy in High School and then one He accidentally got her pregnant and wanting to keep their parents from finding out and they go to a private hospital and give to birth their baby boy and after it's born they take him to an orphanage and he forgets all about him.Then after that Harold and Lucy broke up and years later,He changes his sexual orientation and meets Howard, they get married, and adopt clyde.If this theory was true, this would make clyde and susie brother and sister
- Theory 2:Clyde's Mom is Mrs. Johanssen from Hey Arnold-Now Here's another crossover between Loud House if you didn't like the one about Clyde's mom.I think Mrs. Johanssen's mom was Harold McBride's wife, Her hair may brown but she does have skin color as clyde and He may have just his hair from harold mccbride.This is What I think happen Harold and Mrs.Johanssen dated for 10 years and when she tooked a test and it confirm to her to be pregnant in six months but during these months she had an affair with Martin and Harold divorced her and then she gave birh to clyde but then 2 years later Clyde start remind Mrs.Johanssen of harold and how she cheated on her she decides send him away to royal wood to live in an orphange and then 9 years later clyde is adopted by harold and Howard.If this theory was true this would make clyde and gerald brothers
- Theory 3:Harold and His original wife are divorced-This similar to the to other theories but this one is using not any characters from other series. In this Harold's wife was always busy and was always traveling then one day when she had go out of town for and she forgot was pregnant.Then because of the long distance Harold divorced her and he decides change his sexual orientation and meets howard. Then 11 years later,they decides to adopt clyde at the orphanage but he doesn't know he's his biological son.This theory should be a nice change of pace from last ones which involve teen pregnancies and affairs.
- Theory 4:Clyde's Mother is Dead-Warning is this graphic and really depression so procceed with caution.Harold's wife was diagnosed with eclampsia and when she gave birth her baby she dies from her condition and feeling guilty for his son not being able to see his mother, He sends him to an orphange across from royal woods and the baby forgets all about harold and Harold forgets all about his baby and he change his orinetation because he thinks same thing would happen if he married a woman so he meets his old high school crush howard and they get married and they decides to adopt clyde at the orphanage.This one would explain why Clyde's dads are overproctective of him and why need him to be safe.
I know this all speculation but these should give clyde a possible origin story and the first two probably won't be true but last ones should pretty possible because Parents being divorced or being dead but I'm leave it up to you guys which theorydo you think is true.
submitted by Starkstar502
to FanTheories [link] [comments]
2019.04.09 03:54 IDEKWIDWML_13 How Borderlands took my mind off the pain.
After reading both “BL2 made my girlfriend cry” & “how tiny Tina helped me heal” , i reflected on how borderlands has effected me in my life, it’s a long on, so strap in...
My borderlands journey begins very early in my life, maybe around the age of 8 or 9? I got my first PC. And with that, steam! Browsing the store, I see a game, and a big ol’ 80% off next to it. This game was borderlands 1, and all it’s glorious dlc. This was my first step into PC gaming.
Fast forward to 2014, I’m 12(ish) years old, I’ve completed borderlands numerous times and it’s now on the back burner. It’s February time, I get the new PS4 for Christmas and am having a blast. However; as of then I was feeling sluggish. Looking pale and a sudden black eye for no reason. February 8th, the day after my fathers birthday, on the sofa with a full English. The phone goes off. I am to be admitted to hospital. Doctors come in and break the news: I have leukaemia, acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. I was in shock, and for good reason. My childhood had literally been thrown out the window. Life sucked.
I was struggling, but confident. The feeling when I could leave hospital after a continuous 6 months in solitary was immense. Fast forward a year and the handsome collection had been preordered for my PS4; the excitement and nostalgia from the idea alone of playing this game got me excited. But if things couldn’t get worse...I was rushed to hospital with a temperature of 79 degrees Celsius. An infection, what joy. A week or so later I’m let out, woohoo I can go home, but something still wasn’t right. The next day I meet joss Whedon, mark ruffalo Scarlett johanssen (it had its perks lol) on the set of the filming of the age of ultron (I have a signed poster from them also :) ) but after the day commenses I go back to hospital. Turns out the clever little bugger that was the infection hid itself behind my portacath (a device I had implanted for easy medication dosage), and in the process I had developed septicaemia, I was on the brink of death. Come to think of it, I had to get a kill to self revive, so I killed septicaemia. I made an immaculate recovery, like the lord brick himself filled me with his soul.
I was back on track. I’d hit remission, I was on the downhill from now, but thinks we’re still tough. The time in hospital had damaged my legs, and I was in a wheelchair. But soon. BLTHC was here: in all its golden glory. I slapped that thing in and, well, it made me happy. It took my mind off things. The mobility in game made up for my lack of mobility irl, the social aspect of matchmaking allowed me to talk to people, and meet new friends (some of which are still my pest friends to this date!). Borderlands made me feel whole again
Fast forward to now. I’m 16, I’ve been cancer free for 681 days, but my school life is kinda sucky. But I think about borderlands 3; I think “how the hell am I gonna afford this masterpiece if I don’t pass year 11 and get my GCSEs and get a job; you beat cancer, don’t let school beat you.”
Borderlands 1: my first step into pc gaming Borderlands the handsome collection (dominantly BL2): my salvation from borderline depression If you made it this far, thanks for reading. I appreciate this community a lot, and writing stories like this, I’ve always found it very therapeutic; thanks again! :)
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2017.09.21 02:38 ichoosethismofo Long term AP just got a boyfriend. It's suddenly over. Here's our story...
Like the heading says, it's over. Suddenly, but inevitably. Feel free to skip to the TL;DR... this might be long.
The story starts like many others. Long-term MM, kids... and an utterly dead bedroom. Eventually the "hurry-up" mercy fucks she would occasionally offer lost their appeal and we just stopped having sex. There was even some discussion about open relationship, but never in full seriousness, more as a way of SO being able to shrug off any direct conversation about our physical emptiness. We were close friends, companions, partners, co-parents... but not lovers. Our relationship had warmth, but no fire. We had never been particularly sexually compatible, but now we weren't sexual at all. I'd blamed myself for years, telling myself that if I was a better lover that she'd be more interested. I assumed I was the problem.
Meanwhile, at work, the most beautiful woman I've ever known was starting to show an interest in me. I know, I know... work pAP... rookie error. I'd never cheated and I didn't set out to, which is why I probably walked into several mistakes in the process.
This woman is utterly beautiful. An instant 10/10. She's the kind of woman that can walk into a bar and every guy in there will momentarily pause from whatever they're doing to double take. Imagine Angelina Jolie, Scarlett Johanssen and Jessica Alba had a love-child from a threeway. Around 5'9" and slender, but shapely. Toned legs about a mile long and a pert pair of c-cup breasts. She'd wear classy outfits, but often just a little more sexy than the usually work-style outfits of the other women in the office. A slightly shorter skirt, a little lower cut top. Not excessive, but very enticing. Long blonde hair, a beautiful smile and smokey "fuck-me" eyes. The look she would give you, effortless and immediately intoxicating. Her bright, cheery personality and nature along with her generous laugh would light up the office. Everyone adores her and most of the guys have probably fantasized about her.
Initially, I dismissed the attention. She seemed to naturally flirt with everyone. I'm not that much of a catch. Fairly average looking with a bit of a "dad-bod." Sociable, but not a ladies man at all. Outgoing, but a bit of a nerd too. I'm the kind of guy that she'd have not even known existed when we were at high-school. She was most definitely a million miles out of my league.
Eventually though, I had to admit that she probably had feelings for me, she'd given too much away.
We first kissed at the end of an office party, outside the hotel it was at, and nearly got caught by my manager on that first night! It was electric, exhilarating and terrifying. We spoke the next day and admitted we had feelings for each other but I told her I wasn't ready for anything more at this stage. I think that made her want me even more. She had become so used to men chasing her to try to bed her that it must have been a novelty to find a man that was turning her down.
I'm still not sure what her attraction was to me. Maybe it's the opposites attract principle. She was single, no kids. She'd had a long-term dysfunctional relationship that had ended a couple of years before and I guess I was intriguing but also a safe exploration for her.
We kept chatting via the office IM and the chat got increasingly sexual (I know, more rookie errors... who sexts via a work IM!!). Eventually we contrived to be both working away in New York at the same time for a couple of days. We're usually work upstate but also have an office in the city which takes both of us there for a few days a month. It's usually a day-trip, but occasionally I stay in a hotel if I'm there for several days in the same week.
About a month after the first kiss, we booked different rooms in the same hotel and agreed to meet for dinner to chat after our respective work-days. Dinner turned to drinks and then another back at the hotel bar. While sipping on a cocktail she says, "come on, let's finish these drinks in my room."
We started kissing passionately as soon as the door was closed and the drinks set down. We started undressing each other, running our hands over each other's excited bodies. Her breasts were as perfect as I hoped. Firm and pert. Small cherry nipples, I immediately devoured them. I caressed and kissed every inch of her body as I removed each item of clothing. I sat her down on the bed and laid her down, opening her milky thighs, licking and sucking her beautiful pussy until she came. I kept kissing and caressing her body before returning to her pussy again, bringing her to another climax. By this point she was begging to be fucked and I gladly complied. I'll be honest, I was so turned on that it was over pretty quickly. She was sweet and reassuring. We chatted for most of the night and had sex a couple more times that night and in the morning.
Initially I'd planned it as a one-off, just to see what it was like and to see if I could sexually satisfy a woman in the way I appeared unable to with my SO. It was very much more. That was the beginning of a long-term and often complicated FWB relationship that lasted several years. Initially I told her I was falling in love with her and she said the same. I'm not sure I ever really was. I adored her and I was in love with being with her. We could piss each other off if we spent more than about 24 hours together and we regularly had pointless arguments about nothing at all. We had completely different interest, hobbies, views, TV preferences. Hot, passionate, satisfying, animalistic sex was what we shared in common. After the initial night of 'over-too-quickly' sex, we relaxed into longer sessions. Sometimes, on overnight trips to the city, we'd kiss and fuck for 2-3 hours at a time, have room-service to refuel and then fuck for hours again. We never got much sleep on those trips but had lots very intense, adventurous and passionate sex. I felt alive, wanted, validated, vindicated.
Sometimes I'd visit her appartment for an hour after work or after night out, but over time that happened less and less. Instead, we waited until we were both on work trips in the city. It was better that way. Relaxed, un-rushed, uninterrupted. We'd sometimes go out for a meal and went to watch a couple of broadway shows or went to the cinema, but usually we'd just get hot and naked in the hotel room all night.
Despite the risks of a work-place AP, we were careful. We are both fairly senior in the business and she definitely didn't want to get a reputation as a marriage breaker or predator and I obviously didn't want anyone to know either. We were very careful with OPSEC. I usually paid cash, using cash that I'd taken out from regularly used ATMs and cashpoints. Hotel costs weren't an issue because it was on a business, so could be put on an expense account. We even joked that if found out by our bosses, we could justify that we were cutting company costs in half.
When we weren't away, we'd send flirty texts during the day which would always stop at 5:30. We didn't discuss it, but we just both knew how to be discrete and not cross boundaries. Aside from that, she'd send me sexy, explicit nudes to a burner email address. In response, I'd send her long and very detailed erotica of what I'd do to her next time we were on an overnight trip. She loved the scenes and stories I'd write and it would really wind her up sexually so that we'd fuck like rabbits as soon as we got into the hotel room. We'd make each other cum 4-5 times an evening. I took a lot of time and care writing those erotic stories. I'd role play, sometimes create unlikely fantasies or sometimes be really specific and realistic, using times and locations that we had planned. If any of the females in this group like to read erotica from a male POV I can post some here or PM them.
We'd get increasingly adventurous... usually after I'd suggested it a few days before in one of my "chapters." There was very little we weren't willing to try together. She was a dominant and confident personality at work but in the bedroom she often enjoyed being more submissive, tied up or blindfolded. She also wore a lot of kinky and sexy outfits under her work-clothes at the office during the day before we met up. She enjoyed the feeling of being adored and physically worshiped while I really got turned on by the confidence of such a beautiful and attractive woman giving herself to me entirely.
The relationship wasn't always rosy. In the early days she insisted that it was going to go somewhere. I went along with that idea more than I should have. We occasionally discussed the idea of having kids together, even though I had no intention of it. She will always insist that she only got into the relationship because I'd convinced her my marriage was over. I'm not so sure... we were both in emotionally dysfunctional head-spaces and we both loved the escapist bubble we'd create together. We needed each other for different reasons and it worked... most of the time.
I tried to break it off several times, but every time she'd drag me back; usually by convincing me to go to a night away in New York "just one last time... one to remember me by." And then I'd go and we'd have an amazing night of hot, passionate sex... and I was hooked again. We once said we were chocolate cake to each other. Delicious and enjoyable... but not very healthy. We spoke a few times about how it might eventually end and always ended up at the same conclusion: it would only end when she met someone that was going offer a serious, settled relationship. She had no moral issues fucking me, a MM, but if she met someone that she could get into a serious relationship with, it would be over for us. I understood and had no complaints with that. Often I'd hope for that person to come into her life, to get me out of the mess and complication of juggling two lives. She wasn't dating or looking for it though and I thought we could easily end up seeing each other for another few years.
And then, out of the blue, I got a text this week. She couldn't travel to New York later in the week as planned. Something had come up and she couldn't be there. She apologized and said we needed to talk.
I knew what was coming, but still hoped otherwise. We met in a discrete room at the office the next day. She stumbled a little when I asked her what had come up. I helped her out and directly asked her: "have you met someone." She hesitated, gave me that "fuck me" smoky glance one last time and then nodded. She hadn't been looking for it, she said. A guy she knew from 20 years ago had moved back to the area. They'd been long-term friends. He'd tried to make something happen ages before, but she'd always resisted (just like she always did for any other guy who ever approached her... the curse of being a beautiful woman). Eventually her friends had convinced her to meet him for a date and they'd spent most of the weekend together. She told me she'd forgotten how charming and amazingly handsome he was. He had minimal baggage and no kids. He had swept her off her feet and she could see it working out as something genuine and special.
She told me she'd considered coming to New York anyway... one last time, one for the road... but had felt it would be wrong. She didn't want to look back in years to come, if it worked out, knowing she'd cheated on him right at the start of their relationship and at end of ours. She didn't want any overlap. It wouldn't be right. I smiled, wryly. I didn't need to say anything for us both to be aware of the irony and double-standards of what she was saying. "And besides," she said, "he's 6'4" and built like an athlete. You wouldn't want to piss him off." Nice way to really warn me off.
I didn't have much to say. I said it was great news for her and then paused, locked eyes with her and said: "I'll miss you." I think that caught her off guard a little. We both got a little choked and then she got defensive, reminding me I'd walked into this and I'd been the one unwilling to commit to something better. I stopped her and said: "You don't need to defend yourself or apologize. I'm genuinely pleased for you. I'm just sad for us. I really hope it works out for you. I know how much you want a family and I hope you make beautiful babies together."
She said she hoped we could stay friends and, besides, we would still be working on a few projects together that we couldn't both drop out of. She's right, we will. I'm not sure how I'm going to cope with that, but I'm a big boy and will have to suck it up.
Right now... I'm feeling pretty empty. I'm going to miss her for a long time. I'll really miss the amazing, regular, exciting sex. I'm not going to rush into looking for another pAP any time soon. My relationship with my SO has actually improved over the last year or so, despite an ongoing dead bedroom. I think completely eliminating the option of sex has helped us relax and enjoy the other positive elements of our relationship. If the opportunity for another fling came up, I'd take it but I wouldn't know where to start and, if it happened again, I'd certainly not be so careless with it being someone at work or in our social circle. I've been very lucky (so far, so good). It could have ended much, much worse than it looks like it will. I think I may have gotten away with it... by pure good fortune.
I had a quick look through my local CL and the CL in the city center, but it's a depressing list of options for a m4f seeker. Like, really bleak. I'm not sure where I'd start. Like I said at the start, I'm not a natural ladies man. I wouldn't know how to hook up in a bar and invite a stranger back to my room when I'm staying away in New York. I'm an average guy, entering mid-life and staring down the barrel of a deep-breath and getting on with life.
Any suggestions on how to get over the end of a long-term AP would be welcome.
I keep asking myself if I have any regrets. If I could go back would I make different choices. The conclusion can be best summed up by my burner throwaway username: "I choose this mother-fucker and I'd choose it again."
TL;DR... Bad news: long-term AP, with amazing regular sex ended this week because she has met someone. Good news: I've got out of a complicated affair with a work-colleague with, what appears to be, minimal mess and drama.
submitted by ichoosethismofo
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2016.12.30 10:10 J0K3R2 /u/J0K3R2's (almost) midseason player by player grades
Hello! My name is J0K3R2 and this evening/night/early morning I'll be typing out my player by player grades for the team at (almost) the middle of the season. I'll be going off of stats and my general eye test. I've seen all but about five games (work and a few dates with my lovely girlfriend), and based on what I've seen, I'll be writing up my personal thoughts on how each player has performed this season and give them grades on it. At the end of the post, I'll put down my general thoughts on how the season has been going, where I personally believe we'll go, and what concerns I have going forward for this season, next season, and into the future. This is completely arbitrary; feel free to disagree, these are simply my thoughts and my thoughts alone. I'll only be writing my thoughts on players that have played in at least five games for Chicago this season, so Lars Johanssen, Tanner Kero, and the boys from Rockford won't be getting writeups (save for Schmaltz). With that, let's begin.
FORWARDS Jonathan Toews: 29 GP, 6 G/16 P, 76 S/7.9 S%, 51.96 CF%
Oh Captain, our Captain...has had a bit of an up and down season. He's been injured for a good amount of time, and the Hawks (rightfully) did not rush him back. After stalling offensively before his injury, and having issues taking off after getting back, Toews has two goals and one assist in his past five games. It's not much, but it's a start: before the game against Colorado, his shooting percentage had been at approximately 1/4th of his career average. Hopefully, he's shaking off the rust. Good possession numbers may be inflated by a high number of offensive zone starts, though he hasn't played much penalty kill this season. Overall, I've been a little disappointed in Tazer. His offensive game is clearly off, one way or another, and his shooting percentage is uncharacteristically low. Hopefully, he can get this figured out, come back strong and help the penalty kill, and get back on track this season. Overall grade: C+
Marian Hossa: 34 GP, 16 G/23 P, 77 S/20.8 S%, 51.93 CF%
god Hossa, what a renaissance for this man. It seems as though his 500th goal was a bigger mental block than any of us thought it would be, as Hossa has returned to the offensive form we saw in his early seasons with the Blackhawks, all while still playing a strong defensive game. His shooting percentage has been sky high, and nigh unsustainable, but he has shown no signs of slowing down (pre injury, of course). Lots of people on this sub, towards the end of last season (myself included), thought that Hossa's offensive decline had begun in earnest. Until his shooting percentage dips back below ten percent, I can't say that I think this is the case. Overall grade: A
Patrick Kane: 38 GP, 11 G/37 P, 123 S/8.9 S%, 50.63 CF%
Showtime's been an interesting case this season. He's put up points, but not like he did last year. The reason for this seems to be his shooting; he's on pace to shoot over twenty fewer shots than last year, and his shooting percentage is slightly higher than half of his normal shooting percentage. So what gives? First, he's certainly, for whatever reason, a pass-first guy this season (exhibit A: the glorious drive to the slot and then pass back to the blueline against Winnipeg the other night). Second, he's just not getting lucky. He's gotten stonewalled on some fantastic chances by goaltenders outright robbing him this season. Third, he just won the Art Ross and Hart trophies. Teams pay more attention to a guy who puts up big points and does so, ultimately putting more defensive pressure on him. I really do believe that if Kaner can get his shooting touch back, watch the fuck out. He'll be scary. Overall grade: B+
Artemi Panarin: 38 GP, 15 G/38 P, 96 S/15.6 S%, 56.62 CF%
The Breadman! He's resigned here for two more years at six million per year. With his schedule B bonuses (which I'm confident he will hit, even though that's both good and really bad), he stands to make 8.5 million next season, which will be an absolute bitch to deal with cap-wise (more on that later). I really don't have any complaints about our dear Panini. His possession numbers are godlike, buuuuut he also starts in the offensive zone half the time, so take it with a grain of salt. Otherwise, he's proved he has a lethal one-timer from just above the left faceoff dot, and is earning his way as a setup man, too. I hope for an even bigger second half from Artemi, and expect nothing but improvement from him. Overall grade: A
Artem Anisimov: 34 GP, 16 G/29 P, 60 S/26.7 S%, 50.50 CF%
The Arty Party has once again been a huge goal contributor for the Hawks, though playing between Kane and Panarin will do that, but it's no small thing. His overall shittiness on faceoffs has alleviated this year, making significant strides in winning faceoffs during Toews' absence. His netfront presence has been nothing to laugh at, scoring plenty of goals on tip-ins, redirects, and on gorgeous tic-tac-toe pass plays. So far, I'd say he's earning his contract extension, and will be a big contributor to the Hawks for years to come. Overall grade: B+
Marcus Kruger: 38 GP, 2 G/10 P, 43 S/ 4.7 S%, 51.37 CF%
Oh, Kruger. You do so great for us on PKs, you're our one truly consistent faceoff man when Toews is out of the picture. But the contract extension StanBo signed him to may be the very end of his time in Chicago. With Panarin's contract extension kicking in next summer, he's looking like he'll likely be left exposed, in the hopes that Vegas will take him and his 3.085 million dollar contract. More on that later. He's been like a third defender for us this year, starting in the defensive zone more than anyone else on the team. His possession numbers are pretty damn good for a nearly purely defensive forward. If he is to leave next summer, he will be heavily missed by a team lacking a true penalty killer outside of him, though one may be up and coming. Overall grade: A
Ryan Hartman: 33 GP, 6 G/ 12 P, 64 S/ 9.4 S%, 52.05 CF%
Raise your hands if you thought the Blackhawks' top rookie this season would be Ryan Hartman. *crickets* That's what I expected. Hartman has been everything and more we hoped he would be taking over for Andrew Shaw, and Hartzy has been a force in every part of the ice. With some of the most even zone distribution starts on the team, Hartman has shown himself to be a bit of a jack of all trades, if a master of none. Though he doesn't possess a major scoring touch, he roughly makes up for the loss of Shaw. Although he's no Kruger or even Phillip Danault, he's defensively responsible and a heavy hitter. He's also drawn some timely penalties, particularly in the Islanders game, where penalties drawn by Hartman first changed the complexion of the game, then proceeded to help the team keep up through power plays. Although more scoring is always something to be desired, I can't really ask for more from Ryan Hartman. Overall grade: A+
Vinnie Hinostroza: 3 G/ 8 P, 44 S/ 6.8 S%, 47.37 CF%
Meh. Vinnie hasn't been a world-beater, and his possession metrics are concerning, but he's mostly held his own up here in Chicago. Showing major chemistry on a Triple-H line with Hossa and Hartman, he scored some important goals leading to Chicago victories. Depth scoring and decent defensive play seems to be the ceiling for Hinostroza, but that's nothing to shake a stick at. Cheap contracts are gonna be exactly what we're looking for for the next few years. Overall grade: B-
Jordin Tootoo: 29 GP, 0 G/0 P, 27 S/0.0 S%, 49.70 CF%
He was signed before the season to be cheap, veteran presence that could grind out minutes on the fourth line and be dependable defensively. So far, he's met expectations, though he's pointless to this point. Coming in recommended by some Hawks veterans, he seems to be a genuinely good dude, and being a good dude in the locker room can't hurt one bit with the young guys. Literally any offensive production would raise his grade. Overall grade: C
Andrew Desjardins: 20 GP, 0 G/0 P, 25 S/0.0 S%, 42.77 CF%
Hoooooooolllllyyyyy shit. What a shitshow his season has been to this point. Since coming back from injury, Desi has done nothing but...no, wait, he's done pretty much nothing. He's done it all, but not in the right way: he hasn't recorded any points, he hasn't contributed in any meaningful fashion on special teams, and he's been a black hole in terms of possession, though a small portion of that can be contributed to high defensive zone starts. A huge part of Chicago's shutdown line in the past two years, he's been listless on both ends of the ice. Something's up with Desi, and I don't expect him to resign with Chicago after the season ends. If he does, it will be for minimum possible and it will be a one year deal. He's likely gone after the playoffs. Overall grade: D-
Richard Panik: 38 GP, 9 G/15 P, 65 S/13.8 S%, 49.10 CF%
After a white hot start, Richard "Dick Panik" Panik has cooled off significantly. With his last goal coming in the Islanders game, he's gone from at one time being the league's leading goal scorer to the role player and depth scorer Chicago traded for, though this may be our best trade of the year. He's been a very solid defensive contributor while also chipping in some decent offensive numbers here and there and playing on the power play. He's definitely outplayed expectations during his time here, and here's to hoping he continues to do so. Overall grade: B+
Dennis Rasmussen: 35 GP, 3 G/6 P, 41 S/7.3 S%, 48.14 CF%
When the Moose is loose, games tend to have their momentums changed. I don't think that a single one of Rasmussen's goals this season hasn't been a game changer. When he adds tallies on offense, they signal highly positive sea change in an individual game. Getting faceoff work while Toews and Anisimov were out, he's developing into a good defensive centerman, one who can't completely fill the shoes of Marcus Kruger, but comes pretty close. As a cheaper depth defensive guy, I see nothing but positives for Dennis Rasmussen with Chicago. Overall grade: A
Tyler Motte: 31 GP, 4 G/7 P, 45 S/8.9 S%, 44.26 CF%
Yikes. Whatever happened to him during or after his injury has completely changed him around his season. Looking promising beforehand, he hasn't been the same since coming back. He hasn't recorded a point since returning from injury, and he appears to have become much less confident in his game. A trip to Rockford would seem to hold the best promise for Motte, as confidence and seasoning won't hurt, especially as he languishes on the fourth line here. Overall grade: D+
Nick Schmaltz: 26 GP, 1 G/4 P, 16 S/6.3 S%, 47.05 CF%
Schmaltz, during his time in Chicago, showed flashes of who he can be: a dynamic playmaker with a scoring touch, a poor man's Patrick Kane even. During some games, he even showed signs of a well-developed backcheck. Ultimately, however, flashes aren't enough to stay in Chicago, and he was ultimately sent down to Rockford, where he's succeeded, though it's clear he needs the seasoning. He never got injured during his time in Chicago, though playing fourth line minutes didn't help his development. Provided he shows good progress playing for the Icehogs, I see no reason he couldn't come back up come early March.
all stats shown are for time played in Chicago only
DEFENSEMEN Duncan Keith: 38 GP, 1 G/25 P, 82 S/1.2 S%, 50.53 CF%
Duncs has been Duncs so far. Putting up pretty even possession metrics, he hasn't been a major factor on one side of the ice or the other. He's gone mostly incognito this season, which is both good and bad. Even though he's not making costly mistakes (and is often seen covering the team's ass on odd man rushes and breakaways), he's also not being a major defensive difference maker, and his goal totals leave something to be desired, though he's on pace for over fifty assists. I like how Keith has done this season, and I don't forsee him declining. His shooting percentage is low even for himself, and like Kane, he seems to be in a pass first mode. Nonetheless, he's been solid this season and definitely a big part of the team again. Overall grade: B
Brent Seabrook: 36 GP, 2 G/21 P, 55 S/3.6 S%, 50.66 CF%
Seabs, depending on who you ask, may be having the best all around season for a defenseman on the Hawks this time around. He's not leading the defensemen in points, nor goals, and his booming point shot is oddly absent so far, but he's been a rock on defense and a big part of offensive pass plays. He's living up to his contract so far, but the full no move clause he has has the potential to be a major issue for the Hawks in coming years. Overall grade: A
Niklas Hjalmarsson: 37 GP, 4 G/8 P, 37 S/10.8 S%, 51.36 CF%
Niklas Hjalmarsson is leading all Chicago Blackhawks defensemen in goals scored. If that's not a line you never expected to hear, you may have a future in fortune telling, or you lie enough about things you expect to hear that you've automatically been entered in the race for Illinois Governor. Hjammer has had a greater percentage of neutral and defensive zone starts than anyone in the Hawks defensive corps, and yet he maintains positive possession numbers. That's fucking insane. Hjammertime has found some luck hitting the back of the net too, which is of course unexpected, but he's doing one thing right: he's showing why he's easily one of the best defensive defensemen in the world. Overall grade: A
Brian Campbell: 37 GP, 3 G/10 P, 36 S/8.3 S%, 49.41 CF%
After a six year stint with
The Chicago Blackhawks Home for Aging and Crappy Contracts the Florida Panthers, Soupy has returned! He's...been not as great as we hoped, but he's nonetheless played a big role in making the Chicago defense a six man unit, up from being a three man unit last season and four man unit in 2014-2015. Getting the highest percentage of neutral zone starts on the defensive corps, one would hope that his possession numbers would be better, but pairing with Seabrook has been a symbiotic relationship between the two defensemen, with Seabs no longer having to drag Michal Rozsival/David Rundblad/Erik Gustafsson/Trevor van Riemsdyk up the ice. Stop me if you've heard this one before: good, but needs more offence. Overall grade: B-
Trevor van Riemsdyk: 14 GP, 1 G/4 P, 13 S/7.7 S%, 48.93 CF%
After starting the season injured, TvR has made a nice return and been a major factor in Michal Kempny's memorization of every inch of the press box. On a small sample size, TvR has shown that when not being shoehorned (out of necessity) into a top four role, he can be an effective if not world beating defenseman. Keeping him where he is, as the number five guy, would be the best course of action for Chicago, in my opinion. Unfortunately, it's rumored he could be big time expansion bait for the Hawks, which would be a shame, considering he's a quality bottom pairing guy for low money. Overall grade: B
Michal Kempny: 24 GP, 0 G/2 P, 27 S/0.0 S%, 54.11 CF%
Though not as great as some had hoped, Kempny has been largely solid for the year, though he has seen his possession numbers inflated by favorable zone starts, as well as playing with much more experience defensemen. Kempny seems at this point destined for a bottom pairing role in the NHL, and not a whole ton more. His mental lapses and minor struggles to adapt to the North American game have shown big time, notably in the Islanders game in New York, where he was banished to the bench for the whole third period after having a disastrous first two frames. Since then, he's largely ridden the press box, unable to show enough in practice to get cycled in with the rotation of Rozsival and Forsling. TvR has greatly reduced his playing time, and with how he's played, he deserves it. Overall grade: D
Gustav Forsling: 31 GP, 1 G/4 P, 38 S/2.6 S%, 46.89 CF%
Bold guarantee: if it weren't for an out in his contract allowing him to return to Sweden if he were sent down, Forsling would have gone down to Rockford weeks, if not months ago. He's shown great signs, but he's been largely a possession black hole and he's looked lost at many times out on the ice. Inconsistencies in his game have led to him being rotated with Rozsival and Kempny for playing time along Trevor van Riemsdyk. This is a kid who could clearly use more seasoning in the AHL, but thanks to contract concessions Stan honestly had to give to bring him over, he can't be sent down without being given an option to go back to Sweden for the rest of the season (which he would almost certainly take). I really do think that StanBo had no choice with this one; without the language in there stating that he can leave if we try and send him down, he may not have come over this season. Overall grade: C
Michal Roszival: 12 GP, 0 G/1 P, 6 S/0.0 S%, 47.33 CF%
Since settling in to a largely rotation role, Rozsi has been mostly forgotten, which is honestly fantastic. He's played well as a rotation guy, keeping up, not looking too slow out there, and being a reliable veteran presence on the blue line. He's done what he's been asked to do, with no meltdowns on the defensive and and no fireworks on the offensive end, he's just filled his spot, and done rather well when asked to do so. I think that the Hawks have finally found the right way to use Roszival, and it's better for everyone that we did. Overall grade: B+
all stats shown are for time played in Chicago only
GOALTENDERS Corey Crawford: 23 GP, 13 W, 2.28 GAA, .928 SV%
Since coming back from his emergency appendectomy, Crow hasn't missed a step, and his steps have been huge for the Hawks this season: in the early going, he was the reason Chicago kept its head above water, stealing more than one game for us. Crow has been the true MVP of the Hawks this season, winning games for us that our offense and defense did him no favors in, and keeping us high in the division and conference race. Overall grade: A+
Scott Darling: 17 GP, 10 W, 2.35 GAA, .923 SV%
Scott Darling, bless his heart, stated some time ago that he is auditioning for a return to Chicago. If he plans to do so, he should plan on making quite a bit less money than he would get elsewhere, as he showed during Crawford's absence that he can handle a heavy workload (to an extent, though I feel like even the best goalies ever would get tired after pretty much starting non-stop for two or three weeks, not even stopping during back to backs) and can be a capable (if not perfect) starter. He held Chicago in games and despite some shakiness and shitty luck, held his own against some damn fine goaltenders. Scotty Darls has been nothing but good for Chicago since he came here, and even despite the successes of Antti Raanta, I wouldn't trade him for any backup (and some starters [*cough* Dallas *cough], too) in this or any other league. Love me some Scotty D. *Overall grade: A
all stats shown are for time played in Chicago only
Thoughts on the season so far: This has certainly been an interesting season so far. After calming down, I've realized that as frustrating as things are, we're still in a really good spot. It's unfortunate that we've chosen to play lackadaisically lately, but all indications show that this team can turn it around and turn it on in important games (though if we could fucking beat Winnipeg, that would be great too). This season is gonna be all about consistency: are we consistently going to be a team of wasted promise, one that plays lazy and uninspired and drops games to league bottom-feeders and basement dwellers, or is this going to be a team that looks unstoppable when it gets hot, one that plays a full sixty minutes and lights it up on both ends of the ice? Only time is ultimately going to tell.
Thoughts on the remainder of the season: I do think that this team could (and frankly should) compete for a cup. This is a team that when the chemistry is clicking, the defense is responsible, the stars are shining, and the goalies are hotter than supernovae, can go all the way and steamroll the league in the process. We just need to be consistent and play with a fire under our asses, not the way we've played against Colorado, Winnipeg, Ottawa, and Nashville as of late. Once again, only time will tell what this team, which has much better odds at a cup than last season, can do.
Thoughts on next season: Hooooo boy. This is a doozy. No matter what, we lose somebody in the expansion draft. The sentimental side of me hopes that it's Mac Carruth, who surprisingly fits the requirements needed to be taken. The financially inclined side of me hopes it's Kruger, because without him gone, we simply can't make the books work. It just won't happen. The practical side of me realizes that there's a damn good chance that neither of those things will happen and TvR gets chosen, meaning that we lose a quality bottom pairing defenseman and we have no choice but to find someone to trade partner for Kruger, which means for many teams, taking picks and prospects to cover the high cost of Kruger's salary. Ultimately, though, I think next year is another reload year, one in which we (hopefully) see the full potentials of Motte and Kruger, get some continuity in our bottom six forwards, bring over Shalunov, and see if Ville Pokka can hang in this league.
Thoughts on the long term future: This team is paying tomorrow for success today. Though StanBo has done a good job of getting us numerous picks in upcoming drafts (including first rounders, which we have been sorely lacking lately), there comes a time when all of these players age and the contracts get ugly. I hate to say it, but I highly, highly doubt we keep Panarin after his two years are up. He'll go somewhere that's contending and get paid 8-9 million per season for five to seven years, and that's just how the business works. Seabrook's gargantuan, NMC anchored contract could look horrendous if he falls off a cliff in terms of production, but I think he'll surprise some folks. Hjammer will either take the same amount when his expires or slightly less, unless he wants a change of scenery. Kane and Toews and Keith and Crow are the only pieces I don't see moving for the rest of their careers, and probably Hossa too. Speaking of Hossa, I really do think he'll play out his contract, though I feel like it will be a bit ugly by the end, especially if he transitions to a fully defensive forward. The future doesn't look especially bright, as this team doesn't have any truly, truly blue chip prospects, but some savvy moves by Bowman and smart drafting and UDFA pickups could have this team back on track before things get awful.
Final wrap-up: Well, this is it. My hands hurt from typing, your eyes probably hurt from reading all this, if you actually read all of it. I'll be honest, I did this a lot out of boredom, as my wonderful Blackhawks fan of a girlfriend is currently on vacation, and with many of my college buddies elsewhere for break, I'm pretty much out of shit to do. But I do like doing stuff like this, and it's given me something to do for hours and hours, so I don't think it's been a waste of time. I hope to update this in a new post at the end of the season, with a bit of reflection on how things went from this point on. Hopefully, we end this season on a high note, and I reflect on this shortly after returning home from a Cup rally in Grant Park. If you've got any questions, like why I gave certain grades out, please don't hesitate to ask. I'll probably answer them in about eight hours once I've gotten some sleep. Hope this was a quality post that was worth your time to read, as it's my first real shot at this. Comments, concerns, and criticisms are all appreciated. Thanks again, and
LET'S GO HAWKS all stats ^(except for Corsi, which is from www.puckalytics.com) from nhl.com
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2015.06.08 21:13 TheBruhffalo Got banned from a movie theatre because of this young lady. Le Blind Date
First time posting, yeah yeah.
To set the scene: This was my first year in graduate school, around 2013, in a new city. About one week into the fall semester I had an increase in crotchual awareness, typical. Jacking the beanstalk wasn’t quite getting me to where I needed to be. So, I decided it was time to find a woman.
Anyway, I decided to try the mobile dating arena, with my app of choice being plenty of fish (my first mistake). Within hours I got a match with this young lady, who was apparently enamored with me; she sent me a four paragraph message to my box. Instantly, I knew I was supplying the meat and mayonnaise for her vaginal sandwich.
I was initially blinded by the “situation” since I found out she played NBA 2K (bruh…) and Madden (bruuuuh). This prompted a deeper level of connection than I was used to so I didn’t ask for more pictures than what was provided on her profile; only 3 of them bad boys were posted, typical.
Long story longer, I decided to ask her out to the movies. My movie of choice, Don Juan. I chose this movie primarily because I too performed hard labor on occasion. Anyway it’s Friday night and I’m doing the usual preparations; shower, cologne, condom in side pocket, back-up condom in sock. I decided to meet her at the theatre, to avoid awkwardness. The movie theatre is the type you see in malls, nestled in between multiple stores and characteristically close to the food court. She informed me that she was in the food court, I thought, “hey, must just be getting some food to avoid concession stand costs.” Smart lady. So, I walk over to the area where she said she was sitting. I looked frantically around for this young women, couldn’t find her, so I ended up calling. She laughs upon answering (oh God), I’m right in front of you silly (Jesus no…). The woman (debatable) directly in front of me had to be around 5’3’’ and quickly eclipsing planetary status, lets say 338 lbs for giggles. Son…what the f**k….
I started sweating immediately, I am struggling internally not to curse this young lady out and it’s a losing battle. She sees the perspiration, “Ooh you must be nervous meeting me.” B***H! I politely respond, “ready for the movie?” (I’m too nice, I should have called PETA and reported a sighting.) Well surprise surprise, she’s not ready, she still has HALF A PIZZA LEFT (I’m contemplating homosexuality at this point). Whatever, she finishes eating. We each pay for our own ticket (told her I dutch that st on the first date, I lied) and we start heading to the movie room. She asks me, “aren’t you getting something to eat?” (jacking off isn’t so bad….) , “Uhh I’m not hungry, what are you getting a soda or something?” “No.” she says, “I’m thinking of getting the hotdog meal and twizzlers. (B**h you’re playing, you just deep throated a pizza.) After she get’s her dose of genetics, we sit down in the theatre. She tells me she needs both arm rests due to conditions. Because of this I had to hit a gangster lean all the way over to the right, the entire movie, bruh why?
This is the part where I get angry at this feral pig. This thing asked me, specifically if I think Scarlett Johanssen looks good and then proceeds to tell me that she is too skinny. I contemplated slapping the blood sugar levels in this hoe to normal levels. I stood up to walk out, my frugal soul dying slowly as I waste limited grad school money. She grabs my arm, and starts speaking loudly, “Where are you going??” I respond, “Home, period (yes, unfortunately I said period)” So, she tries to pull me back in my seat (I know Got D**n well this boar didn’t just wrinkle my shirt). “Let me go,” I less than politely say, “I don’t wish to contact animal control (I’ve never said anything of the sort to a young lady, but dammit she was strong as hell bruh!)”
Now, I am unable to reproduce the dialog coming from her mouth as it was unintelligible (her blood suga might have been low) However, I remember:
“What you don’t like thickness?” (you left thick 100 pounds ago) “You’re short anyway!” (yes, I am of average height lol) “Your d**k probably too small anyway” (for you my dear, yes, for the average woman….ask your girl) “My girls told me about meeting weak n-words online!” (I’m black, she’s black)
The manager had to come in lieu of complaints, and the fact that her whale call could be heard at the ticketing booth and we were escorted out. My consolation prize is that I can never go back to the movie theatre, I didn’t finish the movie, and I had to go home with my slick stick unlicked.
Tl:dr Tired of masturbation, blind date, banned from movie theatre
Edit: Took out condescending intro. Edit 2: Wow I didn't think anyone liked this style of writing lol. Appreciate all of the positive and negative comments! Some of y'all made my night/day!
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2015.05.02 07:56 VoltasPistol The Hulk is a sexually transmissible disease (Ultron spoilers)
So in Age of Ultron, Mark Ruffalo's Banner turns down sex with Scarlet Johanssen's black widow.
When Ed Norton had the part, the explanation was that sex would make him turn into a giant green rage machine and if Liv Tyler were on him at the time, she'd pop like a grape.
Fast forward to the first Avengers movie, where Bruce Banner was in India when Natasha found him. Why India of all places? Noise, violence, slums-- What was he doing there when he could literally be in any other 3rd world country? Because India offers one thing that Banner can't learn anywhere else: tantric sex techniques so at least he can finally masturbate without leveling entire city blocks with gamma radiated cum. A man has to have his priorities straight.
In Age of Ultron Natasha corners him and suggests that hey, since they've gotten so good at calming down The Hulk in rage mode, let's fuck, amirite?
Banner's answer? He stammers and finally says "Uh.... Kids? Yeah, kids. Can't have 'em." It's the perfect excuse! Every woman knows that no birth control is 100% foolproof and the very idea of a Incredible Hulk Fetus makes legs clench together tighter than Black Widow's costume with PMS bloat.
But then what does Natasha say? Well, she can't have kids anyway because she went to the worst ballet school ever
Bam! Problem solved! No danger of rage babies.
Except Banner, who has always been candid about his feelings is still there stammering like an idiot. He doesn't say, "I want this, but I firmly believe this is a bad idea right now, because I am still a giant green rage monster when my feelings get hurt and dating coworkers seems like a recipe for hurt feelings".
He's can't say that because he's honest. He's got Tantric masturbation mastered. Natasha has cat-like reflexes and has evaded The Hulk before, and now she's a certified Hulk Whisperer, so even if things get weird they can still safety have freaky forest sex in unpopulated areas. So what the fuck is the problem?
possible conclusion (because this is ShittyFanTheories) is that in addition to being bloodborne, Hulkitude is a sexually transmitted disease.
And because Banner is a man of science, he's fucked at least one farm animal to study the effects. It would be irresponsible of him to not have fucked at least one to prove his theory right, and he's just really really embarrassed to have to explain what a chicken looks like when it's being blown up like a goddamn party balloon.
EDIT: Looking back this morning after typing this late at night and I realized that if the chicken dies during the act, then the line of transmission is over. Instead, the more realistic result is that the chicken turns on Bruce Banner, who then has to fight the giant enraged chicken.
Whether Hulk-Chicken has to be fought by Hulk-Hulk or can be killed by introduction of a cocktail of volatile chemicals
that has proven invariably lethal to most other forms of poultry is still up for debate.
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2015.04.07 22:05 Poorcelaindahl Quiz about me
AboutMe Hi, I’m Astrid I’m a 23 year old student and I'm a nanny. I’d like to make some extra money by selling my used pants. This seems like a fun way to be able to make money while I pay for school. I want to establish myself as a seller. I love the idea of being able to provide you with something very personal. If yo have any questions you can email me any time at
Are you a boy or girl? Girl
How old are you? 23
What is your Zodiac sign? Virgo Who is your best friend? My Mother Who are your favourite actor[s] that you think is hot? Ryan Gosling, Zach Efron, and Vin Disel Who is your favourite actress? Scarlett Johanssen, Julia Roberts, and Liv Tyler Who is your favourite band? Maroon 5, Fall Out Boy, and Green Day. Who do you love the most? God What is your favourite colour(s)? Green Would you give up everything you had for your soul mate? Not sure. Are you single? Yes What if you met your soul mate at the wrong time? Not sure I have. Hug or Kiss? Hugs If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? The ocean. What have you been thinking about lately? School!! If you could be in your dream place at the moment, what would you be doing? At Starbucks! If somebody was describing your personality what would they say? Fun, and easy going. What gives you butterflies in your tummy? Ooh! When Im about to go on a first date. If you could have an endless supply of any food, what would you get? Cherry pie. If you were an animal, what would you be and why? A bunny, because I am soft. What’s your favourite thing to do in the summer? Float on the river. If you were an ice cream flavour, which one would you be and why? Strawberry because I'm sweet. Are you a morning or night person? Morning. What are your favourite hobbies? Going to the gym, helping others, and crafts. Growing up, what were your favourite toys to play with as a child? Barbies What is the title of the best book you have ever read? Road to Avalon What is the most beautiful thing about people? Diversity. What is the most honest thing you have done? Filled out this quiz.
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2014.03.24 22:03 tabledresser [Table] IAmA: Dominic Monaghan's curious Q&A. I like curiosity. AMA.
Verified? (This bot cannot verify AMAs just yet) Date:
2014-03-24 Link to submission
Last updated: 2014-03-28 15:06 UTC This post was generated by a robot! Send all complaints to epsy.
|Questions ||Answers |
|Do you remember my dad Paul? You and him used to be mates and you met on Hetty Wainthropp Investigates. I've got a Pic of you and him on set. Link to i.imgur.com. ||Paul was the clapper loader on Hetty Wainthropp, and one of the first real friends I made in the industry. He was a lovely guy and I was a young kid, who didn't know anything about the business, and he took me under his wing. Please tell him I said hey! |
|Hey Dom! How was the experience of returning to Hobbiton with your friend Billy Boyd? How long has it been, reliving the location where it all began? ||It's been at least 10 years, maybe 11 or 12 years, since Billy and I were both back in New Zealand together? We've been there individually but not at the same time. |
| ||It was great, because we were able to go to Mata Mata, where the Shire is, so Bag End, the Prancing Pony where the hobbits drink, so what we were able to do was sneak into the Prancing Pony and not tell the tourists we were there, and then we opened the Prancing Pony to the tourists. And then when they went inside, we opened the pub up and they asked "What are you doing here?" and Billy replied back "we stay here when we're not working! We've rooms above the pub." And I mean, there were a few people who were quite emotional about it, it was great, we served them all ginger beer and served the adults ale. |
|Hi Dominic, Did you really choose Luke as your Confirmation name after Luke Skywalker? Greetings from Croatia! ||Yes, and I wanted Han, but my mom and dad wouldn't let me have Han. They said it has to be a name in the bible, so I went away and said "Chewie" and then they said "no, Chewie's not in the Bible." Chewie SHOULD be in the Bible, he has that biblical beard. But we went with Luke. |
|Do you keep in touch with the other Hobbits? ||Yes of course! Billy comes and stays at my house whenever he's in LA. I see Elijah whenever our paths cross with each other. And same with Sean Astin. We're all busy and working but when we're in the same city we tend to find each other. |
|What's the absolute worst experience (anything from a single day to an entire project) you've ever had filming, and what happened that made it so terrible? ||I did a film in the Ukraine called Soldiers of Fortune with Christian Slater and Ving Rhames and Jamie Cromwell and Sean Bean, and it was just kind of miserable. The director didn't really know what he was doing, the film wasn't great, the hotel was rubbish, room service closed at 5 and we wouldn't get back to the hotel until 7 or 8, I had a broken foot at the time. So that was pretty poor. |
|Who was your favorite actoactress to work with and why? ||Probably Viggo? or Ian McKellen? They're both real professionals, they both bring their A-game to every scene they do and they are both incredibly unpredictable, so you never know what is going to happen next. And he is willing to do anything to make his character more authentic. He would you know, sleep in the forest for LOTR trying to be as Aragorn-y as possible. |
|Did you ever get Aragorn straight on that whole “Second Breakfast” thing? ||That's a fun question. |
|Hi Dominic, thanks for doing an AMA! ||I don't think humans will ever understand the idiosyncrasies of hobbits. |
|I did a phoner with you a year and a half ago when you were doing press for The Day. I’m curious: what’s the most annoying question you’ve ever been asked during an interview? ||It's good to be curious. And the most annoying question that I got asked are the lazy ones where they ask you to do all the work, like "tell us the most amusing story from on set" or "tell us about your character" that's a little lame. I get interviewed by George Stroumboulopoulos a lot and he really does his homework, and it makes the interview really enjoyable because he asks questions that come from a place of research. Chris Hardwick is the same. Hello ChrisHardwick! He clearly does his homework. And if I'm going to show up at an interview and try to make it best and give the best answers, it's refreshing when the interviewer tries to give their best questions. |
|Also, you’re attached to “The Hundred Code.” I’m assuming from the title it’s a police drama. What can you tell us about it? ||The Hundred Code is a swedish cop show that I'm going to do in May. Which deals with a New York cop (who I play) who goes to Stockholm following a very specific type of serial killer, whose case file has shown up in Stockholm. And I have to work with a completely different type of police unit. It's Seven meets Lethal Weapon. It's Lethal Seven. |
|Was it your idea to make Charlie wear band-aids on his fingers? What did they represent? ||They wanted me to have some sort of minor injury after the crash. They didn't want me to look like I'd survived the crash unscathed. So we put bandages on my fingers, and then JJ and Damon came up with the idea of I write a four letter word on my hand every so often. It was going to change over the course of the show, so I think I started out writing LATE and then eventually he was going to get hungry and I was going to write PATE. And then I think I ended up writing FATE and we would all try to work out how many words we could get out of that, and then we dropped the idea. |
|Hello Dominic! How did you find the Hobbit movies? ||Just walk to my local cinema, and they're on! |
|Is there going to be a Driveshaft reunion tour? ||There wasn't even a Driveshaft tour in the first place, so I doubt a reunion is on the books! I would like to do it though, I had a great time with Neil Hopkins who played my brother. We were trying to do an homage to the Mancunian band Oasis. |
|Hello,how was your day? Have you kept in contact with anyone else from lost, specifically Claire? And how did you feel about Flashforwards cancelation? ||It was fantastic. Hanging out with my BBC America friends on the east coast, but unfortunately I am slightly hungover. |
| ||Yes, I'm still friends with Emily. We go out to dinner every so often, and there are pictures of us tweeting at each other. People want us to fall in love and go off into the sunset, but she's married. You know, I'm still friend with Harold and see him and his wife quite a bit, as well as Ian, Jorge, Josh Holloway. We're all busy and stuff, but when we see each other it's cool. There's a weird camaraderie with those people because you shared such an experience with them. |
| ||It's very difficult to get shows on the air anyway, so I'm always a little disappointed when you've made it to that point and the show doesn't return. I thought Flash Forward was really well written and had a great group of actors involved with it, but the irony of that was that I probably would not have been able to do Wild Things if I was still doing Flash Forward, so you just have to give in to the flow of, I dunno, the universe? The cosmos? Furbies? |
|So I had a dream 2 nights ago where I met you on the street and told you that the "Not Penny's Boat" scene made me cry and you didn't even acknowledge me. Let's get the record straight, how would you really react in real life? ||I always react in the same way, which is "Oh, thank you so much. I'm so glad it worked. We all attempted to move the audience in that scene, and I think we did a pretty good job." |
|Hey Dom, of all the character you have played, who can you relate to the most? ||I don't know, maybe Charlie from LOST. He was a real guy, he had similarities in his personality that I have. He has some demons, which he deals with incorrectly at times, and he has a good heart, wants to do the right thing, makes mistakes, is quite human. |
|If you could be on any television show (besides the ones you have worked on), what would it be? ||Game of Thrones. |
|I want this to happen, i can imagine him playing a youngish lord of a smallish town. ||Okay! Make it so. |
|What did you have for second breakfast today? ||I haven't eaten today. |
|Do you ever ask yourself, "What the fuck am I doing?" when handling wild and dangerous animals on your show? Have you ever been bit? ||That's one of the more common questions that i get asked, are you crazy, are you mental type thing. You know, the potential of being bit or being in any sense of peril is outweighed by the profound experience of interacting with a wild animal. It's powerful, you know? And palpable as well. An animal will fight you a little bit, but then you communicate to the extent it will stay with you, it's quite powerful. |
| ||I've been bit a few times - snakes, spiders, stung by scorpions, I've been bitten by an anaconda this year, it was definitely a dodgy moment on set. |
|Where has been your favorite place you have traveled? And would you like to do any comic cons to meet your fans? ||I've done Comic-Con a bunch! I think I've done it 8 times. Favorite place to visit? I really like Southeast Asia, so any of those places - Cambodia, Vietnam, Laos, Indonesia, Thailand. The food is so great, the people are so friendly, animals everywhere. |
|Do you have a favorite animal? ||Yes, my favorite animals are ants. The insect, yeah. They're fascinating. If you're interested in animals, you should study ants because they are fascinating. They live in highly condensed communities where there's no murder, no rape, they work to protect their kids, they create clean soil and air, they allow trees to grow, they protect the forest, they live in complete balance with our planet. And they're fucking awesome. |
|That's an unexpected answer! I've always thought bees were really neat, maybe they're on the same level. Are their societies similar? Thanks for answering, you are awesome! ||Well, bees and ants belong to the same insect group, called hymenoptera. Wasps are in that group as well. And ants are essentially wingless wasps. So those 3 animals tend to live in very complex, tightly knit communities and do it very successfully. |
|Throughout your career you’ve filmed in some crazy places. What was your favourite location? Also, I just want to say that you’re awesome and I’ve had a massive crush on you since I started watching Lost in high school. I cried like a little bitch when Charlie bit the dust. ||Sorry for your loss. And all-time favorite location is New Zealand, just because of the experience, the memories. I'll probably live there eventually, if I ever have children. |
|Did Steve Irwin influence you/your show in any way? ||Of course. The death of Steve was the impetus for me to turn my idea for a show into something real. I was pretty devastated by his death, and I remember thinking "If I don't use this as an opportunity to turn this into the show that i have always talked about, then what does that say about how I felt when he died?" |
|How do you like your steak cooked? ||Medium rare. |
| ||Slightly on the bloody side. |
|Did you ever get around to fighting Elijah Wood? ||Well, yeah, we had a boxing match. Which we did for a film festival. And the kind of sponsored film in that film festival was a documentary called Knuckle, so they did these commemorative boxing matches, so the guy from Knuckle, for the guy who ran the film festival, that wasn't a real fight. Then a girl fought a boy. And then a six foot three guy fought a five foot two guy, and they didn't have a real fight either, so Elijah and I looked at each other, we're both good sports and we love each other, and we said "Hey, let's fight." There must be a link somewhere that you can see. |
|1) What was it like shooting the Eminem/Rihanna video? Any funny/interesting moments? ||1) Well, I mean, it was pretty special. The director got in touch with me and said "what are you doing next week" and I said "nothing" and he said "you want to be in the new Eminem video" and I said "absolutely." There was no format for what the video would be at that point that I knew of. But Eminem is probably my favorite hip hop artist of all time alongside Rakim and KRS-One. So I jumped at the opportunity. And then I was talking to the director, and he told me what he thought the video would be, which was a couple in a very dysfunctional relationship, you know, battling and then making up and then battling and then making up, and he kept saying "We should cast someone like Megan Fox, or a Megan Fox type" and then eventually, I emailed him back and said "what about Megan Fox?" And she was an Eminem fan too. So then we met onset and made out a lot, and I got paid for it. Which was great. |
|2) What can we do to get yourself, Billy B. and Peter J. to work on a Merry and Pippin solo movie? You two had such great chemistry. ||2) That's probably more of a question for Peter Jackson, but I'm sure Billy and I would both love to work with Pete again. And Billy and I are also cooking a little show together, which hopefully by this time next year we can hopefully talk about in a real fashion. So watch this space. |
|My husband and I are huge fans of your performances in LOTR, Lost, and Chuck. IMO, the best thing to come out of the LOTR trilogy was the Easter Egg on the ROTK Extended DVD where you prank-interview Elijah Wood on your birthday (and that's saying a lot, because I adored the trilogy). (Link for the uninitiated: Link to www.youtube.com. Your comedic turn there and the comedic aspects of your other characters make us really want to see you in more comedic roles. Have you ever done sketch comedy? Will you do more comedy? Vhen vill you vear vigs? ||I did Mad TV, which I really enjoyed and wrote a few sketches for that. I love to do comedy and that's where my agent thinks I will end up, because he thinks I'm funny for some reason. |
|Where do you think the female Ents went? ||I think they probably left the forest, knowing that it was inevitable that it was going to be destroyed, and then tried to go somewhere safe, and were probably unfortunately found by the evil forces and turned into a lovely mahogany desk or something. |
|Waddup Dom! Huge fan of your playing of Merry in LoTR, thanks for killing the Witch-King of Angmar! My question for you; if one person has a sniper rifle (50. Cal) and another an axe, who would kill first if they are five feet apart, both weapons are not drawn. ||I attended an open audition in London, my agent called me and said that they were doing castings for Lord of The Rings and asked if I knew the project, and I said "I do," my dad had read us the Hobbit and we had storybook tapes of LOTR when we were kids. And I had read the book when I was about 15. And so I was in a play in London, I was playing a skinhead and I had a cold, so I had no hair and a little bit of a black eye, and probably looked nothing like a hobbit, and just came in and did this reading, and assumed that i didn't really have that much of a chance,that I should just forget about it. The casting director actually said that David Bowie was coming in later and did I want to stay and see him and I said yes, so I sat in reception another hour, and so that was cool. I think he was auditioning for Gandalf? He would have been a great Elrond. Some of the casting was crazy, I think Sean Connery was being talked about for Aragorn, or Russell Crowe for Aragorn, Uma Thurman and Ethan Hawke were really close to being in it, some crazy names being thrown about. |
|My serious question; what got you into acting, how did you get the role of Merry? ||I watched Empire Strikes Back when I was six or seven. And then the week after, I watched Star Wars (wrong order but true story) and then very shortly after that, I watched Indiana Jones and I realized that Harrison Ford was both characters, and I started asking my dad, I think, about how that worked, and my dad explained that he was an actor. So by the age of seven or eight, I knew I wanted to be an actor. You know what it's like when you're a kid, you don't really know that adults have jobs and stuff, you think it's what you want to play as today, and it sort of became a career. |
|You rode a mule near the end of The Return of the King. The mule has died. In a sailing accident. Out of the animals you've never kept as pets, are there any that you would really, really like to have? ||If we're talking about fantasy animals, I'd very much like a black panther, or a raven. But I wouldn't keep either one of them, because it's totally unfair and they live in the wild. I like the idea of having a raven sitting on your shoulder, and you could sort of have a conference with it. They're just cool, you know? And it could answer for you when your friends ask if you want to go to the cinema, and say KAW. He's feeling it. |
|Who are your "dream" guest stars to have in Wild Things? (Love the show btw) ||David Attenborough (never going to happen, but still), Phillippe Cousteau. Jimmy Kimmel, because people keep telling him to do it and he's super scared of animals, and Scarlett Johanssen because that would just be fun. |
|I will be able to see Billy Boyd at Fan Expo in Vancouver, is there you can suggest I can say to him to make him laugh? ||Ask him why he watches so much news. |
|What's your very best life advice? ||Adversity is opportunity. |
|Do you keep in touch with other people from Lost? Was Dharma beer a lager or an ale? ||Dharma beer was probably a seltzer. |
|What the fuck is seltzer? ||Seltzer, I've learned, is fizzy water. And it goes great with dried fruit. |
|Hey i'm a big fan of yours ever since i saw the first LOTR movie and i wonder what's your dream movie to star in ? ||Star Wars. |
|I've read that you are a nature enthusiast and animal rights activist. Which endangered species of animal do you think needs the most public awareness? ||They are so noble, you know? And they just look at us like, you know? |
|If you had to choose, what would it be: living in Middle Earth or discovering an island similar to the one in LOST? P.S. Big fan. You're awesome. :) ||Oh, live in MIddle Earth, for sure! The Shire is obviously beautiful. Has some pretty incredible magical characters in that world. And we're saving something that we love as opposed to, you know, on the LOST island trying to escape. |
|Hi Dom, congrats on the new season of Wild Things, I can’t wait to see it. Your passion and hard work is definitely inspiring people to change their ideas and behavior towards animals, including me. ||Very soon, I hope. Season 1 is already playing in about 30 countries. I think you have to be optimistic, because it's the only way to affect change, but I think some big decisions need to be made about how we, as the stewards of planet earth, behave towards our fellow animals. We seem to think because we can build skyscrapers or computers that we are in a position that we can dictate what lives or what dies. |
|When do you think season 2 will start airing in other countries? Are you optimistic about the future of the natural world? What changes would you like to see happening within a decade from now? ||Electric cars, heavy recycling, legitimate conservation of wild habitats, more buffalo wings (they're really tasty), and I think that's it. |
|What role was the most challenging for you at the time? ||I think the most challenging role that I will do is the one I'm about to do for the Hundred Code. Very serious lead in a foreign project where I play a New Yorker and if you get a New Yorker wrong by one degree, everyone can see it, so, it's a challenge for sure. |
|Hey ! Do yo have any plans of becoming a director ? ps. You should totaly do a full version of hey all everybody. ||I'd like to direct kids. Because I think I communicate with young people pretty well. And I enjoy their company. But I'm not sure if I could direct an adult. Because, hey, what do I know? |
|Hi Dominic, when Elijah had his AMA, I asked him if he had any favourite TV shows. So I'll ask you too, what are your currently favourite TV shows? ||I watch a lot of Manchester United. I like Survivor, Game of Thrones, Dragon's Den (which is the English version of Shark Tank)… the Daily Show, Jimmy Kimmel, Colbert Report, Key & Peele. |
|Which hobbit would win in an arm wrestle? ||Probably Sam, he was kind of the most burly out of the hobbits. He was a bit more heavier set and muscular, because he's a gardener. He's earthy. |
|Hey Dom! Big Lost fan here! I know you're a big fan of football especially Manchester United. Who are some of your favorite current players? ||Ryan Giggs is my all-time favourite Manchester United player. Wayne Rooney is fantastic. Eric Cantona, George Best, Denis Law, those are my favourites. I like fast, skillful, dynamic scoring Manchester United players. |
|Hey, your show Wild Things with yourself is really cool. If you could be any animal or insect, which would it be? ||Well, insects are animals. So let's point that out. If I could be any animal…maybe like a gray whale or a minke whale? You know, they're big, beautiful peaceful animals that spend their entire life navigating the globe and it seems to be relatively carefree and they go into the deep oceans which is fascinating. |
|Hi Dom! How are you enjoying your seltzer? ||It's yummy. It's helping my slightly upset hangover stomach. |
|Just wanted to say, you were by far the best thing about Wolverine: Origins. ||That's very sweet to say. I'm sure Hugh would feel slightly different about that. But I had a lot of fun with that and it was a fantastic experience to be around such a huge star who had such a beautiful way about him. |
|Nothing to ask, but I absolutely adore your friendship with Elijah Wood. The interview prank gets me every time. ||Nice! That was one of my favorite moments doing press for LOTR and certainly it was one of Peter Jackson's favorite moments, he watched it over and over again and asked if it was ok to put on the DVD. I was super honored by that, I was just trying to make Elijah smile and laugh. |
|Have you ever had a brush with death, and if so, please elaborate. ||Yes, I've had a few brushes with death. I think I died once, and then I came back from it. I remember being dead and something saying to me "you can stay here if you want, and if you stay here, you can affect way more change here than if you're alive" and I remember having a dialogue with this voice saying "I don't want to stay here, I want to go back" and then the voice said "OK, well if you want to continue to go back, then follow that girls' voice." so I followed that girls' voice, and it brought me back into consciousness, but it was very very clear to me that I had the opportunity to die. It was one of the most real moments of my life. |
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2012.12.14 21:44 egdeim If you're a boob guy, how disappointing/dealbreaking would tiny boobs be?
I usually always attract ass guys, because that's what I bring to the buffet, but through perceptive observation, I'm becoming more and more convinced that this new guy I'm dating is a raging boob guy. He's mentioned boobs multiple times, never gotten any ass man vibes from him, etc etc.
I've never had to deal with having to worry about boob-man expectations, my breasts are tiny! If this guy's dream girl is Scarlett Johanssen, I'm feeling like I'm going to be a supreme disappointment to him. Besides boobs, I'm fit and have a great bod. But if you were a boob guy would this be the type of thing to keep you from being really carnally fulfilled by a lady or just always longingly dreaming about every other boob in the room?
EDIT: NSFW pic in comments.
I must say, it's a surprise to me that boob guys would ever prefer tiny breasts. Thank you guys so much for your perspective and reassurance, and for putting me in my place :). Everyone has been very helpful and kind, and enlightening! :)
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