Dating i college tips

How can an average looking dude get a hot girl

2020.10.27 06:20 yessir156 How can an average looking dude get a hot girl

White male here struggling in the dating game. In fact, I have no game at all. Currently, 18 atm and I was wondering how I can get a hot girlfriend in college. I'm 6'1, 160lbs, pretty lean, but have an average face, unfortunately (good eyes and teeth, but a weak chin.jaw).
I leave in 2 months and I'm currently just working out at my house, tryna get shredded before i leave but
Any tips, advice, success stories Feel free to PM me
submitted by yessir156 to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.27 02:09 redrey02 Help me impress an older guy?

I’m an 18 year old female and have a huge crush on a 26 year old male. He’s a teacher at my old school and I’m a freshman in college. How do I approach him as his equal? Or anything at all for this guy to see me romantically and/or sexually? And any tips on how I might get a date?
Help me I’m desperate and in love.
submitted by redrey02 to Crushes [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 21:47 Kionashi How to convince my SO to put our relationship "on hold"?

You see.... I (30 m) live in Venezuela, and if everything goes well I will move to Spain to live with my brother in December.
Im well educated and skilled so I have high hopes to get a good job there and enjoy a life I couldn't live in my home country. Now I have a gf (27 f) from a year and a half, and she is pretty much amazing, she is smart but still has a long way to go before she is ready to get a stable high paying job in Spain, also we have terrific kinky sex and she is very supportive, tho is a little needy and sometimes I feel she has way too much more sexual drive than I have... but nothing is a deal breaker, I love her and I can see myself marrying with her in the future. That said, I will leave the country soon and she wont be able to come with me because I want her to leave only when she's ready to get a good job there because I want her to be independent and not relying on a partner's income to survive since that's not healthy for a relationship (she was stuck with an abusive bf for years because she had nowhere to go).
So that's my situation, I will leave the country soon and she wont be able to come with me until she finish college and get more skills (we have a plan and we believe it will take 2 years approx for her to be ready). Now being 2 years separated would be rough and I don't really have too much faith in long distance relationships so I told her to put our relationship "on hold", that meaning we will still have contact and talk as much as we want, but we wont be on a closed relationship, so she will be free to have sex with other people, even start a new relationship if she wants and I could do the same and if by the time she is ready to come to Spain we are both single and willing, we will retake our relationship. I trust her 100% and she does the same to me, we are aware that trust is the foundation of a healthy relationship. That's why I don't want her to ever feel she needs to lie to me because she felt lonely one day and decided to have a one night stand with some guy. I don't have much experience with women, but Im aware our relationship is solid but not perfect, maybe we could find our soulmate in the time we are separated for all we know. The thing is, she accepted and everything was great.
Now we are coming closer to the date I leave and she send me a video on "6 tips to have a successful long distance relationship" so I see she still wants to keep the long distance relationship thing. I believe she feels insecure because she is too attached to me, and I can understand that, right now I trust her 100% and she does the same, my approach (putting the relationship on hold) is the realist approach, we both have needs two years is a long time and I don't want to have a reason to distrust her. Her approach is more romantic (she says she is willing to wait, she wont talk to guys and swears if we keep ourselves busy and talk everyday we wont feel the lack of contact). I know we love each other but I don't know if in 12 month we will feel the same.
I feel Im starting to ramble I don't know what to do, I still believe my approach is the safest but don't know what to tell her to understand that.
submitted by Kionashi to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 16:54 Cyberrockz What It's Like To Interview For A Coding Job

part 2 is continuing...... if you find it useful please do up vote.

7) How to structure your coding interview timeline
Avoiding exploding offers and burnout while maximizing negotiating leverage and keeping your options open
The exploding offer dilemma
Here’s the situation you wanna avoid: You’ve just started interviewing with a company you're really excited about. Another company you've been talking to for a while sends you an “exploding offer”—an offer that expires in a week or even 24 hours. You have to respond to the exploding offer before your final round of interviews at the first company.
You don’t wanna have to decide between a real offer and a potential offer. Either decision has a big downside:

It's also bad for negotiation. The best way to get negotiating leverage with one company is to have an offer from another company. If your offers aren't open at the same time, you lose that leverage.
Work backwards from a signing date
So you want to do everything you can to ensure your offers come in at the same time. But how do you do that? The key is to work backwards:
Pick a "signing date" and stick to it. This is the date that you plan to make a final decision and sign an offer. This includes some allowed time for negotiating once you have all your offers in hand (more on that later).
Share your chosen signing date with every company as soon as you start talking to them. You may even want to ask them to confirm that they'll be able to work with your timeline. This way a company is much less likely to give you an offer that explodes before that date—they already know your timeline, so if they can't work with it they should tell you up front.
What if a company does give you an offer that explodes before your signing date, even though you told them about it early on? Don't panic. Politely remind them that you've been clear about your timeline from the beginning. Explain that you'd like to make your final decision on the date you've already shared with them.
If they still won't budge, you might be better off passing on that company—if they're comfortable squeezing you this early on in your relationship, that's a bad sign for how they'd treat you as an employee.
Now, some companies have policies about not having open offers for more than X days. So what if you're going through the interview process with one of those companies and it looks like you're moving too fast and the offer would come in too early and explode before the signing date you chose?
No problem. Most companies are happy to "pause" or slow down your interview process so the offer comes in later. This way both parties can get what they want: the company can follow their usual "offers explode after X days" policy, and you can have the offer still open on your pre-planned signing date.
How far out should my signing date be?
It depends. At a high level, you should allow as much time as you can afford to. Most people underestimate how long their job search is going to take. And when you end up in a time crunch at the end, it means less time at the negotiation stage. So allowing an extra week for your job search could literally mean earning tens of thousands of dollars more in your final salary.
If you have a current job or are a full-time student, try to allow more time by starting the process earlier.
Of course, some of us will be in situations where we really need to start our new job as soon as possible. That's fine. Do what works for you.
Keep in mind that you’re shooting for having enough time to practice and get through the whole interview process with multiple companies if you can. Think through how much time you can devote to each of these steps:

One more consideration: if you have the means, consider leaving yourself some time for a vacation before starting your new job. Job hunting is stressful. And that window of time between signing a new offer and starting a new job can be a rare window of low stress and low responsibility in your life.
Many companies are happy to accommodate this by setting your start date a few weeks after your signing date—just ask. Many offers include a signing bonus, which could help offset the cost of this extra time without a salary. But again, this'll depend on your means—not everyone can afford to take this extra time off.
Cast a wide net
Interview with multiple companies. Exactly how many companies depends on your situation, but the point is to avoid putting all your eggs in one basket. You want multiple offers by the end, so you can negotiate the best offer possible.
A good rule of thumb: send out applications to more places than you’re currently planning. If you end up getting too many interviews…well that’s a good problem to have! You can always "pause" or simply cancel the interview process with some companies.
Schedule your favorite companies last. Get interview practice with the places you aren’t as excited about. You’ll be in your prime by the time you interview with your top choices, so long as you don’t burn out.
Jot down your impressions after each interview. You’ll be surprised how much different companies can start to melt together after a couple weeks of interviewing.
Avoid burnout
If you’re casting a wide net and allowing several weeks for your job search, you need to be careful about burnout. The interview process is a marathon, not a sprint.
Space out your onsites. Onsites are draining. Try to keep at least a two day buffer between them—one day to recover after your last onsite, and one day to get ready for the next.
Don’t travel too much. You can quickly burn yourself out bopping across the country. When you have to travel for an interview, try to wait a few days before you travel again.
Batch interviews that are in cities you have to fly to. Try to avoid flying to the same city multiple times—though sometimes traveling to the same place twice is better than trying to cram three or more onsites into a short span of time.
8) Telling Better Stories For Behavioral Programming Interview Questions
Show, don’t tell”
You’ve probably heard this advice before. Maybe it was your 10th grade English teacher. Maybe it was career services in college. “Remember: show, don’t tell.”
And it’s good advice. When it comes to answering behavioral questions (like “Tell me about yourself”) in coding interviews, the difference between a good answer and a great answer comes down to showing rather than telling.
The problem is, people who give you the advice of “Show, don’t tell”… are themselves failing to follow it. They’re telling you to show, but they should be showing you how to show. That’s the hardest part!
So here are three specific tips for showing more and telling less.
1. Sprinkle in specific details
Imagine two responses to the stock interview question “Tell me about yourself.”
First:
I started programming about two years ago with some personal projects. I eventually got a job at a small tech company in my home town, and I’ve been working there about a year and a half. I like my job, but I’m looking for a new challenge, which I think your company could provide.
Then:
I got started programming because I wanted to build a social network for cats. That didn’t take off, but the prototype helped me get a job at a small tech company in my home town.
Last month, I read an awesome article on Hacker News about the social network your company is building. The scaling challenges you face seem like they’ll help me grow faster and stronger than my current role will.
The second response says a lot more about the candidate.
Why? Because of the specific details. An interviewer won’t remember the tenth person to say “I’m looking for a new challenge.” They will remember the person who tried to build a social network for cats and read about their company on Hacker News.
So don’t skimp on the details. Look out for opportunities to use specifics, especially if they’re at all quirky, funny, surprising, or otherwise memorable.
2. Tell a story from your life
Take another common question: “Why do you want to work here?”
People tend to just cross-reference their values with those of the company or team they’re interviewing with:
I’m really interested in technical blogging and open source. So I like that your company has some open-source work and contributes back to the community.
That’s a fine response. But to really wow your interviewer, try adding a specific story around those values:
A couple years ago, when I was still new to programming, I was working on this tricky bug. I found a post on a company blog where an engineer explained how her team solved the issue. She included a code snippet she’d open-sourced. I appreciated that she took the time to write about her team’s experience and share their solution. It helped me!
That’s how I first started getting into open source. I really wanna work with more engineers like that—who write about their work and try to help others in the community. So I was excited to see all the stuff your team shares on your blog and on the company’s Github profile.
The second response just sounds more genuine. It shows a personal connection to open source and technical blogging, instead of just telling it.
Anyone can look up a company’s core values and repeat them during an interview. It’s more meaningful to tell a story from your life that shows how those values benefited you or taught you something.
3. Use someone else’s voice
This one’s a neat trick. Consider one more standard behavioral question: “What’s your biggest strength?”
You might tell the interviewer:
I work well with others. Even under tough circumstances, I make sure my coworkers feel supported.
But a lightly detailed story is better suited to show this strength:
I have a coworker, Ana, who’s been an engineer for almost a decade. We worked together on this really tough, messy project.
Towards the end, she told me, “For such a hellish project, you really made things feel sane.” I think this is my biggest strength—I work well with others, even under tough circumstances.
When you respond with a story, you can refer to what other people have said about your best qualities. In this case, a ten-year tech veteran said you made a project feel less awful. That kind of praise is a lot more credible when it comes from someone else.
Practice, practice, practice
Remember these specific tricks for showing rather than telling:

  1. Use specific, memorable details. “Social network for cats” instead of “a personal project.”
  2. Tell a story from your life. “I was trying to solve a tricky bug…” instead of “I value open source contributions.”
  3. Use someone else’s voice. “’You really made things feel sane‘” instead of "I work well with others."
Try these tactics out on the questions below. Keep in mind, sometimes it’s easiest to start with a “tell” response, then spruce it up to “show.”

9) Common Issues In Coding Interviews
And how to fix them
The biggest, scariest issues
I keep getting lost or stuck in the middle of technical questions.
Getting stuck during a coding interview can be really demoralizing. That is, until you get good at getting un-stuck. That's right, you can get good at getting un-stuck! You just have to learn the steps.
But surprisingly, sometimes you're supposed to get stuck, and sometimes you're supposed to lose your train of thought. To understand why, read up on how the coding interview is like a maze
Of course, with more practice you're less likely to get stuck or lose your train of thought. Check out our practice coding interview questions.
Finally, make sure you're doing everything you can to get yourself into the best possible headspace in the 24 hours before your big interview.
It takes me forever to solve a single problem.
The trick to finishing problems faster is using a specific process and sticking to it:

  1. Brainstorm and design your algorithm by manipulating sample inputs by hand on the whiteboard. Don't start writing code until you know exactly how your algorithm will work.
  2. Code it up as quickly as possible. Don't get caught up in details like, "should this be a '<' or a '<='?"—just make a check mark in the margin and move on. Don't start debugging it until it's all written out.
  3. Finally, walk through your code with a sample input and fix any bugs you find.
The important lesson here is to never skip ahead. Only move on to the next step after finishing the last step. This keeps your thinking more organized, makes it easier for your interviewer to follow what you're doing, helps you avoid mistakes, and ultimately makes you move faster.
This process is explained in more detail in our general coding interview tips article.
I'm practicing, but I'm not getting better.
I don't have a CS degree. I don't understand big O notation and algorithms.
A lot of people struggle with data structures, algorithms, and big O notation. Especially people who don't have a computer science degree.
It's easy to think this stuff is just objectively hard to understand, since it's associated with the "academic" side of software. That makes it seem more technical and difficult.
The truth is this stuff just feels technical and difficult because people are bad at teaching it.
Yes, thinking in algorithms and data structures is a specific skill that's different from general coding. It's a separate thing you have to learn.
But it's very learnable. Check out our Intuitive Guide to Data Structures and Algorithms.
I . . . feel like I'm just not good at this stuff :/
This feeling is very common. The interview process makes us doubt ourselves. It eats away at our confidence. This is called impostor syndrome, and it can be fixed.
The rest of the job search process
How do I get interviews?
But I don't know the latest hip new framework or language.
How long should I allow for my job search?
I got an offer but it expires soon! What do I do?
What about behavioral questions? How do I prepare for those?
Practicing
I know I should practice, but I have trouble finding the time.
For most of us, saying, "I should spend a few hours practicing for coding interviews each week" just doesn't work. Whenever there's a spare hour, it's suddenly really important to send some emails. Or do laundry. Or do some other "productive" bit of procrastination.
The fix is to pick a specific, regular time for your interview practice. Block it off and stick to it.
An hour a day, or a few hours over the weekend. Just pick something you can actually commit to.
Open up your calendar and do it right now.
Couple more tips:

How should I practice?
Not all programming interview practice is made equal. There are a lot of things you can do to make sure you're getting the maximum possible benefit out of your practice sessions. Check out our guide to getting the most out of your coding interview practice.
How long should I spend on each each practice problem?
In general, a coding interview is about 45 minutes of problem solving. Sometimes you'll get a few short technical questions, but usually you'll only dig into one complex algorithmic coding interview question (like the ones in our course).
So, 45 minutes per question is a good rule of thumb. But don’t worry too much if you’re taking longer to finish our practice questions—you’ll get faster with time. Stressing about the clock usually does more harm than good.
Should I do mock interviews? How?
Yes! There are a few great websites that offer mock interviews as a service. Check out:

Or you can grab a buddy and organize some mock interviews yourselves.
For phone interview practice, do it over the computer. Use a shared coding environment tool like CoderPad, and actually talk to each-other over the phone or through Skype (great opportunity to test that your laptop's microphone works!).
For onsite interview practice, whip out some paper and pencils or, better yet, actually get on your feet and write stuff on a whiteboard.
You can even run a mock interview with a nontechnical friend! Try loading up one of our practice questions on a laptop or tablet—the progressive hints and gotchas allow your friend to use the page like a script.
And of course, real interviews are very effective as "mock interviews" :) Reach out to some more companies and try to get some extra interviews.
Onsite Interviews
What should I do the day before an onsite interview?
There's a lot to say about this, and getting yourself into the best possible head space the day before a big onsite can make a huge difference!
Read our full guide on what to do in the 24 hours before a big onsite interview.
And check out our guided meditation for visualizing yourself breezing through a day of onsite interviews.
My whiteboard always gets really messy :/
This is pretty common, and it can actually be a big problem. A messy whiteboard makes it more likely that you or your interviewer will get totally lost trying to understand your code, especially when you come back to it a few minutes later to walk through it with a sample input. Here are some tips:
Start in the very top-left corner of the board. Most people's instinct is to leave some margin on the left and top of the board, so their code comes out "centered." But this just ends up leaving you with less space. And you want all the space you can get.
Leave blank space between each line as you write your code. This makes it much easier to add an extra line later.
Take an extra second to carefully name each variable. Don't rush this part! It might seem like this'll slow you down, but using more descriptive variable names actually ends up saving you time in the end. Few reasons why:

  1. You're less likely to confuse your interviewer, which means you don't have to waste time explaining things.
  2. You're less likely to confuse yourself, especially later on when you go back and walk through your code with a sample input to see if it works.
Miscellaneous
What do I do if I get rejected?
Rejection happens. It’s an ugly reality of the interview process. If you can afford to, take a brief break from your studying so you can come back fresh.
The good news: You’re better at interviewing now. Sure, running practice questions is good preparation, but actually getting out there and failing some interviews is great preparation. Nothing approximates real interviews quite like other real interviews!
Reach out to the company and ask for feedback. Some companies can’t do this for legal reasons, but it never hurts to ask.
Keep in mind that rejection can happen for any number of reasons. There’s definitely an element of randomness. A lot of Google engineers feel there’s only a 50-50 chance they’d get an offer if they went through the interview process again.
Sometimes company priorities change, and they decide they need to slow down hiring. Sometimes you just get unlucky and get the interviewers who like to give low ratings.
There’s lots you can do to prepare, but there’s also lots that you can’t control. The best you can do is keep showing up and slowly getting better!
EDITS are always welcome!
submitted by Cyberrockz to u/Cyberrockz [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 13:35 Army_Bot Summary For: Weekly Question Thread (10/19/2020 to 10/25/2020)

There's a chance this question can't be answered but I thought I'd try. I'll soon be required to sign my contract and choose my job. My parents and I do not speak, haven't for years. My sister is special needs, and a dependent of my parents. She was born in Germany while my dad was stationed there years and years ago. Bottom line, under no circumstances will my parents cooperate in providing me with documents such as my sister's birth certificate, were I even inclined to ask them which I am not. I'm pretty sure this means I won't be able to choose a job with a security clearance, am I correct in this? I had heard that I'm required to provide proof of citizenship for all of my siblings in order to receive clearance but that could be hearsay. In particular I had wanted to attend RASP but that might be unobtainable with a clearance prerequisite.
Link to Comment Chain
Does anyone have input on a mos in the medical field that would translate to the civilian world? I was told about radiology or nursing among others. Also was interested in doing something combat arms, maybe infantry, and was wondering how people in that mos liked it.
Took the asvab and everyone told me I could pick any job I want in the army with the scores I made just don’t even know what I made on it in terms of specific scores just overall grade of 93.
Link to Comment Chain
Does anyone know why those lithium ASIP batteries specify "DO NOT USE IN JAVELIN" when those are the exact type of batteries meant to be put in a CLU?
Link to Comment Chain
So no one in my clinic can seem to answer this, but where can I get a packet to go flight medic?
Link to Comment Chain
Recently commissioned into the Reserves out of ROTC with no prior service.
My unit is making me the XO right off the bat. Kind of nervous as my only experience is ROTC and don’t have the slightest idea how to even Army.
Will I die? If so, will it be a quick or painful death?
Link to Comment Chain
Any recruiters on here have the official FY21 Civilian OCS USAREC board dates? I’ve submitted for the December board but my recruiter can’t find the official dates.
Link to Comment Chain
Is 33 to old to join the army? Also, are there age restrictions on special forces? Would not want to be placed in a MOS I didn’t want. Any info on SF application.
Link to Comment Chain
Prior service here. Given the option would you choose to commission into FA or AR? With the new TBB model I am most preferred by both and just poking around for hot takes. Thanks in advance
On mobile, mods can delete if this is the wrong spot but those MOS mega threads don’t get much love anymore.
Link to Comment Chain
Do I qualify for BAH?
Good afternoon everyone. I've been in a year long process of joining the Army reserves. Between then and now I've had two recruiters. After signing my contract my initial recruiter was sent to another state for another position. When I was initially enlisting he told me I would qualify for BAH during basic training and AIT since I rent an apartment, despite not being married or having any dependents. I just met my new recruiter yesterday, he seems new to the position, and he told me that I don't qualify because I'm not married or have dependents. Did my initial recruiter give me false information or does my new recruiter not know what he's talking about?
Help would be great. I live on my own and don't have family in the area so it would be great if I can keep my apartment and not be homeless after AIT training. Thank you.
Link to Comment Chain
Just verifying, my recruiter told me today they're no longer precessing RE-3 waivers. Can anyone verify?
Thanks
Link to Comment Chain
Is it a good idea to get an associates degree before joining? What type of job opportunity’s does having one open up?
Link to Comment Chain
Are commissioning 2LTs authorized to wear their branch's regimental distinctive insignia at commissioning? I've seen some do it and some not.
AR 670-1 says:
"19–22. Regimental distinctive insignia
a. Authorization. RDI of a design approved by TIOH are authorized and prescribed for wear by all Soldiers affiliated with a regiment or whole-corps regiment (based on a Soldier’s branch/corps/special branch, as determined by PMOS or specialty)."
I'm not sure if commissioning 2LTs are considered affiliated with their branch regiment though.
Link to Comment Chain
Active duty here. An NCO mentioned that sometimes command can approve you to go to school full time while active duty. Looking to get my paramedic but is it actually a thing to get approved to go to school as your ‘place of duty’?
Link to Comment Chain
Prior service here shipping to 11X OSUT next week. What should I bring beyond the packing list? Any recommendations for what else to bring? Laptop ok? An extra pair of civis?
Link to Comment Chain
Does time in BCT and AIT count toward TIS requirements for dropping a packet for Civil Affairs or PSYOP? (For reference: according to the ARSOF recruiting website, CA requires "no less than one year TIS and no more than four years TIS and three years TIG" for dropping a packet. PSYOP requires "a minimum of 18 months in service".) If you have a long AIT, could you conceivably drop a packet only a few months after reaching your first unit?
I'd be entering as an E4 due to a college degree, so rank requirements aren't an issue in my particular case.
And yes, I'm aware that PSYOP has an initial entry option. I've weighed my options very carefully and for a variety of reasons, I would prefer to join in a different MOS and drop a packet down the line.
Link to Comment Chain
What is the documentation that says a unit cannot prevent a Soldier from going to SFAS? Is there a MILPER / ALARACT / Memo?
I thought going for ARSOF got you out of almost any requirement? Or is that just another Army myth?
Link to Comment Chain
Can a unit make jump boots required? These dudes are saying I must purchase them for my dress uniform. They haven't shown me any sort of documentation saying it though.
Link to Comment Chain
If you get awarded the active duty option green to gold scholarship, do you get to pay in state tuition for the college you attend?
Link to Comment Chain
I was recently In the process of enlisting and after months of work because of waivers it was done. But I told me recruiter and his boss that I have a baby on the way due in November and I don’t really wanna ship out before his birth. They told me over and over (mostly the boss, can’t remember the rank or name) that he can just push up my due date as long as I need after I go and enlist because I had a MEPS date to go and get everything done. I was skeptical but he was so sure and I was reassured multiple times. So after I go and enlist and get a ship date that is 2 weeks away, about a a week after he calls and says “I can’t push your date” and tries to get me to leave and convince me but I did not.
I decided to stay to see the birth of my baby and ended up as a no show for shipping out pretty much. I haven’t really talked to my recruiter or his boss since it happend since I felt like I was tricked and stupid for not waiting to enlist and not showing up. Since I still wanna leave just after my son is born what is the chance when you failed to show up once?
Link to Comment Chain
Hello! Just a quick question. I am married with no kids. When i ship out. Will i start getting BAH right away? My wife and i rent an apartment currently month to month and the basic salary isnt great but with BAH on top of it we will be good to go so i wanted to be sure id be able to support her while im away. Thanks in advance!
Link to Comment Chain
How do you actually apply for positions that appear on the ACT (Army Career Tracker) website? Do you just reach out to your branch manager if you meet all the requirements? And how likely is it that you would even be approved (assuming you're competitive)?
Link to Comment Chain
Prior Service Advice Needed PLEASE!
Hey battles! I’m looking to re-enlist after being out for 3 years. (COVID took a toll on my family, plus call me crazy, but I really miss the camaraderie) I did 5 years active duty, so I feel I mostly know what I’m getting back into.
Any helpful tips or advice from prior enlisted guys and gals is much appreciated! I’ve gotten back in pretty good shape and I’m relearning all the creeds. Is there anything you wish you would have done different or would have wished someone informed you of?
My main questions are:
  • do you get any new uniforms issued to you? I hooked all my buddies up when I got out. I have one complete set of OCPs and that’s it. I need summewinter PTs, probably 4 more sets of OCPs, and my ENTIRE dress blues (or Greens, I’m unsure of which ones now)
  • I got out in 2017. I know they’re establishing pinks and greens, they already have a new PT test, 100% OCP uniforms now... anything else new?
  • I had a secret clearance with my 25Q job and it is expired now. I’d have to get a new one. I got a DUI 1 month after I got out 😓, but I have had a clean record and not even a single ticket since then. Would that impact me getting a new clearance? Should I even mention that at MEPS when I go back? I won’t lie, but I won’t unnecessarily rat on myself.
  • I have a wife and a 1 year old now, didn’t have them when I was in previously. Any tips for active duty parenthood would be awesome.
I’m searching for some real help here, so please save the “DON’T DO IT!” comments lol.
Thanks 🤙🏻
Link to Comment Chain
Does the army have a pediatrician MOS?
Are people with asperger's allowed in the army?
Am i allowed to bring my PC setup to deployment?
Are you allowed to use your cellphone on deployment?
Are you allowed to date, crank, and marry another soldier on deployment?
Link to Comment Chain
So I’ve narrowed it down to 25B and 25U. I’m leaning more towards 25B but want to make sure I’m not missing anything. From what I’ve heard not every MOS actually does their job so I’ll try to give what detail I can. I’m coming in as an E-4. The 25U comes with bonus but 25B does not. I’m located in Utah (which I hear is pretty good for reservists). My goal is eventually a 3 letter agency so I figured an MOS with secret clearance will help. I don’t qualify for any TS right now due to family citizenship so those unfortunately aren’t an option. Any input appreciated for choosing an MOS appreciated
Link to Comment Chain
I have an OSUT/BCT fitness question. I passed medical already but am pretty close to being over the weight limit for my age and height. I can run like, a single mile right now in 11 minutes, but I guess I haven't really pushed myself yet because I thought I'd have months before this enlistment process went anywhere. I walked into my recruiter's office barely two weeks ago. I'm headed back to sign my contract and pick my job soon, and they're telling me I could ship in the immediate future. so this is cool that it was relatively smooth but I'm a slow as shit fatbody right now with little time to prepare before I go to training. How screwed am I and can I do anything about it beyond obviously running more?
Link to Comment Chain
What’s the best path to getting to airborne school from an INSCOM unit?
Started the process of volunteering for it when I was at DLI but was having issues with my shins so I put that on hold and now I’m going to 470 MI BDE in about 4 months. And I know that being there, airborne ain’t really needed so they don’t have much reason to send me.
Was told by a careerist tho that they can give you a slot as a reward for certain things like competition?
Link to Comment Chain
Just trying to get some insight here, I am trying to switch branches and become a 91A I was told there are only 6 duty stations I can go to Texas, Colorado, California, Kansas, and Georgia. Is this true or are there more locations I could be stationed?
Link to Comment Chain
Hey, I am curious as to what the current issue winter parka is and if they are available for surplus. I saw the m65? Also are the military ones decent? Is there better cold weather gear available through surplusm? I need/with it for doing snow removal work. Thank you for answering in advance, I did look online but could not find anything on the current issue one.
Link to Comment Chain
What exactly do you get to keep/take home after bct and ait? I know many of the things you’re issued are owned By the DoD but do you keep the uniform, boots, track suit,etc? Or is all of that essentially loaned out?
Link to Comment Chain
Wanting to reclass to a packet MOS (35L), do I talk to my career counselor or a recruiter on post about it?
Link to Comment Chain
I just had a question regarding joining, so I was misdiagnosed with ADD (Was given that misdiagnosis diagnosis by a board certified psych) and was wondering if I would still have to put down that I have ADD for MEPs? And if so would I still have to get a waiver for it? For context the last time I took meds was 2+ years ago and it was only for about a year. Thanks!
Link to Comment Chain
I have a cat tattoo on my hand and one behind my ear and behind the other ear is a dog tattoo(in memory of my two cats and dog, thay are also just simple line work) I wanna know could I still join even tho I have them or do I have to remove them?
Link to Comment Chain
Is there no way I can join the army with my (23) ASVAB score. I’ve tried multiple practices sites but they haven’t raised my score. What’s a site or app that can actually help me, and are they still doing test with COVID-19 going on
Link to Comment Chain
Going on assignment in Korea and want to volunteer for Airborne afterward. If anyone has done this before how many travel days are allotted to take care of personal things and get to Benning as soon as you return to CONUS?
Link to Comment Chain
This is a question probably only a current recruiter or meps employee can answer
I'm prior service active duty looking to get back into active duty.
I got a meps date to do a physical. I went, and was turned away because "my recruiter tried skipping steps"
Meps says its my recruiters fault. Recruiter says its meps fault.
Anyway, apparantly it was because of a new rule JUST implemented where meps has to verify through my previous records on an online portal I was separated for a reason OTHER THAN medical reason before I can get my physical done.
Now, this was about 3 weeks ago and im STILL waiting to get a date. My recruiter keeps saying any day now ill be getting a date.
Does anyone have any experience with this particular situation?
Is my recruiter not doing the work he needs to do or is meps not doing what they need to do? Is this a typical case of the government taking forever to get anything done?
I cant imagine it is very difficult to process my situation but there's always more going on behind the scenes of course.
Just asking if I should look into a different recruiter or if this is MEPS being MEPS.
Hope this makes sense.
Thank you in advance
Link to Comment Chain
I keep seeing different definitions of MOS74.
Some list a bunch of different letters that are basically all systems administration and programming jobs while others list it as some kind of chemical handling.
What is MOS 74? And if I really want to learn to code/program in the military what is the best MOS?
Link to Comment Chain
I'm planning on joining the Army, and I want to do the job of 91F. I've been told by a recruiter that my best bet is to enlist as Infantry or Cav Scout and work my way up by doing things like Volunteering for Unit Armorer and keeping my head up, and trying my damndest any and every time they're looking for them.
Is this true, or is there a better path?
Lastly, if this is the best option, what exactly would the major differences be for being a Cav Scout as opposed to Infantry?
Link to Comment Chain
Prior service coming back in. Wtf does a 35M do at an MP BDE headquarters company? Recruiter doesn’t know.
Link to Comment Chain
I'm kind of confused why so many people report having hated being in the infantry (or scouts or any combat mos in general). To be clear I'm not surprised that the infantry is difficult, uncomfortable, high stress etc. I'm confused that people are surprised when they find out that it is all of those things when they join the army, as if they didn't do any research or read ahead about what was waiting for them.
 
I'm not surprised they hate motor pool, the long amounts of time in the field, garrison life in general, the burden on their bodies from the constant training and rucking etc, the fuck fuck games, the manual labor and cleaning details etc. That's all fair, I get it, none of that sounds fun. I just don't understand why did they join the army or the infantry in particular if that stuff was a deal breaker for them? Did they really not know what was going to happen to them?
 
My actual concern however is the claim that the infantry in general has a toxic culture/leadership overall. But are those accusations accurate in a blanket statement or is that hyperbole? Is that the infantry's fault or is that unit dependent and you just have to roll the dice when you enlist just like the entirety of the army?
 
I'm older, currently working in private security, a job I chose after working a very nice cushie desk job in a high value brand bank. So this kind of thing is what I actually want. Maybe, just maybe one day I'll go finish my college degree or something when my body no longer lets me do the things I do.
 
Bottom line for me some time in the infantry (or scouts or some combat arms mos in general) will boost my resume quite a bit and open up a lot of doors for higher profile contracts, not to mention more stimulating/interesting and experientially rewarding contracts. on top of that service and the personal experience would be very meaningful to me, combat deployment or not. I'm not joining expecting to do much besides but the often lamented tasks I mentioned at the beginning of the post. In my specific case joining the infantry would directly contribute to my post-military career so I guess I'm unique in that regard. I understand how getting a different skill from a different job would be more helpful to most people for life after the military.
 
I'm just trying to understand if there's some important perspective that I'm missing here. Am I being too hard on the people that joined the infantry with starry eyes and dreams of being a ninja ranger sniper seal terrorist killing machine? Is there some big aspect to all of this that I just don't understand? I'm totally capable of ignorance or having a skewed perception due to some bias. I'd like to learn as much as I can to help integrate with the people I'll be working with in that environment. Any insight would be appreciated.
Edit: so like do I order food now? Do you have anything low carb?
Link to Comment Chain
Fayetteville question... Anyone know of a good knife place to get something laser engraved for a good buddy who is PCSing soon. Or any other good gift ideas.
Link to Comment Chain
I was wanting to know from anyone’s personal experience for 13B and 12B. I’m really interested in either of the two but was wondering what day to day life is like for either jobs as enlisted coming in, as well as general advice for either or insight.
Link to Comment Chain
Question about new qualification/TC_3-20.40 as I can’t access it on my phone at the moment
Pertaining to Night/Night CBRN
Does a unit having their Soldiers using iron sights with day apertures (unit weapons no longer have the old flip between day/night, only day aperture now)
No nvgs, no peq-15s
Seem at all reasonable/in line with guidance?
Link to Comment Chain
Any SOF guys willing to answer some questions from a regular infantry TL?
Link to Comment Chain
Pretty retarded question but does anyone know if I can enlist while living in Canada?
Link to Comment Chain
Are infantry slots still scarce? I'd heard the last month or so there haven't been all that many.
Link to Comment Chain
does anyone know how location specific SRB’s work? specifically asking about the first line of the SRB message where going to 780 MI BDE has N/A (EA,TD) listed under MOS. I’m a 35P and was wondering if that supersedes my current bonus tier
Link to Comment Chain
Anyone else experiencing issues with accessing AKO or their ERB?
Link to Comment Chain
Are they allowing spouses to move if AIT is 26 weeks during all this COVID mess? If so, do they help pay for this or only when stationed to a new base?!
Link to Comment Chain
going to MEPS friday for 12b guard, leaving (hopefully) in late decembejan/ early february. couple basic questions that may be redundant and asked often.
how often are people getting COVID at basic/OSUT?
any tips for prepping for boot in the coming months?
any experience of someone going thru covid 12b OSUT?
ty
Link to Comment Chain
Are SF candidates given preference on mos?
Link to Comment Chain
Question just out of curiosity, which may be answerable or not.
Does anyone know the current turn around time for an RE code 3 waiver? My recruiter will be pushing my packet up here soon (finally). I was medboarded in 08 (medboarded out of basic, not MOS qualified) and have all the supporting medical documentation and a letter from my VA doctor clearing me for military service (for reference it was for a stress fracture and a hernia).
Are we talking weeks, months, or longer.
Link to Comment Chain
I've been thinking about joining the Army and enlisting as a combat medic to get my education as a trauma surgeon. My main question would be if the certifications i would have to earn in the Army would be accepted on the civilian side. If anyone knows which certifications I would have to get, and if my time in service could count towards residency and fellowship programs, that would be helpful as well. Thank you.
Link to Comment Chain
Does every applicant fill out an Sf86, even if it’s not required for job?
Link to Comment Chain
I am 25 looking to the join the army, I like the good job stability and it seems like it’s completely different then an everyday job. Seems like it has a sense of purpose How is the work and family life balance? And how much can you realistically save as an E1 or E2 also I am thinking about getting married would BAH start right away?
Link to Comment Chain
Anyone have experience with the new situational promotion board questions ?
They've recently implemented an army wide requirement for boards which include various situational board questions. Has anyone experienced any of these yet? What type of scenarios did they test you on?
Link to Comment Chain
My MEPS is on 10/28/20. My recruiter reserved me a spot for 68C w/ a ship out date 11/16/20. if i sign, am i eligible for the Quick ship bonus? It says on goarmy.com that i can receive $12000 if its within 30days of enlisting. my recruiter said he's not sure or is that a lie? or does it have to be on the contract at MEPS?
Link to Comment Chain
so is the ACFT gone now. Im in OSUT and was wondering.
Link to Comment Chain
So i am in 11b ousut and i dont have my orders yet im wondering where will i most likley go for my first duty station
Link to Comment Chain
submitted by Army_Bot to army [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 13:35 Army_Bot Summary For: Weekly Question Thread (10/19/2020 to 10/25/2020)

There's a chance this question can't be answered but I thought I'd try. I'll soon be required to sign my contract and choose my job. My parents and I do not speak, haven't for years. My sister is special needs, and a dependent of my parents. She was born in Germany while my dad was stationed there years and years ago. Bottom line, under no circumstances will my parents cooperate in providing me with documents such as my sister's birth certificate, were I even inclined to ask them which I am not. I'm pretty sure this means I won't be able to choose a job with a security clearance, am I correct in this? I had heard that I'm required to provide proof of citizenship for all of my siblings in order to receive clearance but that could be hearsay. In particular I had wanted to attend RASP but that might be unobtainable with a clearance prerequisite.
Link to Comment Chain
Does anyone have input on a mos in the medical field that would translate to the civilian world? I was told about radiology or nursing among others. Also was interested in doing something combat arms, maybe infantry, and was wondering how people in that mos liked it.
Took the asvab and everyone told me I could pick any job I want in the army with the scores I made just don’t even know what I made on it in terms of specific scores just overall grade of 93.
Link to Comment Chain
Does anyone know why those lithium ASIP batteries specify "DO NOT USE IN JAVELIN" when those are the exact type of batteries meant to be put in a CLU?
Link to Comment Chain
So no one in my clinic can seem to answer this, but where can I get a packet to go flight medic?
Link to Comment Chain
Recently commissioned into the Reserves out of ROTC with no prior service.
My unit is making me the XO right off the bat. Kind of nervous as my only experience is ROTC and don’t have the slightest idea how to even Army.
Will I die? If so, will it be a quick or painful death?
Link to Comment Chain
Any recruiters on here have the official FY21 Civilian OCS USAREC board dates? I’ve submitted for the December board but my recruiter can’t find the official dates.
Link to Comment Chain
Is 33 to old to join the army? Also, are there age restrictions on special forces? Would not want to be placed in a MOS I didn’t want. Any info on SF application.
Link to Comment Chain
Prior service here. Given the option would you choose to commission into FA or AR? With the new TBB model I am most preferred by both and just poking around for hot takes. Thanks in advance
On mobile, mods can delete if this is the wrong spot but those MOS mega threads don’t get much love anymore.
Link to Comment Chain
Do I qualify for BAH?
Good afternoon everyone. I've been in a year long process of joining the Army reserves. Between then and now I've had two recruiters. After signing my contract my initial recruiter was sent to another state for another position. When I was initially enlisting he told me I would qualify for BAH during basic training and AIT since I rent an apartment, despite not being married or having any dependents. I just met my new recruiter yesterday, he seems new to the position, and he told me that I don't qualify because I'm not married or have dependents. Did my initial recruiter give me false information or does my new recruiter not know what he's talking about?
Help would be great. I live on my own and don't have family in the area so it would be great if I can keep my apartment and not be homeless after AIT training. Thank you.
Link to Comment Chain
Just verifying, my recruiter told me today they're no longer precessing RE-3 waivers. Can anyone verify?
Thanks
Link to Comment Chain
Is it a good idea to get an associates degree before joining? What type of job opportunity’s does having one open up?
Link to Comment Chain
Are commissioning 2LTs authorized to wear their branch's regimental distinctive insignia at commissioning? I've seen some do it and some not.
AR 670-1 says:
"19–22. Regimental distinctive insignia
a. Authorization. RDI of a design approved by TIOH are authorized and prescribed for wear by all Soldiers affiliated with a regiment or whole-corps regiment (based on a Soldier’s branch/corps/special branch, as determined by PMOS or specialty)."
I'm not sure if commissioning 2LTs are considered affiliated with their branch regiment though.
Link to Comment Chain
Active duty here. An NCO mentioned that sometimes command can approve you to go to school full time while active duty. Looking to get my paramedic but is it actually a thing to get approved to go to school as your ‘place of duty’?
Link to Comment Chain
Prior service here shipping to 11X OSUT next week. What should I bring beyond the packing list? Any recommendations for what else to bring? Laptop ok? An extra pair of civis?
Link to Comment Chain
Does time in BCT and AIT count toward TIS requirements for dropping a packet for Civil Affairs or PSYOP? (For reference: according to the ARSOF recruiting website, CA requires "no less than one year TIS and no more than four years TIS and three years TIG" for dropping a packet. PSYOP requires "a minimum of 18 months in service".) If you have a long AIT, could you conceivably drop a packet only a few months after reaching your first unit?
I'd be entering as an E4 due to a college degree, so rank requirements aren't an issue in my particular case.
And yes, I'm aware that PSYOP has an initial entry option. I've weighed my options very carefully and for a variety of reasons, I would prefer to join in a different MOS and drop a packet down the line.
Link to Comment Chain
What is the documentation that says a unit cannot prevent a Soldier from going to SFAS? Is there a MILPER / ALARACT / Memo?
I thought going for ARSOF got you out of almost any requirement? Or is that just another Army myth?
Link to Comment Chain
Can a unit make jump boots required? These dudes are saying I must purchase them for my dress uniform. They haven't shown me any sort of documentation saying it though.
Link to Comment Chain
If you get awarded the active duty option green to gold scholarship, do you get to pay in state tuition for the college you attend?
Link to Comment Chain
I was recently In the process of enlisting and after months of work because of waivers it was done. But I told me recruiter and his boss that I have a baby on the way due in November and I don’t really wanna ship out before his birth. They told me over and over (mostly the boss, can’t remember the rank or name) that he can just push up my due date as long as I need after I go and enlist because I had a MEPS date to go and get everything done. I was skeptical but he was so sure and I was reassured multiple times. So after I go and enlist and get a ship date that is 2 weeks away, about a a week after he calls and says “I can’t push your date” and tries to get me to leave and convince me but I did not.
I decided to stay to see the birth of my baby and ended up as a no show for shipping out pretty much. I haven’t really talked to my recruiter or his boss since it happend since I felt like I was tricked and stupid for not waiting to enlist and not showing up. Since I still wanna leave just after my son is born what is the chance when you failed to show up once?
Link to Comment Chain
Hello! Just a quick question. I am married with no kids. When i ship out. Will i start getting BAH right away? My wife and i rent an apartment currently month to month and the basic salary isnt great but with BAH on top of it we will be good to go so i wanted to be sure id be able to support her while im away. Thanks in advance!
Link to Comment Chain
How do you actually apply for positions that appear on the ACT (Army Career Tracker) website? Do you just reach out to your branch manager if you meet all the requirements? And how likely is it that you would even be approved (assuming you're competitive)?
Link to Comment Chain
Prior Service Advice Needed PLEASE!
Hey battles! I’m looking to re-enlist after being out for 3 years. (COVID took a toll on my family, plus call me crazy, but I really miss the camaraderie) I did 5 years active duty, so I feel I mostly know what I’m getting back into.
Any helpful tips or advice from prior enlisted guys and gals is much appreciated! I’ve gotten back in pretty good shape and I’m relearning all the creeds. Is there anything you wish you would have done different or would have wished someone informed you of?
My main questions are:
  • do you get any new uniforms issued to you? I hooked all my buddies up when I got out. I have one complete set of OCPs and that’s it. I need summewinter PTs, probably 4 more sets of OCPs, and my ENTIRE dress blues (or Greens, I’m unsure of which ones now)
  • I got out in 2017. I know they’re establishing pinks and greens, they already have a new PT test, 100% OCP uniforms now... anything else new?
  • I had a secret clearance with my 25Q job and it is expired now. I’d have to get a new one. I got a DUI 1 month after I got out 😓, but I have had a clean record and not even a single ticket since then. Would that impact me getting a new clearance? Should I even mention that at MEPS when I go back? I won’t lie, but I won’t unnecessarily rat on myself.
  • I have a wife and a 1 year old now, didn’t have them when I was in previously. Any tips for active duty parenthood would be awesome.
I’m searching for some real help here, so please save the “DON’T DO IT!” comments lol.
Thanks 🤙🏻
Link to Comment Chain
Does the army have a pediatrician MOS?
Are people with asperger's allowed in the army?
Am i allowed to bring my PC setup to deployment?
Are you allowed to use your cellphone on deployment?
Are you allowed to date, crank, and marry another soldier on deployment?
Link to Comment Chain
So I’ve narrowed it down to 25B and 25U. I’m leaning more towards 25B but want to make sure I’m not missing anything. From what I’ve heard not every MOS actually does their job so I’ll try to give what detail I can. I’m coming in as an E-4. The 25U comes with bonus but 25B does not. I’m located in Utah (which I hear is pretty good for reservists). My goal is eventually a 3 letter agency so I figured an MOS with secret clearance will help. I don’t qualify for any TS right now due to family citizenship so those unfortunately aren’t an option. Any input appreciated for choosing an MOS appreciated
Link to Comment Chain
I have an OSUT/BCT fitness question. I passed medical already but am pretty close to being over the weight limit for my age and height. I can run like, a single mile right now in 11 minutes, but I guess I haven't really pushed myself yet because I thought I'd have months before this enlistment process went anywhere. I walked into my recruiter's office barely two weeks ago. I'm headed back to sign my contract and pick my job soon, and they're telling me I could ship in the immediate future. so this is cool that it was relatively smooth but I'm a slow as shit fatbody right now with little time to prepare before I go to training. How screwed am I and can I do anything about it beyond obviously running more?
Link to Comment Chain
What’s the best path to getting to airborne school from an INSCOM unit?
Started the process of volunteering for it when I was at DLI but was having issues with my shins so I put that on hold and now I’m going to 470 MI BDE in about 4 months. And I know that being there, airborne ain’t really needed so they don’t have much reason to send me.
Was told by a careerist tho that they can give you a slot as a reward for certain things like competition?
Link to Comment Chain
Just trying to get some insight here, I am trying to switch branches and become a 91A I was told there are only 6 duty stations I can go to Texas, Colorado, California, Kansas, and Georgia. Is this true or are there more locations I could be stationed?
Link to Comment Chain
Hey, I am curious as to what the current issue winter parka is and if they are available for surplus. I saw the m65? Also are the military ones decent? Is there better cold weather gear available through surplusm? I need/with it for doing snow removal work. Thank you for answering in advance, I did look online but could not find anything on the current issue one.
Link to Comment Chain
What exactly do you get to keep/take home after bct and ait? I know many of the things you’re issued are owned By the DoD but do you keep the uniform, boots, track suit,etc? Or is all of that essentially loaned out?
Link to Comment Chain
Wanting to reclass to a packet MOS (35L), do I talk to my career counselor or a recruiter on post about it?
Link to Comment Chain
I just had a question regarding joining, so I was misdiagnosed with ADD (Was given that misdiagnosis diagnosis by a board certified psych) and was wondering if I would still have to put down that I have ADD for MEPs? And if so would I still have to get a waiver for it? For context the last time I took meds was 2+ years ago and it was only for about a year. Thanks!
Link to Comment Chain
I have a cat tattoo on my hand and one behind my ear and behind the other ear is a dog tattoo(in memory of my two cats and dog, thay are also just simple line work) I wanna know could I still join even tho I have them or do I have to remove them?
Link to Comment Chain
Is there no way I can join the army with my (23) ASVAB score. I’ve tried multiple practices sites but they haven’t raised my score. What’s a site or app that can actually help me, and are they still doing test with COVID-19 going on
Link to Comment Chain
Going on assignment in Korea and want to volunteer for Airborne afterward. If anyone has done this before how many travel days are allotted to take care of personal things and get to Benning as soon as you return to CONUS?
Link to Comment Chain
This is a question probably only a current recruiter or meps employee can answer
I'm prior service active duty looking to get back into active duty.
I got a meps date to do a physical. I went, and was turned away because "my recruiter tried skipping steps"
Meps says its my recruiters fault. Recruiter says its meps fault.
Anyway, apparantly it was because of a new rule JUST implemented where meps has to verify through my previous records on an online portal I was separated for a reason OTHER THAN medical reason before I can get my physical done.
Now, this was about 3 weeks ago and im STILL waiting to get a date. My recruiter keeps saying any day now ill be getting a date.
Does anyone have any experience with this particular situation?
Is my recruiter not doing the work he needs to do or is meps not doing what they need to do? Is this a typical case of the government taking forever to get anything done?
I cant imagine it is very difficult to process my situation but there's always more going on behind the scenes of course.
Just asking if I should look into a different recruiter or if this is MEPS being MEPS.
Hope this makes sense.
Thank you in advance
Link to Comment Chain
I keep seeing different definitions of MOS74.
Some list a bunch of different letters that are basically all systems administration and programming jobs while others list it as some kind of chemical handling.
What is MOS 74? And if I really want to learn to code/program in the military what is the best MOS?
Link to Comment Chain
I'm planning on joining the Army, and I want to do the job of 91F. I've been told by a recruiter that my best bet is to enlist as Infantry or Cav Scout and work my way up by doing things like Volunteering for Unit Armorer and keeping my head up, and trying my damndest any and every time they're looking for them.
Is this true, or is there a better path?
Lastly, if this is the best option, what exactly would the major differences be for being a Cav Scout as opposed to Infantry?
Link to Comment Chain
Prior service coming back in. Wtf does a 35M do at an MP BDE headquarters company? Recruiter doesn’t know.
Link to Comment Chain
I'm kind of confused why so many people report having hated being in the infantry (or scouts or any combat mos in general). To be clear I'm not surprised that the infantry is difficult, uncomfortable, high stress etc. I'm confused that people are surprised when they find out that it is all of those things when they join the army, as if they didn't do any research or read ahead about what was waiting for them.
 
I'm not surprised they hate motor pool, the long amounts of time in the field, garrison life in general, the burden on their bodies from the constant training and rucking etc, the fuck fuck games, the manual labor and cleaning details etc. That's all fair, I get it, none of that sounds fun. I just don't understand why did they join the army or the infantry in particular if that stuff was a deal breaker for them? Did they really not know what was going to happen to them?
 
My actual concern however is the claim that the infantry in general has a toxic culture/leadership overall. But are those accusations accurate in a blanket statement or is that hyperbole? Is that the infantry's fault or is that unit dependent and you just have to roll the dice when you enlist just like the entirety of the army?
 
I'm older, currently working in private security, a job I chose after working a very nice cushie desk job in a high value brand bank. So this kind of thing is what I actually want. Maybe, just maybe one day I'll go finish my college degree or something when my body no longer lets me do the things I do.
 
Bottom line for me some time in the infantry (or scouts or some combat arms mos in general) will boost my resume quite a bit and open up a lot of doors for higher profile contracts, not to mention more stimulating/interesting and experientially rewarding contracts. on top of that service and the personal experience would be very meaningful to me, combat deployment or not. I'm not joining expecting to do much besides but the often lamented tasks I mentioned at the beginning of the post. In my specific case joining the infantry would directly contribute to my post-military career so I guess I'm unique in that regard. I understand how getting a different skill from a different job would be more helpful to most people for life after the military.
 
I'm just trying to understand if there's some important perspective that I'm missing here. Am I being too hard on the people that joined the infantry with starry eyes and dreams of being a ninja ranger sniper seal terrorist killing machine? Is there some big aspect to all of this that I just don't understand? I'm totally capable of ignorance or having a skewed perception due to some bias. I'd like to learn as much as I can to help integrate with the people I'll be working with in that environment. Any insight would be appreciated.
Edit: so like do I order food now? Do you have anything low carb?
Link to Comment Chain
Fayetteville question... Anyone know of a good knife place to get something laser engraved for a good buddy who is PCSing soon. Or any other good gift ideas.
Link to Comment Chain
I was wanting to know from anyone’s personal experience for 13B and 12B. I’m really interested in either of the two but was wondering what day to day life is like for either jobs as enlisted coming in, as well as general advice for either or insight.
Link to Comment Chain
Question about new qualification/TC_3-20.40 as I can’t access it on my phone at the moment
Pertaining to Night/Night CBRN
Does a unit having their Soldiers using iron sights with day apertures (unit weapons no longer have the old flip between day/night, only day aperture now)
No nvgs, no peq-15s
Seem at all reasonable/in line with guidance?
Link to Comment Chain
Any SOF guys willing to answer some questions from a regular infantry TL?
Link to Comment Chain
Pretty retarded question but does anyone know if I can enlist while living in Canada?
Link to Comment Chain
Are infantry slots still scarce? I'd heard the last month or so there haven't been all that many.
Link to Comment Chain
does anyone know how location specific SRB’s work? specifically asking about the first line of the SRB message where going to 780 MI BDE has N/A (EA,TD) listed under MOS. I’m a 35P and was wondering if that supersedes my current bonus tier
Link to Comment Chain
Anyone else experiencing issues with accessing AKO or their ERB?
Link to Comment Chain
Are they allowing spouses to move if AIT is 26 weeks during all this COVID mess? If so, do they help pay for this or only when stationed to a new base?!
Link to Comment Chain
going to MEPS friday for 12b guard, leaving (hopefully) in late decembejan/ early february. couple basic questions that may be redundant and asked often.
how often are people getting COVID at basic/OSUT?
any tips for prepping for boot in the coming months?
any experience of someone going thru covid 12b OSUT?
ty
Link to Comment Chain
Are SF candidates given preference on mos?
Link to Comment Chain
Question just out of curiosity, which may be answerable or not.
Does anyone know the current turn around time for an RE code 3 waiver? My recruiter will be pushing my packet up here soon (finally). I was medboarded in 08 (medboarded out of basic, not MOS qualified) and have all the supporting medical documentation and a letter from my VA doctor clearing me for military service (for reference it was for a stress fracture and a hernia).
Are we talking weeks, months, or longer.
Link to Comment Chain
I've been thinking about joining the Army and enlisting as a combat medic to get my education as a trauma surgeon. My main question would be if the certifications i would have to earn in the Army would be accepted on the civilian side. If anyone knows which certifications I would have to get, and if my time in service could count towards residency and fellowship programs, that would be helpful as well. Thank you.
Link to Comment Chain
Does every applicant fill out an Sf86, even if it’s not required for job?
Link to Comment Chain
I am 25 looking to the join the army, I like the good job stability and it seems like it’s completely different then an everyday job. Seems like it has a sense of purpose How is the work and family life balance? And how much can you realistically save as an E1 or E2 also I am thinking about getting married would BAH start right away?
Link to Comment Chain
Anyone have experience with the new situational promotion board questions ?
They've recently implemented an army wide requirement for boards which include various situational board questions. Has anyone experienced any of these yet? What type of scenarios did they test you on?
Link to Comment Chain
My MEPS is on 10/28/20. My recruiter reserved me a spot for 68C w/ a ship out date 11/16/20. if i sign, am i eligible for the Quick ship bonus? It says on goarmy.com that i can receive $12000 if its within 30days of enlisting. my recruiter said he's not sure or is that a lie? or does it have to be on the contract at MEPS?
Link to Comment Chain
so is the ACFT gone now. Im in OSUT and was wondering.
Link to Comment Chain
So i am in 11b ousut and i dont have my orders yet im wondering where will i most likley go for my first duty station
Link to Comment Chain
submitted by Army_Bot to ArmyWQT [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 08:53 myletterforyou I [F20] need some advice and first date tips!!

Omg!!
I think he's gonna ask me out. I'm a 20 year old girl. I've never been on a date. Heck I've never even had a boyfriend. I never got attention from guys during high-school but once I graduated and went to college and started working, my world flipped. I get hit on often and I'm always asked why I don't have a boyfriend.
I met this guy at work and I really really like him. We've flirted a bunch of times and he basically became my work boyfriend.
I told him it's my last week there he's been acting different like he has to say something. I have a feeling he might ask me out. And as much as I'm excited to hear those words, I'm so scared. I've never even been on a date and I have social anxiety. I absolutely hate going out to eat because I get so nervous.
What sucks is that during my first year of college, this guy from school stalked me while we were just in the stages of taking and since then I've been nervous and scared to date.
I don't know what to do. All I know is that I really like him. But he's definitely more experienced and has had an ex, maybe even exes. The only deal breaker is that he smokes and personally I would never date anyone who smokes. He's a good guy and everything but I don't know what's right for me.
Please help me, what should I do? How do I even react? And should I just give it a shot and see where it goes?
TLDR: have a feeling im gonna get asked out by my work boyfriend. I need some tips.
submitted by myletterforyou to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 05:29 Gep135 How to get the girl everyone wants?

So this is the classic, timeless question. How do I get the girl that could have any guy she wants? I’m a college student and I’ve been very close with this girl for about a year. I think she’s absolutely perfect but,the problem is, so does everyone else. We catchup and hangout occasionally and the vibe is really great and flirty. I’m an average, good looking guy, but typically she seems interested in college athletes, or extremely handsome guys who look like they’re Calvin Klein models.
Just from talking to her I know EVERY guy has tried to get with her. I could literally just name people I know and she has some story where they hit her up and tried to take her on dates, hangout etc. How can I ever stand a chance with this girl? I think the only advantage I have is that we’re close friends but I have no idea if she’s interested in me romantically. I’m assuming she thinks I like her because basically every guy she’s friends with likes her, and I’m very flirty with her. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. I don’t know how I can compete when every guy on campus wants a shot with her.
submitted by Gep135 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.26 02:53 sophuckyouu First time SB about to meet POT & have some pre-m&g jitters

Sooo I’ve been a long time luker on this page and haven’t had much luck on SA. Finally think I found a POT who I’m planning to meet with this week. We’ve agreed on ppm/allowance (which is verrrry generous) and he’s already given some sugar pre-coffee date. I just have some jitters as this is my first time on a M&G and am a bit afraid of rejection, awkwardness, and other horror stories I’ve read on here. About me: I’m 26, 5 ft average/a little curvy (140, size 8/10) Latina, and college educated. Any tips for the nerves, first time M&G or word to the wise? Please be nice!! Thank you, very much appreciated
submitted by sophuckyouu to sugarlifestyleforum [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 17:46 dogeman87 I found a dangerous treasure. [Final]

Part 1

Breaking into a museum is hard. The movies portray robbers as geniuses, heists as highly planned events that baffle security. The protagonists- criminals, really- smile and celebrate when they pull off the stunt, and authorities are left clueless.
In reality, it’s almost impossible to get away with robbery. There are so many ways it can go wrong. First you have to get out of the building. Security cameras, guards, eyewitnesses, alarm systems that contact the police… there are an infinite number of ways you can get screwed. And that’s only on the inside. When you come out, there are security cameras on every corner, ones on traffic lights and stores and even fucking parks that might pick you up. There’s the matter of a license plate that might lead back to you. There are people that can claim they saw a certain car leaving the scene of the crime. Hell, if you leave identifiable fibers or hairs on the scene you might be caught.
I did my research. Failure was not an option. No matter how hard it was, no matter what the person risk might be, I had to return the treasure. My family, my friends, possibly the world would be doomed if I didn’t pull it off. I don’t like to be overdramatic. In this case, I think I have underemphasized the importance of my mission. If I fucked up, I was committing the entire human race to a gruesome death. Who knew how the coins worked? Maybe they would convince Putin to start a nuclear war. Maybe the next American president would start World War III.
So I recruited help. I still was in contact with a friend who was up to the task. Jack is both a movie buff and a security guard. He had seen the best of both worlds. He knew what parts of heist movies were realistic and what parts were complete horseshit. He could recommend how I evade the guards and security measures at the museum, what I might expect to run into, the precautions that I would have to take.
I never told him what I was doing. He would never have helped otherwise. I told him I was interested in writing a book and that I wanted to make sure my heist was as accurate as possible. God bless him, he believed me. I don’t read much, have never written more than a couple essays in my life, and he thought that I was serious.
His advice also taught me one important lesson: guards are often naïve. You ever see a movie where security is laughably bad, oblivious to an ongoing robbery and incapable of containing it when they find out? That’s partially true. A lot of things in movies and books are true, especially the ones that seem unrealistic. Lawyers that harangue law enforcement to protect their client? It happens. Incompetent law enforcement that botches an investigation? I think we all know how real that is, given the current happenings of the world. The same applied to museum security… or so I thought.
There were a lot of hurdles to overcome. First, I had to master the entrance and escape. I could not be identified outside of the building. This would prove more difficult than I imagined. The first order of business was to get another car. I’m not exactly rich, so it was difficult, to say the least. I settled on my cousin’s Honda Civic, a white model that was indistinguishable from any others on the road. No bumper stickers, no scratches or mods. Unbeknownst to him, I visited a junkyard and purchased an old license plate as a “souvenir,” then used that on the Civic.
I purchased a ski mask. You might be thinking that wearing a mask is cliché, that only people in movies do it and that there are better ways of concealing yourself. Wrong again. True, there might be better ways of going undetected, but a mask was the easiest. I also got some baggy black clothing to blend in with the darkness and conceal any details about my body they might glean from cameras.
That was the final problem: the street cameras. Eyewitnesses, too. I was probably fine with the precautions I had taken. My clothes would get burned after I used them, the car was owned by someone three hundred miles away, and I and the car would not be identifiable. Still, I would probably be recorded, and they might see a man with a ski mask driving a Honda Civic. The odds of them tracing it back to the correct one- and to me, no less- were staggeringly low, but was there a way of being more cautious?
I decided it was impossible. For every camera I avoided or tried to sabotage, another might capture me. I had to hope that what I had done already would be enough.
My preparations up to that point were the easy part. Next, I had to deal with actually entering the museum.
I managed to get a floor plan of the archive rooms online. As sketchy as it was, I went onto the dark web and hired a hacker to help me out. He found records of exactly where the treasure was being kept. I did not tell him exactly what I was looking for, only that I wanted the floor plans. I made sure to use a VPN whenever I spoke with him and received his messages. I even bought an old laptop from a city fifty miles away so that I could use that instead of my own. I accessed the dark web in public places and then scrapped the laptop once I transferred everything over to a hard drive.
I determined the best route to enter and exit the museum. There were cameras everywhere. Disabling them would be difficult. They were impossible to avoid, and anything I might do to destroy them en masse- an EMP, for example- would tip security off. The police would be called, and if that happened there was no way I would escape in time.
There was also the alarm system. I had to get through two locked doors which, if broken through, would automatically call the police. They would be there in minutes, way before I exited with my treasure. I would be caught and put in prison. The evidence would be irrefutable. While I rotted in jail, I would only be able to watch as more family and friends died or were irreparably harmed.
I decided that the cameras were unavoidable. I could not disable them all, and even disabling certain ones might give clues about my movements and identity. I had no idea how, but I was aware that an investigation would reveal things I had not considered. Most stories you see show the protagonists thinking one step ahead of the police, of the FBI, of the entire fucking government at times. Truth is, you never are able to cover every angle. You always leave some bit of evidence behind, and it might not be enough to catch you, but it also might be a death sentence. You can’t consider every possibility. I liken it to a professor making an exam: the professor has all the power, they can create whatever questions they want, and no matter how much a student prepares he or she will encounter something that they never expected.
So I did nothing about the cameras. I figured my disguise would be sufficient. That obviously left the problem of being spotted. My hacker determined that only the alarms would call the police. Only the guards were watching the cameras. Some places like small banks do go through constant police surveillance, but a museum holding tens of thousands of artifacts? Good luck. It would take a hell of a lot of personnel to watch every room.
I had caught a break. All I had to do was ensure the guards in the video room didn’t alert the police. At the same time, it made my job a lot harder. I had to somehow distract or eliminate them. I say eliminate, not kill. Murder was always out of the question for me, and I suspect that it would have made the investigation much more rigorous had the police found bodies. I stood a greater chance of being discovered. And if I killed more than one man… well, I was looking at a long time in prison.
I couldn’t ask Jack to contact the museum for me. I might have been able to set up an interview with security there, learn about their patterns and their break times, but it was too risky. I had already told Jack about my intentions, and I didn’t know if he would make the connection. Most likely he wouldn’t, because I asked him questions a couple weeks in advance, and I figured the robbery would not be a big news story. Still, telling him my intentions had been a risk. It was a small risk, though, because I knew him and I knew the likelihood of him hearing about what would happen. No operation is without risk. If he was my only loose link, I was okay with that.
Talking to museum security, though? I’d be asking to get caught. What would they think if some guy started asking all kinds of questions and then something was stolen under their nose? I knew the police wouldn’t find more evidence than that to connect me to the crime, but I wouldn’t have an alibi, and, as I said earlier, the cops have fucked up investigations. Certainly the system has convicted innocent men, some with very little evidence at all. I had no illusions about my ability to defend myself at trial. If they found enough circumstantial evidence to their liking, I’d be arrested and tried, and at the very least I’d be under heightened scrutiny. At worst, I’d be found guilty, and that would be a disaster. Sure, I wouldn’t tell them what I did with the treasure- I could even lie and say I sold it on the dark web and that I’d lost track of it- but I also didn’t want to spend time in prison.
So I had two big problems to deal with. One: how was I going to get in without being spotted on video? I knew they’d find the footage later, when they realized something had been stolen, but I could not afford to be caught in the act. Two: I had to get past the alarm system. That meant getting a card key to the door. Breaking in was not an option.
The obvious solution was to pay a visit to the security guards. Knock out whoever was in the video room, steal their key, enter the room, return the key somewhere, and leave undetected. The problem was how I would do it. I had no idea where security guards would be in the hallways. I had mapped out a route through maintenance tunnels and back rooms that would take me to the archives, but getting into the video room? I’d have to go through main hallways, and I was not about to carry a gun. As I said, murder was not an option. It would also add one more thing to the case that could be traced, and I did not want to leave the police more evidence.
You might think that nonlethal weapons would be an option. Those were bad, too, because I suspected cameras would pick up on what I was using. I might have been able to buy some through the dark web, and I might have hidden them well enough after the crime, but it was another way I might have been discovered.
I struck gold when I discovered that the night shift was rather sparse. The information had been buried within other logistical nonsense that meant nothing to me. The hacker I had hired did a damn good job. He had found the rough plans for security guards at night. It had been determined that two guards were to stay in the video room, two were to roam the halls, and one was to be on-call if needed, which probably meant he was sitting somewhere playing on his phone.
This new detail made my life a lot easier. All I had to do was disable the two guards in the video room. I would hear one person coming down the hall. I would be wearing special boots that reduced sound from walking. I could quietly walk in the other direction and avoid the guard. The odds were good that I wouldn’t even encounter the two, as long as I entered the video room undetected. I even realized that, once I was in the room, I could see exactly where they were and check their position against my own map, then avoid them easily.
I had eliminated most of the risk. There was an extremely small chance that my escape would link me specifically to the crime. I did not think I would get caught by one of two guards in the hallways. I could sneak into the security room and disable the guards with a couple quick blows to the head. I had purchased an electrified police baton. I’d bash the first guy over the head, and I could shock the second before he or she could react.
My plan was as foolproof as it would get. Now all I had to do was wait.
*
I chose a Friday night. Fridays are when people go out to bars and parties, to friend’s houses for dinner or late-night movies. There would be a lot of traffic on the road, but not so much that it would slow my escape. I would be masked by the dozens of other cars and also able to make a quick getaway, driving down back roads that I had studied and driving calmly past traffic lights. In all likelihood, no one would know the treasure had been stolen, and no one would see what I was wearing in the dark. Surely there would be almost no good Samaritans that called the police on someone in a ski mask. And if they did? The police would laugh. They can’t do anything unless they see an actual crime in progress. My mask would not be enough to get me detained.
I parked on the street, a block over from the museum. I entered through the back door that I knew would be unlocked. I picked the other door on the inside that was not hooked up to the alarm system. I had for the past week practiced picking all sorts of locks, and I had become very proficient.
I entered without a hitch. The hallways were dead. I would have heard someone coming from half a mile away, and no one did. As I had suspected, the place was so big that no one encountered me.
You might think that I forgot one key detail: what about the guards in the video room? Wouldn’t they see me and call the police before I got there? As it turned out, there was a hallway that had no cameras which led to a breakroom. That breakroom had a maintenance shaft which led to a hallway which did not open up to any cameras. From there, I could enter the video room undetected and knock out the guards.
The shaft was dark. I was glad I wasn’t claustrophobic. I felt like I was going through an underground bunker, the way the walls and ceilings closed in around me. I had brought two headlamps, but I didn’t need the backup. My first one worked just fine.
I proceeded as silently as I could, slowly opening the door into the hallway that lead to the video room. When I approached, I inched the door open, waiting for it to creak. It did not. The door was solid metal, on hinges that were as new as the rest of the archival wing, and the guards were talking anyways.
A man and woman sat at a table, their backs to me. I had worried that they might spot me entering and yell up a storm, so I had 3D-printed a gun model. In the heat of the moment, there was no way they’d identify it as a fake. They would not be stupid. They’d cooperate, and I would knock them out without causing a commotion.
Sneaking up on them did not prove as easy. The woman spotted me, and when she did I raised the gun and told her to shut the fuck up. She did. They both stayed where they were, and I whipped out my baton then. I went for the man first because he was built like a tank. He went down with a quick jab of electricity. The woman screamed and whipped out her gun. Fortunately, I was faster, and I took her down too.
I scanned the camera displays. Finding the other two guards took a while. I had to scroll through a bunch of feeds. When I did find them, I determined that they were far from the video room. They did not look alarmed. They had not heard the woman, nor had they discovered any other signs of a break-in.
I was on an adrenaline high, and I realized I might get too cocky. I took a few deep breaths to calm down. I removed the guards’ guns and hid them in a cabinet. When I was sure they were out cold, I mapped out my route again and headed toward the archives.
The key worked like a charm. No one spotted me, and I guess the guards didn’t wake up while I was gone. I probably took five minutes getting to the room the treasure was held in. It was under a piece of cloth on a table in the center of the room. Thankfully it was not behind glass. I had known that was a possibility, and I had planned for it: I knew there were certain tools you had to use to break the seals on glass cases, I had researched where they might be held in the building, and I had been fully prepared to try removing said case. The walls were thick concrete, and I doubted anyone would hear what I was doing. Besides, I’d have to take the risk, and odds were that whoever heard the sound would have come to investigate, in which case I’d have knocked them out with my baton, ambushing them at the doorway.
Everything went smoothly. I did not have to break open a case, and no other guards pursued me. I gave the camera outside a thumbs-up for good measure, left the card key outside the door, and made my way out of the building.
I shoved the chest in a leather sack I had brought and made my way to the car. I half-expected someone to encounter me on the street and exclaim that there was a robbery in progress. The mask and bag would have been a pretty dead giveaway. I also was counting on the incompetency of police and that, even though I looked like I was robbing something, they wouldn’t have any evidence and would take their time getting to the scene. By then I’d be long gone.
I checked the streets and, thankfully enough, no one was out walking. I had expected as much. The part of town I was in did not often have people on the sidewalks at night. There were no restaurants or stores nearby that might invite late-night customers. I was safe.
No one questioned me on my way back to the car. I loaded the trunk, jumped in, and drove away, half-expected police to be waiting for me at my house. None were. I unloaded the treasure as quickly as I could, swapped back the original license plate, and shoved my clothes in a trash bag. I would burn them tomorrow at a campground nearby. In the meantime, no one would know they were hidden in my coat closet.
It was nearly midnight, but I couldn’t delay. The guards might have already woken up, and there was no way to know how quickly the police might identify the white Civic that had driven away from the museum. I suspected they might never make the connection, but I couldn’t be sure. I drove the car back to my cousin’s house, arriving two hours later and parking it in the driveway. When I was sure I had wiped it down for fingerprints, I took my own car back and drove it home.
See, I had told my cousin I was going on a road trip, taking advantage of the vacation time I had racked up over the years. My own Volkswagen is old, and it’s not great on highways. It had not been hard to convince my cousin I needed to borrow his car. He was very understanding. His Civic is brand-new, and compared to my car it drives like a McLaren.
I didn’t fall asleep that night. I was too worried about getting an early-morning call or visit from the police. But the call never came. I had taken every precaution to not get caught, and I hadn’t. I was safe.
*
The story made the second page of the local paper. I had subscribed a couple weeks ago. I wanted to make sure that the police did not discover any leads, and, while I knew it might not be in the article, I also knew I could afford the $10 for the monthly subscription.
If the paper was to be believed, they had no clue who had taken the treasure. The guards remembered nothing about the man that had knocked him out, only that they could identify him as a six-foot white male and that he had electrocuted them. Good luck with that description. I was actually five-eleven, and there was not even mention of the Civic I had used to escape. All they had was the guards’ accounts and the video footage of the masked man with the treasure.
I couldn’t believe it. I had actually pulled off a museum robbery. I had planned for weeks, all the while worrying about when the next family member would die, and I had gotten out unscathed. The next day I had taken the treasure back to where it belonged and buried it deep. No one had noticed me then, mostly because no one was at that stretch of beach. I hid the box just in case by putting it in a lunch cooler.
Maybe the curse had stopped because the treasure knew of my intentions. I had started crafting my plan days after my girlfriend had died. I could not guess as to what forces controlled what had happened. It was entirely possible that they had seen what I was doing and stopped the killings.
For a couple days, I was riding high, ecstatic that I had managed to steal from the museum undetected. I hate to admit it, but I was proud. I had done a lot of work making sure I wouldn’t get caught, and I think I was pretty smart about it. No one ever learned about the Civic, either, which made my escape more miraculous.
There were so many ways it could have gone wrong. I could have encountered a guard, I could have failed to knock out the guards in the video room, I could have been spotted leaving. None of it happened. Maybe the treasure was protecting me, begging for me to remove it from the museum. Maybe it was just luck. Either way, those things did not detract from what I had done.
Eventually I stopped feeling good about what I had done, and the grief returned. No matter what I had or would do, the people that had died would remain dead. I wanted more than anything to blame myself. At the same time, I knew I was innocent, as innocent as my girlfriend had been when she had dug up the treasure with me, as innocent as the scientists and museum personnel that had gushed about the artifact.
I do feel bad for the scientists. They were devastated when the treasure was stolen. They implored the police to find it, to uncover the perpetrator of the crime and bring them to justice. The police had no leads. They only had an eyewitness account of a white male and some footage of a guy in black leaving the building. It would be impossible to narrow down the search, let alone come to any sort of conclusion.
They would get over it. I would rather them be disappointed than go through what I had. I didn’t even care about them, really. I cared about my family. I cared about my mom and grandparents, my cousins that were still alive, my aunt and uncle that had sent me birthday cards since I was five. I was worried about my friends, the ones from college and work that could have dropped dead at any moment. I was scared.
In hindsight, I cannot believe I bought into the whole evil treasure theory. I would have scoffed at such an idea a month ago. Now that more months have passed and that no one else I know has died, I believe I did the right thing. Still, it does not help. I battle with grief every day. I have experienced more death than most people do in a lifetime. I still go to therapy, and I have not had the nerve to go on any dates since my girlfriend was killed.
Think of my actions as you will. Call me crazy if you want. I don’t care what you think. I did what I had to do to protect those I loved. You would do the same, if you had even the inkling of an idea of a supernatural being or entity. It doesn’t seem so outlandish when people you know start dying every other day.
It is over now, and that is all that matters. I have absolved my family of the curse. If I have done things right, the treasure will never be rediscovered by humans. Perhaps we will destroy ourselves or even leave the planet before anyone comes close to finding it. Regardless, I will live the rest of my life knowing that I have potentially saved the human race, and that I have by negligence killed several innocents, one that meant the world to me and others that have left me permanently scarred. If I have not made it clear, if anyone finds that cooler with the treasure inside: leave it the fuck in the ground. Do not remove it, or you will undo all that I have done. My suffering will be your suffering, and many others will pay for your ignorance.
submitted by dogeman87 to nosleep [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 15:37 ThrowRA0907 My girlfriend [18f] and I [17m], want to move in together, but I'm not sure if its the right move.

My girlfriend and I have known each other for 6 years as extremely good friends. We've helped each other through lots of shortcomings and hardships, but we've only just started dating about half a year ago. As a result of being part of a early college program, I was able to move out at 17 and get an apartment and job. We live almost 2 hours apart and she wants to move in with me to lessen the stress of coming down every week to come and see her. And I really want her to move in with me as well. But I'm not sure if it really is the best decision.
One thing for me is college. In her home town, she isnt close to any college, but if she moves up here, there arent any colleges that are offering her major. We were thinking online, but I'm not sure how helpful that would be, especially for getting a degree in hospitality (wants to open a diner) and take culinary classes.
Another part is that in her hometown, she has her entire family to help her if something goes wrong. I hate to say it, but I'm not sure if she is 100% emotionally mature. I know she needs to get out and be independent, but in my city with me, she would only have me.
One reason we decided on this is the economical part of it all. Rent here is only $575 everything included, which we can split between us easily, and jobs are more readily available here in my city.
The last reason I'm not so sure is I know that living together, especially when were both still trying to figure stuff out, can lead to huge arguments and the end of a relationship. If there was another choice I would pursue that, but she has insisted on moving in with me. So I guess what I'm asking is, is this really the wise decision and if we do move in together, what are some tips you would give to a couple moving in together?
submitted by ThrowRA0907 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 04:50 missbigsexy I just need to rant

I haven't been happy in months. I got a great first job over the summer and then my amazing owners sold the place to a lawyer couple so they coupd retire. This couple was so nice and they chose me and my best friend (who I got hired there) to be their right hand ladies while they were getting used to everything. This new couple has never owned a restaurant before, and they were rich lawyers based in a big town a whole state over, so they did not know what they were doing. My best friend and I (both 16) literally guided them the whole way to becoming educated business owners. I loved it, I am the type of person who loves having responsibilities, it helps me distract myself when im stressed out and I love being busy. The day after my boyfriend left me for college, on the way to work, I zoned out while driving and cause a wreck, me and the other party were both fine but I really messed up our cars. I had T-boned her going fast on the highway and I was so scared. I thought I had killed this lady and I was mortified that I might have possibly been responsible for someone losing their loved one. She was okay in the end when someone finally let me know how she was doing, but both of our cars were totalled. I drove myself to school and work everyday so this was a really big inconvenience. I worked 26+ hours a week on top of school and extra curriculars to save up for a new car. My entire life was school and work work work. My bosses were who are lawyers really helped me out. They walked me through the insurance process and the husband even went to court with me. They offered me so much help and I was very grateful to them. I had only worked there for three months when they bought the place and I got into my wreck 2 weeks after. I still never missed a shift, always there early, trained 4 new people, came to help my boss update websites when I wasn't even scheduled to work, took care of product orders, I literally dedicated all of my free time to pay them back for their help. The whole time I was dependent on my best friend who worked with me for rides to school in the morning to work in the afternoon and then home at around 9:30 every night. I was with her 24/7 and I am forever grateful for how much she helped me. I was so indebted to her that I would bite my tongue every time she insulted me and belittled me at work even tho we started at the same time and I was even given a raise first (which I didn't mention to her until she brought it up first because she got a raise too eventually). I am an anxious person so every time she would make fun of me, I just laughed it off because im non-confrontational. But after the first month of dependency on her, I was so sick of having to be around her everyday. But I couldn't get a car until I saved enough money, and now luckily I have a nice newer car than before so I don't have to depend on her for anything anymore. It took me a month and a half to finally find a car, and unfortunately it was 11k more than my first one. I have to pay for the note and insurance now which is roughly $300 a month, so I have been working almost every waking hour besides the time I am at work, and on my days off I have to do community service to make up for the ticket I got from the wreck. I haven't had any free time to do anything I enjoy, and it's really taken a toll on my mental health. But it's okay because I still loved my job. Until my boss hired some older people who felt entitled enough to not listen to me when I was training them. They would tell my boss I was being disrespectful to them if I asked them if they had restocked and they would tell me "I don't need help" when I would give them advice. I will admit, I am a really intimidating person but I know all too well from working with my best friend how it feels when someone acts superior over someone who probably knows what theyre doing. I was super nice about everything I said to them and they told my boss that I was rude and disrespectful, so my boss gave me and my best friend a very lengthy talk about how we need to respect everyone and "be nice or leave". Luckily, I didn't have to work with them a lot, so it wasn't that big of a problem to me. However, the older lady that caused all of this got her step-daughter and her step-daughter's husband a job there and I had to work with them quite often. The first night I had to work with the step-daughter was awful, I told her a little helpful tip while we were cooking and her whole demeanor changed from a friendly co-worker to an entitled karen. She went off on me about how she was a "professional chef" and wasnt going to take advice from "a little girl." I was shocked and my face showed it, she told me that I could go ahead and tell our boss because "she knew what she was getting into" when she hired her. So after we left, I called my boss to tell her what happened and she told me that it wasn't my job to tell someone what to do. That girl had been working there for a week and a half and i got in trouble for trying to give her some advice. During the time that my boss hired these other people, she had slowly started taking away my best friend's and my responsibilities and giving them to the new hires. I couldn't believe that she would give up on me and my best friend for these new people when we had helped her so much. So I quit. It was hard because I loved the place and my other coworkers and I got paid good, but I was already under so much stress I wasnt going to work some place where I got no recognition. My other friend ended up getting me a job at her work and I started two days ago right after my two weeks ended and it's been great. Since I don't work with my best friend anymore, we've been trying to hang out during our new free time and she's recently been dating this guy that used to go to our school and she said she really liked him. I was so happy for her because she had previously been in a really toxic relationship and it had ruined her idea of love. But now she was with a new boy who was good to her and I was sure it was going to work out nice for at least a while. Until she came into the restaurant we worked at one night during my two weeks with a random guy who had been hitting on her for a while. I was shocked because she was going on a date with not her boyfriend. I asked her about it and she insisted it wasn't a date and that her boyfriend was okay with it which I couldn't understand because I would be very upset if my boyfriend did that. Oh wait he did go on a breakfast date which he said wasn't a date with his roommates girlfriend. We had a very long conversation with it and we worked it out. So I can understand when two people of opposite sexes hang out with each other and it's totally platonic. But this was different because I know this guy had a huge crush on my best friend. I just kept my mouth shut about it and the next day, what would you know. My best friend tells me that her boyfriend is mad at her for "no reason." I told her that it was definitely because she went on a date and entertained another guy, but she refused to accept that that was the reason. This was all in the past week, and yesterday she invited me to go eat with one of our mutual friends and I was obviously down for that so I went. But before we went to the restaurant she was like we have to wait for (the guy who she went on a date with that wasn't her boyfriend) to get here. I was like what he's coming, and she was like yea I invited him. the whole time we were eating they were touching each other and literally holding hands at one point and I was shocked. Her and her boyfriend have kept it super lowkey that they were dating so it's not public knowledge and theres no way that guy would know unless my best friend had told him, but she knowingly flirted and went on a date again with this guy while her and her boyfriend were still together. The next morning, I asked what was up with that and she was like "my boyfriend hasn't been texting me because hes still mad at me" and I brought up how her and that guy were all over each other while her and her boyfriend were still dating and she did the shit she always does where she refuses to accept blame and twist the situation around to make her the good guy. Somehow she mad me seem like the bad guy in this situation and I just left her on read because I couldn't handle her drama. I told my boyfriend all of this the night it had happened, and he was just as shocked as me that she cheated on her boyfriend. My boyfriend and I are best friends too so we always tell each other everything and today at lunch I told him that I had a conversation with my ex boyfriend at the last football game because he was visiting his family (who was also there when we had the conversation) before he went off to the air force. Another thing to know is that we go to the same church so I would be seeing him Sunday, and his family also gave me advice and helped me get ready for court so I kind of owe them. So when my ex said hey to me at the game with his family I responded and we had some small talk. So I told my boyfriend and he said that I was just a bad as my best friend for doing that because he considered it disrespectful. I couldn't believe he got upset over that. He said he didn't understand why I didn't just ignore him and not talk to him. I worded it in a way when I told my boyfriend about it that it seemed like it was just us talking, so he said he would've just ignored his ex and walked away. I told him that i'm not a rude person and he couldn't understand why I didn't just walk away. I later mentioned that his family was there and they helped me after my wreck and then he was okay with it but I couldn't believe that he just called me a cheater for no reason so we talked about that and I brought up times he did in fact talk to his exes or hang out with random girls at college with his roommate that's definitely a player, and he told me that he wasn't going to let me make him the bad guy. So I just apologized for being rude, and selfish, and trying to make him the bad guy, and betraying his trust. After I texted him that, I told him that I was just going to get ready for work and that I would text him later. This isn't the first time that he's gotten mad at me for stuff that made him insecure and he had a bad previous relationship that made him develop serious trust issues which I completely understand and try to help him through, but its also mentally taxing on me to know that the man im so deeply in love with will never be able to fully trust me even though I have done nothing to give him reason not to trust me. I have never told him that it makes me upset because I know he cant help it and that we just have to work on it together, but it just makes me so sad. These past 2 and a half months have been the hardest of my life. I lost my car and developed PTSD from my wreck so I cant drive past a red light without having a panic attack. I lost a great job and have to start all over again building up a good reputation with new owners and coworkers. I have to budget an already low income so I can keep my car and be able to go to school and work. My rank dropped from number 2 in my class to number 3. My boyfriend is at college so we have to make a long distance relationship work and we have a lot of miscommunication which makes it hard. My best friend has lowered my self esteem and all of my other friends have their own friend groups that causes me to always be a second choice. I started making furniture for my room at the beginning of quarantine but then my dad got hurt and we haven't made any progress in months so my room is a mess and I dont have the motivation to clean it so coming home to a dirty unfinished room depresses me at night. And I quit sports for work so i'm gaining weight which is something ive developed serious self image problems over. Nothing in my life is going right and I have had depression and anxiety since I was 13. Needless to say, I have been in the worst headspace recently and I could not be having a worse time update: just typed this all out in the shower and my boyfriend just snapchatted me telling me he wasnt okay, so I have to end this little pity party and go attend to the emotions and feelings of others while repressing my own until the next cry session
submitted by missbigsexy to Rants [link] [comments]


2020.10.25 02:16 Chrittyboy How to stop getting too attached ?

I have kind of a problem when it comes to meeting and talking to girls and whenever I go on a date where we hit it off really well or we just have deep talks, I realize that I'm super interested in this girl and I just instantly create an attachment.
For example, this one girl at my college who I've been friends with for not too long, we hung out the whole night one day and just being around them made me realize maybe I kinda like them but due to some circumstances I don't think we'll ever happen, so now I'm just here super attached and her on my mind all day when we're really just friends.
I'm not sure how to stop this because I realize it's a terrible thing to always do and it'll just crush me if they don't feel the same way back. Any tips?
submitted by Chrittyboy to AskGirls [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 20:22 kindamymoose [NF] The One (pt 2)

(ii)
The one I wasn’t ready for. The one that still hurts.
2018 was a very strange year for me. I left a job at a regional airliner after I earned my Bachelor’s Degree. On the one end, I was the first person in my four-person family to graduate college. It was a huge accomplishment, though not without its bumps in the road. I earned my degree at the beginning of the year and used it as a point of reference for what I hoped would be a productive year.
In February, I was offered a position that would allow me to use what I learned in a meaningful way. I was wrong, and without getting into an entirely separate story, I’ll keep it short as I can. The opportunity didn’t work. It was at a small automotive manufacturing company. Most employees there were geographically confused and adorned their vehicles and office spaces (if they had them) with Confederate flags. There was a smoker’s pit; it was mostly people just standing around gossiping and smoking. Being a non-smoker myself, I never went and joined. It was probably one reason that later turned into an opportunity for my coworkers to discuss my love life.
It started off innocently enough. My coworker, Terri, asked me if I was married. Nope. In a relationship? Nope. Dating? Nope. Have anyone you have your eye on? Holy shit, Terri, are you interested? It annoyed me just a little. She was an old-timer at the factory, and for that reason, she tried to intimidate younger workers with a sort of “Mother Hen” attitude. It didn’t work on me. I had a mom; I didn’t need a second one. I politely explained to her that I didn’t talk about my dating life at work. She took that and ran with it.
She began spreading rumors about me to fellow coworkers. Lynn, a coworker I’d hardly spoken with, approached me to inform me that her daughter was a lesbian. She followed it up with a smirk. I panicked and headed back to my office. I told my manager what happened. “So, what do you want me to do?” she asked. “You’re adults and I have enough I’m dealing with.” I felt unsafe at work for the first time well…ever.
A few weeks after the incident with Lynn, I turned in my resignation. I was surprised that they were surprised. I am someone that does my best to follow through with commitments, and it hurt that I wasn’t able to. But looking back, it was pretty clearly the right choice.
I took a temp job at a local staffing company. It’s work I’d done before. It came naturally to me, at least the people aspect of it. There was a lot of paperwork and nonsensical rules, though. I pointed out to my office manager, Tracy, that most of the information we stored by hand, where the filing of that information was arduous all on its own, could be stored electronically. She admitted that she wasn’t “great with technology.” She said she missed the old days. I offered to help her organize something. She told me to stop trying to push it on her. Honestly, I didn’t feel like I had been pushing anything on her, but I respected her request and stayed to myself.
I wasn’t trained on the job much. I was left to my own devices. Tracy told me I was a “smart kid” and used it as a reason not to provide much training. I felt as though she set me up for failure.
My family’s annual camping trip came up and I went. It didn’t require me to miss any time off work, which was good for all of us. I came back with the worst flu of my life, though. The following Monday, my head felt like a hot air balloon. I barely made it to the bathroom before I vomited. I had chills so bad I thought my ribs were going to break. She had no choice but to send me home.
She gave me that afternoon and the next day off to rest, which sounded fair. I hated calling off, but it seemed like a small price to pay for not getting my coworkers sick. Tracy called me that Wednesday to let me know that “it wasn’t working out.” For the first time in my life, I had been let go from a job.
I was too sick to be terribly upset, but I was anyway. My energy reserve was quite low. In the midst of this, for whatever reason, I had toiled with the idea of internet dating. I guess if I had to justify it: I’m a person, and I’m capable of feeling lonely. I had taken the time I needed from my previous relationship to evaluate what it was I wanted to find in someone. Though, to further expand on my honesty, I wasn’t necessarily expecting to find it. Even more truthful: I wasn’t sure what I would do if I did find it.
Lesbian dating or same-sex dating – whatever your specific sexual orientation is if you like women and happen to be a woman yourself – is somewhat…challenging. Smaller dating pool. An uptick in the acceptance of polyamory and “open relationships.” There isn’t anything wrong with either of those things, they’re just not for me. And I acknowledged that when I saw the increase in number of women, specifically on dating apps, who were looking for those things.
It was a little discouraging. I tuned out of internet dating; at minimum, I did my best not to get excited when someone expressed interest. But you know, with everything, there are exceptions to those rules. This was one of those times.
A couple of nights before I was let go, I got a like from someone. I didn’t even open the app at first. My confidence on that particular day was quite low. At that time in my life, I sort of felt like a loser. It sounds harsh, but it was a reflection of how things had been going for me. I pondered seeing who reached out, and remember telling myself it was probably a catfish, someone wanting a plug, or someone wanting a third. It seemed unfathomable to me that someone might actually be interested. So, I let it go for the time being, opening and re-opening the notification to see if I could work up the courage to see who it was that liked me.
Fast-forward back to the day I was let go. The same day, I got a call from a recruiter for a different job. I felt like complete crap, but I needed a job. The timing couldn’t have been better. The person I spoke with said I interviewed well, despite not feeling well. It was an odd sort of motivator for me. I hung up the call and felt proud of myself. Maybe things were heading in a good direction, I thought.
I took that confidence and applied it elsewhere. I had to see this mystery like. Even if she wasn’t a real person, I could still try to find someone to talk to. I opened the app. Sweet Caroline, she’s gorgeous. I was nervous but I swiped right. You have a match! I was new to internet dating at the time. Should I message her first? What do I talk about? Would she even respond? How long do I take to send a message? What – “Cute dog!” I typed out. I hit send before I even processed it. Hell’s bells, that just happened. I waited patiently for a response. I acted under the assumption that she wouldn’t respond, and I prepared myself for that. But that didn’t happen. She answered in just a few minutes.
We talked for a while and eventually exchanged numbers. I had been nervous about the fact that I wasn’t out to my family yet. No matter what, it was going to be a tough conversation. But she was understanding. We didn’t dwell on it for too long. The conversation quickly shifted back to lighter topics, mostly just getting to know each other. We bonded over our musical tastes. We liked a lot of the same artists. It reminded me of when my grandpa was alive; he would sit me down on the tool bench in his workshop and turn on Johnny Cash or Elvis. “This is real music,” he’d tell me. And while that particular aspect of our musical taste wasn’t identical, at the very least, I felt she understood when I explained the scenario to her. For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was able to have a conversation with someone I could relate to on some level.
The time came for us to discuss meeting in person for the first time. I found that I wasn’t nervous to ask her, I just wanted to make sure I did it right. I pondered taking the sly route and slipping it into a conversation, but that’s not really my style, nor has it ever been. I then pondered being direct: “I’d like to meet you sometime soon.” I had the message typed out. I typed and re-typed it several times. It didn’t have the zest I was looking for. I wanted to make it obvious that I was interested in her. Ambiguous language is a bit of a tricky obstacle to overcome in text-talk. Just as I found a message I was satisfied with, I got a text from her: “Do you want to meet up soon?” she asked. “LOL. I was just going to ask you the same thing,” I responded. “You, me, same page,” she replied back. I was so excited I could hardly see straight. We agreed to meet up the following Wednesday.
I’m not a fan of dresses, and I had started to phase myself out of them by the time we met. But for some reason, I still chose to wear one. I picked a bad day for it; it was rainy and a little cooler than usual for an August afternoon. I had no choice but to tiptoe through puddles as I crossed the street that led to Starbucks. I paused and peeked inside the window, curious if I could see her. She sat and waited patiently for me. To this day, I don’t know if she saw me peek in the window, but it was the first time I saw her; I’ll probably never forget it.
I ordered a hot chocolate and waited at the counter. I felt someone looking at me from across the room. I pretended not to notice. I’m not sure how convincing I was, though. I got my hot chocolate and made my way over. We smiled at each other. She looked gorgeous. She never told me her first impression of me, but even to this day, I hope it was a good one.
We talked for a couple of hours. I’m someone that normally struggles with conversation. Everything from initiating it to maintaining it. But it was effortless with her, and I found myself genuinely interested in what she had to say. The back-and-forth was solid; there was what seemed to be a mutual interest. We agreed to meet up for a second time, though I knew in the first five minutes I wanted to see her again.
We continued to meet up about once a week. It had started to become the highlight of my week. Seeing her made me happy.
We met up for our fourth date and hung out at her place. She lived a good piece from me in a nicer part of town that I wasn’t too familiar with. I Ubered there. She waited outside of her building with her dog. I am typically pretty good with pets. The only exception to that was Cletus, my grandma’s German Shepherd – God rest his soul. But otherwise, dogs and cats tend to like me. We played Mario Kart and I discovered just how bad I am at that game, at least when a pretty woman is involved. She didn’t tease me too much for driving straight into the wall thinking I was on the top when I was really on the bottom. We got barbecue at what she said was one of her favorite restaurants. She had good taste. As much as I liked the food, I never made it back. I left that day and she wrapped me up in a big hug. I could have melted right there. As she pulled away, she kissed my cheek. I thought about that the entire way home. Later that night, I couldn’t stop smiling. My mom asked me why I was so happy. I explained to her I had been spending time with someone. Coming out was just on the tip of my tongue, but something told me to wait just a little longer.
The next week, as per usual, we met up on another date. This time, we walked around the city’s canal. It was quite literally the perfect day. As we sat down toward the end of our date, she turned to me. For a brief moment, I was concerned she was going to tell me she didn’t want to see me anymore. She had been somewhat more quiet than usual leading up to that moment, though I did my best to pretend not to notice. She took my hand and we smiled at each other. “So…” She slid closer. It didn’t seem like it was going that direction anymore. “Are you…are you my girlfriend?”
I didn’t answer right away. Girlfriend. There was a first time for everything, I figured. This was that time for me. Not, I’m not sure what we are, but let’s keep dating. It was a, You’re my girlfriend and I like you. What if she changes her mind? What if I say something stupid and ruin the whole thing? What if – “I am, but only if you’re mine,” I replied.
The following week, we met back at her place. The weather was cooler out, nice enough for a walk with her dog. We made our way back to her place and decided a Disney movie marathon was in order. I told her I had Aladdin and she seemed excited, so I brought it with me. We sat on the couch for a few minutes, and whatever anxieties I had about being physically close to her soon melted. She grabbed a blanket and wrapped us up in it. I laid my head on her stomach and listened to it talk to me for a while; she ran her hand through my hair. If I tried to create a more perfect scenario out of thin air, I couldn’t have done it. I apologized for not being able to have that moment sooner. Years of therapy told me I’d probably always struggle at least a little bit with physical interaction. But this? I felt safe. I admitted it to her and she responded with a kiss to the top of my head.
I dozed off for a few minutes until my phone interrupted. My mom asked me to join her and my dad for Sunday night dinner. I had lost track of time, which makes me nervous no matter the circumstances. I begrudgingly told her I had leave. “Nooooo,” she said, keeping her arms around me. The last thing I wanted to do was leave. “I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I fumbled with my phone to order another Uber.
As I was lost in the process of ordering an Uber, she waited patiently off to the side, arms behind her back. She took a small step forward. “Can I kiss you?” she asked. I felt my eyes grow to the size of watermelons. My inner monologue didn’t even have time to let me get off track. I nodded quickly and she kissed me. I froze for just a second, praying I wasn’t bad at it. She pulled away and I smiled at her before she kissed me again. There was nothing in the world that could wipe the smile from my face as she walked me to my Uber. She wrapped me up in a hug and gave me a kiss on the cheek before I left. I smiled the whole way home.
The weeks pressed on well into Autumn. The weather was finally starting to turn on a more permanent basis. Discussions of apple orchards came up more than once. She seemed into it. She invited me to meet some of her friends and parents. I was excited. It wasn’t something anyone had asked me to do before. I did my best to play it cool, or as cool as I could under the circumstances.
I found it almost a little too easy to open up to her about things. Reflecting on it, I can see how it might have made her uncomfortable. I hoped it didn’t, but it’s something I’ve thought about a lot, and the thought sometimes eats away at me. She alluded to having to overcome things from her past more than once, though she never expanded on them. I did my best to show her I was someone she could trust. Even if it would take a while, I was willing to wait.
The two-month window quickly approached and I pondered the thought of buying her something. Not something big – but something with meaning. She mentioned that she didn’t like gifts so much, something I wished I’d listened to a bit better. Still, I made note of the things she talked about often and did my best to plan around that. That, I thought, might make a small gift acceptable. I settled on a small keychain of a Lab.
Being someone that suffers from word vomit, I can confirm it’s quite the deadly ailment. It’s especially deadly to relationships. My tendency to think out loud has since diminished significantly. I mentioned letting her wear a cross necklace I’d had for years. She politely told me no, explaining that she didn’t want to take something that valuable to me so soon. It was perfectly reasonable of her to decline, and my offer was more of a suggestion than anything. Somehow, I knew as soon as I said it that it was probably too big of a step. I moved on from the topic, hoping I hadn’t rubbed her the wrong way. She didn’t seem upset by my offering, at least not in a way that showed. She later asked if she could share our picture on her social media. I was ecstatic, but like with other times, I played it cool. “That’d be great,” I said. I didn’t tell her that I had been planning to talk to my family. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable by the decision, even if she was part of the reason for the decision. I had grown to the point that I wanted to start sharing her with others close to me. Until that point, she almost felt like a well-kept secret. Those can be sweet, but not being able to discuss it openly had started to feel like a disservice to my growing feelings.
The following Monday, I bombed an internal interview with my employer. I didn’t have much on my mind outside of having rotten luck with jobs for that year. The position would have included a raise and permanent position, something I desperately wanted at the time. It was the catalyst for what would happen next.
We usually talked to each other once a night before she went into work, just as I got off from work. It was probably the best thirty minutes of my night by that point. But that night, we didn’t chat. I was feeling oddly emotional. I don’t know how to else to describe it other than to say I was feeling vulnerable, and my guard was down. Hell, my guard was asleep at the wheel.
“Can we talk for a minute?” I texted. She responded right away. “Running behind and need to get food before work,” she said. “Is everything okay?” I hesitated for just a moment. It was important that I chose the right words. “I’m really thankful I met you,” I said, among other things. There was no response for a while. It made me nervous, but I took her silence as her running behind, maybe being flustered. I did my best to stay positive. I had taken a leap; I was waiting for the parachute to open. Just before I went to bed that night, I got a response. “I don’t think I’m ready for that yet,” she said. I apologized and told her goodnight.
We hardly talked for the remainder of that week, which was difficult. I asked at one point if I could call to talk to her, hoping maybe I could explain myself. She didn’t want to talk to me. And as I say this, I don’t recall what her exact response was – only that she didn’t want to talk to me. It really hurt, though I wasn’t upset with her. I had done this to myself.
The Friday of that week, I texted her and told her I was nervous she was going to break up with me. She didn’t deny that fact, something I noticed immediately but tried to not panic about. She only said she wanted to meet up with me. Meet up, I noticed. Not date. Another bad sign for me.
We met up the next day. It was cool out. The leaves were starting to fall at this point. It was clearly the change of season. It appeared warm out by looks only; the weather was crisp but refreshing. Just so things came full circle, we decided to meet at Starbucks. I Ubered there; I was too upset to drive myself. I went inside and waited for her. I spent three dollars on a hot chocolate but barely touched it. My stomach was doing jumping jacks. She appeared out of nowhere. I went to hug her and she turned away – not all the way, but just enough to where she didn’t want to give me a hug. I wanted to cry, but I didn’t. “Let’s go sit outside,” she said.
We made our way out. It was nice because we had the space to talk alone. We started off with small talk. The weather is nice, talk about that. Ask her how she’s doing. Tell her you didn’t get the promotion. Tell her – “So…” she started. From the second she opened her mouth, I knew what was coming. It was all I could do to hold back tears. “Did you mean it?” I avoided eye contact. I had a decision to make: Lying would not be easy (I’m not a good liar). It would also mean that I didn’t mean what I said. If there is one thing I value in a relationship, it’s saying what you mean. I had no reason to lie; on the flip side, I didn’t want to make her feel like she had to reciprocate. No matter what, one of us – maybe both, but at least one – was going to leave the situation feeling hurt. “I did,” I finally said.
She shifted in her seat, as though she rehearsed her next few words to me. They came out easily, like she was talking to one of those pushy salesman you see at Costco. You don’t want to be rude to them, but you’re just not going to be interested. But they’re so nice about everything and – “I think we should break up.” I felt a tear roll down my cheek. “There it is,” I mumbled. The reality of the situation was that I had been preparing for it all week, and from the way she handled it, she had been, too. I felt my body slide down in my seat. I wanted to hide from the world. “I’m flattered,” she added, “but it’s just me.” We talked about other things for a few moments. “You’re going to find someone that likes you as much as you like them,” I remember her saying. She mentioned she had cried most of the week about her decision. If I’m being honest, she didn’t seem upset when she talked to me.
Somewhere in the midst of the conversation, there was a flutter of hope. “We should just be friends,” she said. Friendship was something. It was better than nothing. She hadn’t given me a reason to think I couldn’t trust her, and I was hopeful she meant it. I cried to her for a few minutes. She told me she had to go. I asked if she would wait while I ordered an Uber; I didn’t want to sit at a Starbucks on a Saturday afternoon crying to myself. It’s probably not completely unusual in that part of town, but I had little desire to become one with the scenery. To my surprise, she sat and waited with me.
She joked that she was going to have to have a drink to dull the bad feeling she had. It was one of the last things we said to each other. My Uber pulled up. I wasn’t ready to say goodbye, but I did. I slid into the backseat and watched her walk to her car. It was the last time I saw her.
Unlike the person before her, we only talked one other time. It was a brief message, and then it was done. I spent the next several weeks eating lunch alone and spending time by myself whenever the opportunity presented itself. I felt so bad the following Monday that I left work early, something I hadn’t done before. There were several nights when I cried for what seemed like hours. I had only come to the realization afterward that I was in much deeper than I thought; I had fallen for her. But it was too late. She quietly moved on.
This is the hard part. This is the part I’ve typed and re-typed a few times. The parachute didn’t open. I hit the ground hard. I hadn’t expected to meet her. I hadn’t expected for her to be interested. I hadn’t expected for my feelings to grow into what they did – what they are, even right now. I hadn’t expected her to break up with me with a suddenness that feels a bit like a car crash. You turn your head for one second and the road changes; you struggle to control the wheel. The brakes are on, but you find yourself still careening toward something you weren’t prepared for.
Unlike the one before her, I can confidently say that I do love her. Probably more than I’ve loved another person. I’d be more okay with it if she wasn’t in love with someone else. It’s not jealousy, I just want to make that clear. Instead, it’s a guilt. Pining for someone who has someone. It’s unfair to both of them, even if they both are unaware of it. Love only hurts when it can’t be shared; people often confuse love with pain because they both demand the same attention. The difference is the intention.
Jealousy would revert me back to who I might have been before, eyeing their every move and needlessly comparing myself to her new person. But I haven’t done that. I’ve experienced heartache and growth. The heartache from what I’ve already mentioned. The growth from wanting someone to be happy, acknowledging that it will hurt for a while, but still wanting them to be happy.
I’m not one of those people that believes every person you encounter yields some form of significance in your life. In fact, I believe that most people you encounter are just passersby. But this wasn’t that. Through all of the moments I shared with her – and I remember every single one – there were lessons being given to me. I paid attention to them. I finally stepped out of my own head when I was with her. Perhaps that was the purpose.
I miss her more than I could possibly articulate.
submitted by kindamymoose to shortstories [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 19:53 Xaun2817 I (22m) am having conflicting feelings about breaking up with my girlfriend (22F)

I am starting to realize that we aren’t really compatible. I live at college and stay with her during breaks (she lives by herself).
We don’t agree on a lot of stuff and our first 1.5 years together was a lot of fighting before we worked on our anger that was misplaced at each other,but we always seem to get into arguments or fights over things that are kind of trivial (I’ll give examples if need be).
We don’t agree politically most of the time, which doesn’t lead to fights but our ideals do cause tension sometimes because we both have to tip toe about what we say.
And lately, we have had a lot of stuff happen in our personal lives that have started to affect our relationship and I would have to come into town (about a 1.5 hour drive) whenever she decides to drink her feelings.
Recently, she accused me of cheating because I told her with everything going on I would be “emotionally unavailable” for a short time, which I thought she should know up front and I also forgot to message her for about 5-6 hours because I got caught up on working out, going for walks, homework, and clearing my head. Granted, yes I should’ve messaged but it didn’t warrant being called a cheater.
The conflict comes in because she is a very supportive and kind person. She’s incredibly beautiful and I still very much care for her. I know there’s never a “right answer” and I’ve been praying about what I should do and I just can’t seem to figure my emotions out.
I’m taking her on a date tomorrow, because it’s been awhile since we’ve been on one, to see if spending quality time together will help how I’m feeling.
Is there any feedback I can get or questions I should be asking myself moving forward? Thank you
submitted by Xaun2817 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 19:44 hufflepuffqueen20 How's the dating life at UC Davis?

Hi,
I intend on transferring to UC Davis for Fall of 2021 from a community college. Could someone please tell me how the dating environment is like at UC Davis? I'm shy and introverted, but once I transfer I want to become more outgoing and talk to more people. Could anyone offer tips on how to approach people you find attractive without being awkward? :) Any helpful tips appreciated!
submitted by hufflepuffqueen20 to UCDavis [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 12:59 antikarma98 Breakfast at the Diner — #22

Ah, dadgummit. When I come to the diner this early, there should be plenty of empty seats, and there are — every table is empty — but men are sitting on stools all along the counter. There no place for me to squeeze in.
I'd never take a stool right next to someone unless we're dating, and during the pandemic it's illegal to sit within two stools from some stranger, but every third stool is occupied ... so I stand like a statue of a fat guy for half a minute, calculating my move like chess.
Guess there are two options. Option one, the only legal option: I could take a seat at a table. Up front by the window the tables offer a lovely view of the traffic outside, but dang it I don't want to sit in one of those hard wooden chairs, and the coffee refills come less often.
Option two: there's a guy at the corner stool whose plate is almost empty. He'll be leaving soon. I could sit two stools from him, in violation of safety and the law and common decency. If I sit down and glare at him maybe he'll leave a little quicker.
Yeah, it's a first-world problem, but I'm annoyed. Kirstin says good morning to me, and instantly understands my dilemma. She makes a sorry face and says, "Breakfast is just as tasty at a table, honest."
I don't believe her, though. "You know what? I'll be back."
That third option surprised even me, but I retreat to my car, listen to the radio, turn on the dome light and read my magazine, while also watching the diner's door. Fifteen minutes later, when four people have left and only one person has entered, I'm pretty sure I can get a good seat. Stepping into the diner a second time, yup, here's a stool with plenty of socially distanced elbow room.
"Good morning again," says Kirstin. "Thought you'd stood me up like a bad blind date."
♦ ♦ ♦
Most of this morning's conversation is about football, and I enthusiastically don't care. I'm not a football fan. Against my will, though, I absorb the fact that the college team is playing their first game of the season today.
There are three men wearing red shirts in the diner, and that's not a coincidence. Red and white are the college team's colors, but white is boring so it's always red. Back in the pre-pandemic era, on game days you'd see thousands of people wearing the rah-rah uniform — red — and walking toward the stadium. There will be no spectators at Camp Randall today, of course, but people still gotta wear red.
A red shirt is sitting near Saul at the counter, and they're talking, but not about the same thing. The red shirt is talking about football, but Saul is a grumpy old grump like me, and high-risk like me or maybe more so, so he's talking about the virus. "How can it be safe," he asks, "to play a full-contact sport while a pandemic is out of control?"
The man in the red shirt says, "Ah, it's probably not safe, but the players are young and tougher than most. They'll be all right. Anyway, we gotta beat Illinois."
Saul goes quiet, but only for long enough to chew and swallow his next bite of whatever's for breakfast. "If even one athlete on either team has the virus, then every time anyone is tackled, it means a few more of them have the virus. By the end of the game how can everyone on both teams not be infected?"
"I hear you, man," says the red shirt. "Honest, understood, it's a risk, but we can't cancel football. Life goes on, you know."
"For the living, yeah, life goes on," says Saul the high-risk cynic. "For the dead, not so much."
I'm keeping quiet. Ever been to Wisconsin? Football is a religion here, so you have to be careful what you say, and I'm such an atheist when it comes to football.
Also, obviously, I'm sitting in a restaurant, with my mask down under my chin while I'm eating, six feet from some stranger whose mask is in his pocket. Maybe while eating an omelet at the diner, I forfeit the right to complain about pandemic football.
Saul is complaining, though. "And beyond the players, beyond the coaches and officials and staff, you know the fans will be tailgating, and big screens will bring people to crowded bars and restaurants, and people who care about football more than common sense will host viewing parties to watch the game on TV..."
Red Shirt shrugs and swallows a shot of his coffee. "So you won't be watching the game?"
Saul raises his eyebrows, tilts his head one way, then the other, and says, "Well, I didn't say that."
♦ ♦ ♦
Kirstin seems a bit off this morning. She gets my order right, of course, and gets everyone's order right, but there are 25% fewer "Sweetie"s-per-customer than on a normal morning. She forgets to bring the stainless steel container of creamer for my coffee. Phil has to ask for hot sauce, and complains about it, or maybe it's a joke — with him, it's hard to tell.
"I've been coming here since high school, and you know I always need the hot sauce." High school for Phil must've been 25 years ago, and today's the first time she's ever forgotten his damned hot sauce. He'd say Cal Ripkin was lazy when he sat down instead of playing his X-thousandth consecutive game.
Maybe Kirstin isn't feeling well, or more likely she's just sleepy. Hell, it is 6:30 in the morning, and still dark outside. I'm not complaining, and I'm not going to ask her what's wrong. It's none of my damned business. Hope she feels better, though.
A crazy thought occurs to me: Is Kirstin a friend of mine? Close call, but I'd say nope. It's a weird social situation, having the same person bring me the same breakfast week after week, year after year, sometimes listening to her stories and sometimes telling her mine, but it doesn't make her a friend. I like her, and hope she doesn't hate me, but she's the lady at the diner, and I'm the sausage and cheese omelet.
♦ ♦ ♦
Bald-Walker is talking to someone half his age, someone new to me, but they're friends or family. The topic is archery, and maybe I knew that there are organized bow-and-arrow competitions, but they're using jargon I've never heard — cushion plunger? Flemish twist? String-walking?
Bald is following all this quiver talk far better than I, and it's soon apparent that he's the younger man's father. He knows all about archery because Bald-Walker himself used to compete at ... at whatever a bow-and-arrow competition might be called.
It makes me pause and ponder. See, I've seen Baldie in this diner forever, but to me he's always been an old, frail, flimsy man with a walker. Like all of us, he wasn't always what he is now, but it's odd to think of Bald-Walker as young, athletic, and drawing back a bow.
♦ ♦ ♦
I'm about a month late introducing Big Hat. She's been in the diner during my breakfast four times over the past several months, and it's impossible not to notice her, but difficult to write about her. Each time I've tried, I bang out a few paragraphs, and think, nah, she deserves better, and hit 'delete'. This is the fifth time I've seen her, though, and she's the most interesting element in the diner right now, so let's try, try again.
She is black. She is skinny. She looks about my age — mid-60s. And she is happy, but not low-key happy like any of us on a good day; she's high-key, almost exuberant yet somehow not annoying. She says hello to Kirstin like they're old friends, and maybe they are, but she also says "Bonjour" to Bald-Walker, and "Shalom" to Saul and "Good morning" to me and most of the others.
She's wearing a mask, of course, but you know there's a big smile under it. On her head there's a black ten-gallon cowboy hat with a brim that's double-wide, and as she walks past my stool, the overhang from her hat causes a brief indoor eclipse of light from the ceiling. I've named her for that hat, because she's worn it every time I've seen her, but that hat might be the dullest thing in Big Hat's wardrobe.
Trying to describe what she wears, though, is where I've flailed and failed writing about her previously, so just envision a "top-5 list" of the loudest, wildest, most colorful shirts, pants, shoes, and jacket imaginable — florescent fabrics, shiny and reflective sheens, frills dangling everywhere, ribbons clipped to her hat, or last week she had tiny bells like on a dog's collar. Got all that in your head? Well, she's wearing random items off that list every time she comes to the diner. Some of it looks new, some is vintage, the colors aren't coordinated, there's no cohesive theme or attempt, and the effect is fabulous. She looks interesting — the opposite of most people on Earth.
Same as every other time I've seen her, after she breezes through the entrance and says hello to everyone, she walks to the very end of the diner, and settles alone at the last table by the back door. I don't know what she orders, but it must be something quick and easy, because Kirstin brings it to her within just a few minutes. Coffee and toast, I'm guessing, based on how quickly it comes and how soon she's finished.
If someone is sitting near her table, they're usually drawn to Big Hat (because who wouldn't be drawn to Big Hat?) and there'll be dialogue and laughter. This morning she's alone at the back of the diner, and she quietly sits and sips her coffee, eats her breakfast. As always, she leaves ten or fifteen minutes after she arrives, and always with the same flourish of "Adios" and "Goodbye" and "See ya soon" and "Thanks, Kirstin."
While she's in the diner, though, Big Hat owns the place almost as much as Bob.
 
I'm a grumpy old man who lives alone and has few friends — basically a hermit. Once a week I have breakfast at my favorite diner. Most weeks it's my only in-person interaction with other humans, which is not my strong suit.
Yeah, I'm aware of the coronavirus, so I go to the diner at dawn, before it gets busy. I wash my hands before and after, cough into my elbow, spray Lysol on my food, pay at my plate, tell the waitress to keep the change, and hold my breath while leaving until I'm outside. It's a little more dangerous than staying at home, but life would suck without breakfast at the diner, so get off my lawn.
And remember, decent people leave a generous tip.
 
More breakfasts at the diner
submitted by antikarma98 to LazyCheapskate [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 05:42 Throwawaycom4 My (22m) girlfriend (22f) and I have been struggling with communication the past couple of months

So I have been dating my gf for over 4 years now. We dated all throughout college and now have graduated. About a month ago my girlfriend recently got her first full time job, I have still been struggling to find a job. I feel like since she got a job we have struggled with communication, since we can no longer text as much during the day and then she goes to bed fairly early due to her new schedule. It has been hard for us to find time for dates and intimacy. We have tried having a specific night of the week each week but even that is difficult because by the time she gets home from work and has dinner, we don’t have much time before she goes to bed. Things are also tricky because we both live at home so it’s hard to find intimate time without being super obvious in front of our parents. Also things are just difficult in general because it’s hard to find new date ideas given the current public health restrictions. I guess I just want to see if anyone has any tips for how we can spend more time together or communicate better? It sometimes feels like one conversation can take days because we don’t get to talk at all during the day and then we exchange a few texts in the evening where not much progress can be made.
submitted by Throwawaycom4 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 02:28 throwaway_6110 I (16F) will be going to a community college next year and would like some advice on finding and keeping a healthy relationship with potential partners. I have no experience with dating, so the much more mature setting and fact that I'd be an easy to manipulate target scares me. Any tips?

The title says it all. I am aware and partially ashamed that I am behind in comparison to many of my peers in terms of dating. Next year I will be going to a community college and would like to start dating the guys there as college is about my maturity level. (If not more.) I'm not stupid enough to say that just because I am a mature person I would be able to handle college dating, especially with my lack of experience in high school. My feeling have been played with in middle school for 3 years straight and I wasn't even dating the dude. (He made it obvious that he liked me -kissed me, but not on the lips or my face in general-. and other stuff, but would then hang around other girls in an attempt to make me jealous once he noticed he had my attention. He was called the "man whore" so I never knew if he was genuine even if I overheard his sister saying he didn't like but really love me.) I do not wish to go through that ordeal again though, but my situation makes it likely.
I'm also more likely to fall for mistakes most high school couples do until they've been dating for a while and I don't want to make my inexperience obvious. Where would I find nice boys to date? What relationship tips can you give me for making sure my relationship is healthy. Most importantly, what sly or manipulative tactics should I look out for due to my age and inexperience? Red flags would also be appreciated.
submitted by throwaway_6110 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 01:59 500scnds [Table] I'm Jeff Galak, Professor of Marketing & Social and Decision Science at Carnegie Mellon University. I have published dozens of academic papers on decision making, consumer behavior, and more. I have also recently launched a new YouTube channel called Data Demystified. AMA! (pt 1/3)

Source Signoff
Note: This table may potentially contain information that can be construed as self-doxxing. Please don't actually try to take advantage of this.
Questions Answers
Hey Jeff! I'm a minimalist & find that I'm happier with less stuff & when I give/receive experiences rather than items. Do you find consumer happiness reflects this shift towards minimalism since that is a (small, but seemingly growing) trend, especially among Millennials? Great question! There is some relatively new research looking at happiness from experiences vs. material possessions. Most of it shows that happiness from equally valued (e.g. price) experiences is higher than for possessions. HOWEVER, and this is a big however, all that work tends to ignore long run happiness with highly prized possessions. For instance, if you have a sentimentally valued object, happiness that stems from that object lasts for a long time. What most possessions don't do is provide long lasting happiness. You buy a new shiny toy and it DOES make you happy...but that happiness goes away quickly. My collaborators and I have termed this idea "Hedonic Decline."
So as for minimalism, there is not evidence that I know of that shows that less possessions make you happier. There's plenty showing that more possessions don't make you happier, but that's not the same thing.
One more layer of complexity: there are two routes to happiness: hedonic and eudaimonic. The former is what we usually think of when we think of happiness: how much joy does XYZ bring me. The latter, however, is closer to self-actualization. It's the happiness the comes from a accomplishing something....even if there was pain involved in getting there. I wonder if minimalism can increase eudaimonic happiness.
the below is a reply to the above
That's interesting. Thank you for responding. In the minimalism community, self-actualization is reflected in endeavors such as achieving certain goals (like, paying off debt) that usually involves some amount of self-discipline &/or self-sacrifice. I'd say that the vast majority of research in happiness excludes eudaimonic happiness, largely because it's so hard to measure. My personal, non-data supported, take is that eudaimonic happiness is far more important than hedonic happiness. The latter is fleeting, whereas the former can be life changing.
the below is a reply to the above
Beautifully said. Thank you.
the below is another reply to the second answer
How does depression affect eudaimonic happiness compared to hedonic happiness? Great question and I don't know the answer. Social Psychology typical studies what we very poorly term "normal" psychology, which excludes clinical conditions like depression. Sorry!
the below is another reply to the second answer
What’s your take on “pay to play” - as in, some “hedonic” purchases at are required to signal you’re in the game, making progress on eudaimonic happiness. When you get older and into your career, I’d venture many people have already figured out that hedonic happiness doesn’t do squat long-term, but there’s a balance in terms of how much hedonic happiness to have to acquire for the ultimate long-term eudaimonic happiness. Example: in sales, which I’m in tech analytics sales, companies want to spend for solutions to business problems, but they also want to see, visually, that the person they’re paying is a good representative for them. High cost equals a person that can represent that taste. Nice. Tailored suits, a nice watch and latest tech gadgets. There’s a pay to play aspect that signals to the world who I am, and that in turn actually allows me to get what I want- student loans paid off and early retirement.. I don't think there's any conflict here. If you will find some form of life satisfaction by succeeding in your career, there's no harm in also purchasing items that help you reach that goal. Those items can, in and of themselves, make you happy...nothing wrong with that. More to the point, hedonic and eudaimonic happiness don't have to be in opposition. You can have both!
the below is another reply to the original answer
I really like this response. While i can jive with basic premise of experiences over possessions...i’m find it used a lot by people who actually just want to shirk obligation. I run HHiring and there is a persistent trend of people not wanting to act like their job is important..just because it’s easier to justify bailing on work/shifts to go do things when you can say you’re doing it for the experience, not focusing on the money you make at a job. I’m trying to figure out the best way to respond to people who think i’m some big bad money grubbing boss for wanting people to do their jobs. Meanwhile, in my personal life...i feel like i’m getting a lot of push back socially from people who think i should only work where i can just make my own schedule and dip put for an “experience” whenever. At the end of the say, it feels like people will just wax philosophic reasons for demanding leisure with all the material perks of having jobs and working. Great point. This relates to intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation. The former is the desire to do something because it's inherently interesting/rewarding. The latter is doing something for compensation. This is more in the realm of organizational behavior, and you'll have to wait for my wife who is also a professor, but of organizational behavior and theory, to do an AMA for more on that :)
Hello, thanks for doing this. Are you familiar with "loot boxes" in video games? I feel like the topics of a lot of your papers would fit right into why consumers/businesses use loot boxes. How does a loot box mechanic differ from gambling and should it be treated the same? (Regulation, age restriction, etc) If they are the same, how do you feel about video games including a loot box mechanic? Sticking with gambling parallels, what are your thoughts on video game companies targeting "whales" given that gamers can be any age nowadays? I'm not a gamer myself (though I do love TTPRGs and run a D&D 5e campaign), but I'm pretty familiar with loot boxes. Mobile games and social media platforms in general have become very good at continuous reinforcement. It can be the allure of getting a new outfit in a loot box or just an upvote on Reddit...the point is that we are wired to love small rewards, even if those rewards are meaningless. Casinos have mastered this art and loot boxes are an capitalizing of the same basic psychological mechanisms: need for positive reinforcements. So are loot boxes the same as gambling? Probably not the SAME, but damn close. As for regulation, I am strongly in favor of making gambling of all forms only accessible to adults and even then providing access to counseling for those who suffer from gambling addiction.
I have a lot less sympathy towards wealthy adults who choose to gamble as a form of entertainment. The problem is that it's not always obvious who's a whale and who's just pretending to be one for the attention. The latter is highly susceptible to financial ruin and I'd want them protected just the same as they are with standard gambling.
the below is a reply to the above
Do you find the researcher in you observing and asking questions about the players' decision making processes in your D&D campaign? My old DM minored in psychology, and I often felt like a rat in his experiments. I enjoyed it, though. It kind of added an extra facet to the game. More than my research, teaching has made a huge difference in being a DM. When I lecture, I am forced to be quick on my feet to understand student questions, reply accordingly, and make sure that I'm moving the lecture along. That is the same with DMing. I need to be able to understand the motives of my players, respond appropriately with NPCs, and keep the story going.
I'm sure that my knowledge of psychology helps, but I wouldn't think it influences the way I DM (or play) that much.
the below is a reply to the above
Studying business Psychology in Switzerland and leading the yawning portal atm, seems like I need to start teaching :p Ha! Check out this thread: https://www.reddit.com/WaterdeepDragonHeist/comments/fcc89a/the_yawning_portal_a_drinking_song_and_boss_music/
I used that for my game and it was great.
the below is another reply to the original answer
Could I join your 5e campaign? Ha! Sorry, no. It's just close friends and we're months into it. I'm running Waterdeep, if you're curious.
the below is a reply to the above
I'm applying to Carnegie's MBA for what it's worth! If I'm accepted, may I join then? ;-) How about you get in and then we discuss!
Hi Jeff! What is your favorite heuristic or logical fallacy when it comes to decision making? Can you teach us about one that people might not know about? Easy: Diversification Bias. That's where I started my career 15 years ago. I didn't discover this bias, but have built on it. Anyway, it's the idea that people choose more variety than they should. For example, if you are going to pick some snacks for the next few days, you might pick: chips, pretzels and an apple. Those are fine, but really chips are your favorite and you picked the other two because you thought you'd get tired of chips every day. Well, turns out you'd be wrong. A day is enough to reset satiation/hedonic-decline in most cases, so you'd be better off always picking your favorite option! Doing otherwise means eating snacks that are less preferred.
A new one that my doctoral student, Julian Givi, and I recently published: The Future Is Now (FIN) Heuristic. It's the idea that people believe that future events will be like present events, even when evidence points to the contrary. An example: if it's sunny today, you're more likely to think it'll be sunny tomorrow, even if the forecast clearly predict rain. What happens is you treat information about the present as having evidentiary value for future events, even when that's just not true.
the below is a reply to the above
I really like that you give your student credit. PhD students do all the hard work. Professors just bask in the glory :)
the below is another reply to the original answer
I think diversification bias is how I ended up with 5 shades of blue nail polish that are virtually undistinguishable from each other! Interesting to consider. Ha! Just might be...
Tell me about your paper "Sentimental value and gift giving: Givers’ fears of getting it wrong prevents them from getting it right". From what I read of the abstract, it seems that gift-givers undervalue sentimental value, seeing it as riskier. Why is that, and how can we give better gifts? Sure, this is a paper with my former doctoral student, Julian Givi. Basically, people are risk averse in gift giving when they shouldn't be. If I know you like coffee and I have a choice to give you some nice coffee beans or a framed photo of the two of us (presumably since we're friends), I give the former b/c it's a sure bet. But as the recipient, overwhelmingly, people prefer the latter. So givers should take the risk and give the sentimentally valuable gift over one that is more a sure bet.
the below is a reply to the above
Interesting. When giving presents, givers focus too much on the recipient's known wants, which gets in the way of giving a meaningful present. Thank you! I'll be sure to keep that in-mind next Christmas. That's exactly it.
the below is another reply to the original answer
I sometimes hesitate at this. I don’t want to come off as the selfie culture of all about me in pictures! But relatives do love getting pics of the kids for gifts. Still, how often is this perceived as a form of narcissism by the gift receiver? Edit: pictures of my kids not just me! One trick we do: every Christmas holiday we print full size calendars with our kids pictures on them. That's our holiday gift to all the grandparents. They LOVE it.
We also send small photo books to the grandparents throughout the year of some of the best pictures we take.
We have yet to send too many, but that's specific to our family.
The best advice I always have for something like this is: just ask! People are often worried about asking gift recipients about their preferences, but our research shows that a) recipients don't care about being asked and b) you can give better gifts that way.
Hi Jeff ! I have a question regarding involvement in a purchase, is there an increasing trend to become highly involved in the purchase of even low value object ? I find myself doing this during the pandemic doing comparison searches for a bulb which costs 10 dollars. Is this an exception ? Or is there some underlying psychological reason isolated to me ? Absolutely. Two reasons this could be happening. 1) With more free time, the threshold for what merits deep research drops a lot. 2) Many people are facing financial hardships, and so making sure every dollar is well spent becomes really important.
Hi Jeff, Thank you for the great AMA. Where do you see the future of insights departments in consumer companies? Most companies looks like giving up on ethnographic and in person research and focus on data analytics. I speculate management is under great pressure and in the meantime aspire to Google, Amazon etc. What is your take of insights departments future in large companies? Thank you! Exploratory research like ethnographies, interviews, and focus groups is really useful for brainstorming. But they are a poor substitute for quantitative data. Now, that doesn't mean "big data"...just data that has larger samples and is better representative of populations. Surveys are still amazing. When we want to forecast an election, we don't use big data, we conduct a political poll. They work.
But yes, right now, AI and machine learning are the hot new ideas on the block and everyone wants in on them. There is plenty of amazing applications of AI/ML, but what they can't do is tell you "why". As in, why did someone choose this option over that one? Or why are people motivated by this goal or that goal? Those types of answers allow you to apply knowledge in completely novel contexts. AI/ML needs to be trained on a specific type of data for a specific type of task. It is AMAZING at that. But as soon as you introduce a new context or new set of experiences, it fails. That's where good old fashioned surveys and behavioral experiments come in.
If a program was built to help us make better decisions, do you think we would use it? Do you think we can listen to a program’s advice better than we do from experts? We already do. Weather forecasts tell us how to dress. Facebook tells us what to think. Tinder tells us who to date. Etc... etc...
A program that EXPLICITLY tells you what to do won't work too well. People like to feel like they have free will. They don't, though. We are greatly influenced by our environment (not just technology) whether we know it or not. As one example: I can guess your weight reasonably well just by knowing your zip code (please don't make me actually do this as I'm not in the business of public shaming!). If we had true free will and agency, that should be impossible. Instead, we are the products of our environment.
the below is a reply to the above
60641 Chicago? I believe Illinois has 30-35% obesity (I'm doing this quickly and not looking at your zip specifically), so pretty high weight.
Hi Jeff! Since I'm a 14 yrs old and knew nothing about what you study, I have very limited questions I can ask. But as I have observed, people are often sheepish and will consume as the trend goes. What is the most unexpected trend, worldwide? P.S. will defo check out your channel I don't expect most people to know my work (I like to think my ego isn't THAT big!), so no worries!
You're right. Trends will drive a lot of human behavior. We are social creatures and follow what others do much more than we care to admit. As for the most unexpected trend, that's really hard to say. Maybe this is too broad, but I'm surprised by how short people's attention span is when it comes to current events. News cycles used to last for weeks, now they last for hours. I suppose I know that people don't have long attention spans, but I'm still surprised.
the below is a reply to the above
Any underlying reasoning for this? For the short attention spans? We can invoke evolutionary psychology, which I'm not a big fan of, and it would suggest something like a tensions between exploring and cultivating. So it would argue that our ancestors needed to have some reason to leave their immediate tribe to find new resources. So perhaps our attention spans are short b/c of this and the current environment exaggerates that behavior.
Have you done(or can you point to) any research relating to the decision making/not making around getting rid of possessions? I have a relative who keeps anything that has a perceived value as in could be sold on ebay/garage sale which they never sell. They are otherwise rational, clean, don't over consume..def not hoarder territory.. but I struggle to convince them that the old digital camera that's been sitting for 3 years could just be disposed of. Hoarding is definitely a thing. There isn't much in the study of item disposition in the empirical world of research (lots of interesting qualitative work that I'm less familiar with). The big exception to this is the Endowment Effect. The short version is that you value items you own more than if you don't own it. So a mug sitting on a store shelf is worth, say $10 to you, but as soon as you own it is worth, say, $20 to you. Nothing changed except your ownership of it. That explains some of hoarding behavior, but not all of it.
For a qualitative research paper on the topic, see here: https://www.ingentaconnect.com/content/mcb/216/2010/00000013/00000001/art00001
the below is a reply to the above
I suppose I have the Endowment Effect. Everytime I find something valuable i dont have the will to let it go. Even though i can sell it and re buy it later, or buy something similar haha. It's like I want to take the most of it and use it til it brakes, go missing, or whatever. The endowment effect isn't infinite. As in, it's not that you won't be willing to sell your items for ANY price, it's just that your willingness to sell is higher than your willingness to buy.
the below has been split into two
Hey Professor, appreciate the AMA. A couple of questions: 1) Just from my own thoughts banging around in my head and observations I've made during the pandemic, do you see the pause our society went through and the economic downturn effecting the psychology behind materialism? It seems the American "push for more no matter what" mind state took a eating and I think I'm seeing some consequences of that. 1) It's possible, but my pretty strong prediction is that within 1-2 years of the pandemic ending, we will be back to where we were beforehand in terms of materialism and general behavior. Extreme events like a pandemic seem like they are life changers. For some, that's true (e.g. someone loses a loved one), but for most it's not. We are inherently myopic and think that the thing in front of our noses is the only thing that exists.
2) I'm a current medical student and we get inundated with so many studies that it's overwhelming. Trying to practice evidence based medicine is really hard in an atmosphere that prioritizes publishing with little regard to quality. Do you ha e ways of navigating that I could apply to my day to day? Thanks again. 2) I can't speak to medical research, but that problem exists in all academic fields. The best thing to do is to let science happen. There will always be flashy new findings, but the ones that really matter will get replicated over and over again...and will get built on. The BS ones tend to just die out. That's not a full proof approach to vetting research, but it's better than just assuming everything you see published is true and/or important.
I am a former CMU student. How do you feel about CMU's decision to appoint Richard Grenell as a senior fellow? And how can we do something to fight against it because it seems they are not listening the current student body? Recently, the fence was vandalized against BLM (they wrote "all lives matter" over the previously written "black lives matter"). How are you working to build a more inclusive community at CMU and to fight for those who need it? How can former students help? I signed the petition to revoke his appointment and stand by that completely. I do understand why the university is upholding it, but I am embarrassed to have him associated with CMU.
As for the fence, the CMU Provost sent a really great letter immediately after it all happened condemning the vandalism and supporting BLM. Personally, I try VERY hard to do things like call on students of all races and genders and not let white men (of which I am one, btw) dominate conversations. I try to make sure that examples I use to highlight ideas include more than just typically white and/or male oriented products. I have been trained in Green Dot deescalation for sexual assault and violence. I am on the university academic disciplinary committee and have direct say over infractions like harassment or discrimination. And I sit on my college's Faculty Diversity Equity and Inclusion committee with the hope of including representation and inclusion of URM and female faculty. I care about this topic a LOT and do what I can...still probably not enough.
As for alums, if you see behavior at CMU that you think is antithetical to inclusiveness, let the administration know. Get your fellow alums to weigh in. The university wants your sweet sweet alumni donations. If you are all pissed off, they'll reply.
Hey Professor! I absolutely love to give. But I feel so awkward being thanked. And I dont really like receiving gifts. What would the psychology behind that be? Great question. It's hard to know without more detail, but I'd guess that some of that anxiety is about attention...as in, your lack of desire for it. As for not liking receiving gifts, maybe you have just not received that many good gifts? Again, it's really hard to say without knowing a bit more about you and the gift giving contexts you're involved in. If you want to share more, I can try to answer better, but totally understandable if you don't!
the below is a reply to the above
Well, if I think more deeply....whenever I need something, I feel like it's up to me to make me happy. I usually don't really ask anyone else. Whether I need a massage, have a getaway, or get my dream dog, I just do it myself. As an aside, self-gifts are great! You get what you need, and nothing else. No issues there.
To your question, though, I do wonder if you just haven't receive that many great gifts. Yes, gifts can fall flat and the recipient might not love them, but when they hit, they not only provide the value from the gift itself (e.g. a great bottle of wine) but ALSO the sentimental value from the associations that the gift brings up (e.g. who gave it to you and under what circumstances...like for a birthday or graduation).
Hi Jeff, I have a job application at a place where they do conjoint analysis, something I have never done before. Got any tips? Do you have any thoughts on the technique in general? Personally as someone who takes surveys I find it very abstract (e.g. "Would you rather buy a $5 toaster with two slots vs. a $20 toaster that takes bagels?" I don't know!). First, good luck with the job application! Conjoint is a really useful tool when used correctly (like any tool, I suppose). The short version is that it lets you extract utility weights for different dimensions (e.g. price, product size, product speed, etc...) without directly asking people to answer questions about those dimensions. So instead of saying "how important is price to you?" you would come up with product profiles that have varying price (among other things) and then have people choose between those profiles. You can then extract, using nothing more than regression analysis (though, practically, no one does it that way...they use software like Sawtooth or SPSS Conjoint), how important those dimensions are for any given person.
the technique is tedious in that respondents have to make LOTS of pair-wise comparisons, but the end product can teach you a lot about what people actually value.
One key is to make the task as simple and realistic as possible. So the example you gave is confusing and wouldn't work too well. But I asked you to choose between a $20 toaster with 2 slots vs. a $30 toaster with 3 slots" that would work (in reality it would be more complex than that). You'd be forced to tell me if you prefer a cheaper toaster with fewer slots or a more expensive one with more slots. There's not right answer, but I would learn about those two dimensions for you. I'd need a lot more pair-wise tradeoffs to do this right, but that's the general idea.
Do you find that there are significant differences between particular groups? Does age influence gift giving habits more then sex, or some other factor? Just curious about the general trends of gift giving between groups. Super general question I know, so feel free to just call me out on it Definitely difference across genders as you would expect. More jewelry given by men to women. More gadgets given by women to men. Not so much in terms of age, though I've never really directly looked at that. The reality is that most gifts aren't that exciting. They tend to be things that are popular in a given year or old standbys like gift cards and ties. There certainly are amazing gifts and gift givers out there, but the vast majority of actual gifts given are pretty mundane. But that's not a bad thing if the recipient still likes what they get!
the below is a reply to the above
Yeah, sounds about right. And yeah if everyone is chipper it's all good :) Is there a sort of gift quality vs quantity data? Like is it better to get more frequent smaller gifts or largemore expensive gifts less frequently? Smaller more frequent gifts every time. I have some new work on obligatory vs. non-obligatory gifts. Basically, you can make someone very happy by giving a small gift on a random Tuesday compared to a much nicer gift on their Birthday. More random-tuesday gifts every time!
the below is a reply to the above
Thank you! :) will the results of that be on ur channel? Probably not. The channel isn't about my research, but rather about how to understand data more broadly. But the results will hopefully be published soon!
How extensive are the consumer psychology divisions in companies like apple? Lots of variation. Places like apple, google, amazon will have a lot of depth in terms of psychologist and consumer behavior researchers. But those are the gold standard. Most will rely on consultants to help out
How does education on finance and economics affect consumer behavior? Does knowing the way our brains make consumer decisions or how businesses try to get you to buy change how you shop? If you understand better how firms are trying to entice you to buy their products, you can absolutely counteract that better. For instance, $1.99 is really just $2...we all get that. But it turns out, having a 9-ending price really drives demand. That's nuts, but it does. IF you understand that, you stand a shot and not being duped by something so trivial. So educating yourself can be a big help. On finance and econ eduction, also really helpful, but in other ways. When you go to get a 30-year mortgage for your home, understanding how interest rates work, how inflation might affect home prices, how amortization tables work, etc... will help you make a much more informed decision about what is right for you.
hi! how do you predict consumer happiness/decision making etc during unprecedented times like this, when such a scenario may not have taken place before and you do not have much data to go on? also since the research you do and the data you collect are relevant to sales, do you see advertisements being affected by the pandemic in the long run from any changes in consumer mindset? It's really hard to predict much of anything right now. There are some basic behaviors and experiences that we can expect during a pandemic (e.g. increased anxiety, defaulting to familiar experiences, increased online shopping), but the reality is you're right...we just don't know. There's virtually no data on pandemic psychology/behavior, and all the pop-science stuff you read is just guessing at what will happen.
As for advertising, I think that once the pandemic is over, life will be back to what it was beforehand in almost every respect. People are amazing to adapting to changing circumstances. We are all doing that now with the pandemic and will all do that again when it's over. I don't think that advertising will be any different. Give it a year after we're all vaccinated (or whatever winds up being the solution) and most people will largely forget that we even had a pandemic. Yes, some will have big changes like lost loved ones or lost jobs, but for most people, life will return to what it was before Covid hit.
the below is a reply to the above
thank you for answering, that is very interesting! the data you collect seems to be applicable to so many different fields. i asked about advertising as a student interested in media, but i can see it being useful in various types of companies be it internet security, food, travel etc. your job sounds really cool and i will definitely check out your YouTube channel :) Thanks!
Did you ever get to meet Herbert Simon? Wasn't he interested in similar things? I wish! I've been at CMU for 11 years. Simon passed away in 2001, so I missed him by a few years.
And yes, Simon was one of the original researchers into what's known as Bounded Rationality, it's the idea that humans don't act like computers and process all information simultaneously, but rather use heuristics and shortcuts to accomplish most tasks.
How influential was the work of Daniel Kahnemann to your current teaching? VERY! I don't know Danny personally, but my advisor got his PhD at Princeton when Danny was there, so lots of indirect influence that way. More generally, the field of decision making was build on his (and others) work, so hard not to be influenced.
Do you have any opinions on investors behavior during covid 19? More specifically how certain financial firms may have targeted people who have or would dabble in market that have recently lost work due to the pandemic? Caveat: I am not a finance professor. That said, my read is that fear of missing out (FOMO) is driving a lot of unexpected behaviors. The market has rallied like crazy since the March low and everyone wants in on that. It's hard to sit by and watch others make a killing while you don't.
As for practices like getting people who don't typically to invest to do so, there's two sides to this. On the one hand, getting more people involved with investing is a great thing. It used to be only that the very wealthy could invest and reap the benefits of the market, but now with places like Robinhood and fee-free trading on Schwab and the like, everyone can participate. On the other hand, MANY people don't understand risk well at all. They just see the possible upside and ignore the possibility of losing a lot (see that guy that committed suicide b/c of a terrible options trade...that's horrible). So firms and gov't have a responsibility to both educate investors and provide safeguards against uninformed behaviors.
the below is a reply to the above
Hello, I just want to specify something in your comment! The young college student who committed suicide did so because a misprogrammed number on the trading site, Robinhood. Of course at the time he did not know it, but the value loss that was near $800,000, was showing the loss of the entire option, not his equity in the option, which was -$1,000 - -$2,000 if I remember right. It was Robinhood's terrible interface, not his misunderstanding of risk, which is horrible. If you would like a misunderstanding of risk on trading platforms, look no further than wallstreetbets, of course as you said FOMO is a huge factor, or if you're interested, some trading platforms intentionally advertise to consumers without properly representing risk. Thank you very much for this AMA, it has been quite insightful! Thanks so much for that clarification!
I have a question re: dating sites / apps. Is there a way to structure incentives so that the company is motivated to find good pairings between users? It feels like Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, etc. don't have such an incentive currently I think they do have an incentive to make good pairings. Word of mouth is their strongest asset so having good matches is key. The challenge is that good matches are hard to come by and not everyone agrees on what good is. Is good marriage? Is it a fun night? Not clear.
Hello Professor and thank you for taking this time. As a professional that works in marketing and a person who suffers from mental illnesses, it is often disheartening for me to see so much valuable research and findings be easily made available for use by companies for marketing and consumer exploitation while it is so difficult for those who are struggling to find information that could be beneficial to living their lives more freely. What are your thoughts on this, and do you think there are ways we could change the system to better benefit individuals needs directly? The connection between marketing academia, marketing industry, and consumers just sucks. No one outside of academia reads marketing academic journals. Few in academia care if their work has applications (even in an applied field like marketing). And consumers can't be bothered (rightfully) to read through academic work to learn.
Some solutions that I've seen that work: - Marketing Science Institute: this is an organization whose entire goal is link academia and practice. They have conferences where they invite folks from both sides to collaborate. More of this please! - Pop-science social science books like Freakonomics, Blink, Predictably Irrational, etc...: They all have plenty of shortcomings, but the authors all do an amazing job of conveying the ideas of academia to the public. I think that's fantastic. More of this too please! - Consulting for non-profits. I do this and many others do as well. We use our knowledge to help non-profits do their amazing work. This is a way to avoid that "exploitation" you mentioned and instead use what we know to help others. There's not much money in this kind of consulting, which is why few do it, but it's really important. Maybe some kind of granting agency could earmark money for non-profits to hire academic consultants to help them use what we know to help the world. That would be awesome
hey, I'm a recent advertisement graduate, it's good to see someone from such a familiar field here anyways, when I do groceries, I always follow the list to a T, and I take no time at all getting the items, basically, I go against every little trick supermarkets have to "seduce" the customer, so my question is: what makes someone a "good customer"? is it someone highly susceptible to the marketing tricks at the market or someone who spends both their money and time more efficiently? Good can mean different things here. You sound like you're probably super loyal to products. That's pretty great for most companies. The fact that you don't succumb to unintended purchases definitely makes you less attractive in one capacity, but your predictability makes you very attractive in other ways. If I could run a company where every customer always bought the same thing every week, I would LOVE that. I would know how to schedule raw material purchases, delivery schedules, etc... I would have a steady and dependable income. If, however, I relied just on getting lucky and catching the eye of customers as they passed my products on store shelves, that would be a whole lot more difficult a business plan to execute.
Hi Jeff, I have always geared my life towards maxing out the benefits and deducting the losses for example leaving my family in order to search for better life oportunities, ditching jobs where I felt safe in favor of new and more promising ones. And by this logic I have reached quIte far in my life. But at the end achieving all this goals don't yields the expected satisfaction. However I'm pretty sure that don't doing this would be even worse. Why does it seems that no matter if the desitions taken are the best at my point of view it still seems like I need more than the goals I have achieved. Why is disatisfaction the expected result? Wow, that's a lot to give up for goals! People are inherently likely to make what are known as upward comparisons. We don't look at the people who we have done better than, but instead focus on the few who done better than us. The classic example is Silver Olympic medalists. They should be elated, but instead they just covet the Gold medalist.
Beyond that, in your specific case, it's hard to say for sure, but we know that close relationships are the number one driver of life satisfaction. If you've given those all up in pursuit of some other goal, that might explain things a bit. Take that with a grain of salt as all I know about you is summed up in 100 words or so!
Hello Jeff, glad to see this AMA here! I'm a statistics student in Brazil (one of my professors got his doctorate degree at Carnegie Mellon University, in fact!). Much of what we learn nowadays is related to careers pertaining the finance fields. Other stuff includes academic research mixed with other fields. I see myself as a data analyst for a big bank someday, but I always think: is there any career for a data scientist thats underrated by modern standards but still awesome and rewarding, in your opinion? Go work for a non-profit! It's now where the money is, but many need help from data scientists. You can actually change the world that way!
Which US dollar bill is your favorite? Cash? You still use cash?
the below is a reply to the above
For coke yeah Oh, in that case.... Nope, not replying and losing my tenure :)
the below is a reply to the above
Prof, you have a bias. OP mean Coca Cola. I don't drink soda either :)
submitted by 500scnds to tabled [link] [comments]


2020.10.24 01:06 idkyouuu I need help

Ok so I’ve had like a weird relationship with this girl. Background: senior year we were on the track team and we got pretty cool (I graduated about a year ago), we would snap, FaceTime and text all the time. After track season we stayed talking and she even hinted at inviting me over to chill after her vacation trip, I fumbled the bag and didn’t hangout, some month after that we got distant and stopped talking. A few months after graduation we started communicating via snap chat but would soon get distant again(she would also start talking to me first I never really tried) this process would happen about around 2 more times, within these snaps they were flirty, I never really flirted back with her I’ve alway found that to be a little creepy, she would snap me some Revealing pictures here and there, never nudes but would definitely show cleavage. After the last time we talked we got pretty distant for around 4-6 months.
Now- So after our so called breakup, we never dated btw, I went on a weight loss journey, I went from 225 to 160, I would say im looking pretty good, after posting my before and after pictures on my private story she snapped me and asked when I would come up and see her at college, after saying im down to visit whenever (idk if that’s a bad move or not) we have stayed in touch since and I’m still getting those flirty snaps, as of recently, and with becoming more mature I’ve been wanting to actually get closer with her and I really don’t know how to achieve the bag if you catch my drift.
Should I complainant her whenever she sends something cute???? What’s like a non creepy way of complimenting her??
FYI she’s complemented me many of times but I’ve never really did the same due to not wanting to feel creepy
Any tips and advice would be helpful
submitted by idkyouuu to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.10.23 22:36 MessageMeNerdyJokes [OFFER] I will get you more matches (and eventually dates) from your online dating profiles

I am a woman who's been on some form of online dating on and off for years. If there's an app, I've probably tried it. I've tried on both coasts of the US in Boston, New York, Providence, and the Bay Area. I have swiped/messaged/responded to thousands of men on the apps in search of the real deal. I recently found my partner, so I'm done writing/tweaking/swiping for myself but want to help more people find their matches!
I'm the go to person for my friends to look at their profiles/pictures to be brutally honest and make sure that they're presenting their most attractive selves and getting off the apps into actual dates with people. My edits for profiles have gotten over a 9000% increase in results both in terms of messages and having friends meet their long term partners. If you're not sure why you're not getting matches or you want help crafting a profile that's going to have you going on more dates, I'm your gal!

For $5, your profile can go from:"Easy to talk to, down to Earth, physically active, art admirer, music lover, nerd, movie geek, guacamole, 420 - always searching for new experiences, and trying to make the best of each moment. An even mix of sweet and sarcastic. No toxicity; only positivity.Modesty is a virtue; empathy is strength - and hope is a piece of string when you're drowning"
to:
In my free time, you'll find me on the tennis courts. I am currently elbow deep in The Tipping Point and love nerding out about literature. I'll make you the best guac you've ever tried, my recipe is passed down from my college roommate's grandmother who grew her own avocados. Reach out to me with your movie recommendations and we can grab some nachos and watch together!
Everyone hears that you're supposed to 'show, not tell', this is how you do it for your profile and make yourself stand out in the eyes of the women who are seeing so many 'fun loving, nerdy, down to earth' men.
In your message, send me...
- The contents of one profile
- All your profile pictures/picture options
- At least 3 matches where the person didn't respond or they ghosted you, but you really liked them/what did you say? What did they say?
- Your ideal partner... describe them as specifically as possible.
- Your top 3 hobbies. 3 things from your bucket list. When you die, what do you want to be remembered for? What is one charity/cause that you're really passionate about? What do you do on the weekends? What are your career aspirations?
We'll find a time to hop on a call for 30 min and work together to craft a profile that will get you more matches and dates.
submitted by MessageMeNerdyJokes to slavelabour [link] [comments]