Extrem dating

Your Top 3 Favorite YouTube Fragrance Reviewers?

2020.12.02 08:07 Tyrone-E Your Top 3 Favorite YouTube Fragrance Reviewers?

Active

Smells Good ▪ Extremely eloquent and descritptive reviewer. Just a great speaker in general. His reviews are concise and his content is current, up to date. https://youtu.be/Z0tk5LaZjVo
RyzFragz34 ▪ He seems like a normal, humble guy with a lot of money and a fragrance addiction lol. https://youtu.be/OtW0ESrus0k
Gents Scents ▪ I enjoyed his channel more in the past, but of all the super active 50-100k subbed channels he's the only one I'm not completely turned off by. https://youtu.be/Ey7VPkEgPAA

Honorable Mentions

CoachRob619 ▪ The first reviewer with "swag" lol. He came off as a normal guy who liked fragrances just for the smell and to attract women. He wasn't looking to nerd out and be intellectually stimulated by fragrances or some BS. Inactive at the moment. https://youtu.be/JOsBIa57cLY
Dracdoc ▪ Has been on a pretty long hiatus from YouTube (almost 2 years). One of the OG's of the community. I really appreciated his no nonsense review style. https://youtu.be/-FMr2Xtc3xc
Handsome Smells ▪ Great reviewer and a great guy, but he's gone in a different direction with his reviews (mostly ouds and "attars" now). https://youtu.be/HgCtSHncJ2U
The Scented Engineer ▪ Another awesome reviewer who's been inactive for some time (4 months). https://youtu.be/CFqRF1HZk98
Kris K (Kristof Maves) ▪ Cool guy. Eugenes (U Smells Good) better half lol. https://youtu.be/-5h4SEpfnZk
U Smells Good ◽He's not as batshit crazy as he was a couple years ago, but I still watch sometimes. His content has been "interesting" to say the least. https://youtu.be/qE5v67mPX3U
submitted by Tyrone-E to fragrance [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 08:02 ellkate Being in a committed relationship while trying to figure out your sexuality- help!

Okay so I've (F/19) known for years that to some degree I am bisexual or queer. I am attracted to men, women, and non binary people. However, I've essentially only ever pursued or dated men. In other words, I'm bi but my experience with other girls is extremely limited as apposed to my experience with guys. Im currently in a relationship with a man and we've been together off and on for almost two years. I love him a lot and we are mostly happy, but there is a part of me that still feels like I want to explore the side of myself that is attracted to women. I have always had crushes on girls and have felt romantic emotions toward them but I've never gotten into a relationship with a girl. I've never gotten to experience that side of myself fully and I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to settle down in a committed relationship if I haven't explored all the sides of myself first. The problem is that I AM in love with my boyfriend and I don't want to lose him just so I can have sex with a girl. What would you do if it were you? How do you handle your attraction to/ curioucity about girls in a straight relationship? Edit: we have tried to have an "open" relationship in the past and that ended up not working for us so that isn't really an option.
submitted by ellkate to bisexual [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:52 hxdyujhh My boyfriend (23M) told me (20M) the only way he will stay with me is if I have sex

The problem is not him. I love him so much. I've been dating him for two years and I cannot find it in me to break it off. The problem is he is always extremely horny and I do not blame him. However, when we first got together I told him I am waiting for marriage. He understood at first and now he gets increasingly mad everytime I say no. We were watching netflix the other day and he pushed me and unbuttoned his pants, got his dick out, and said I should give him oral and that's the least i could do. I did because he said that if I don't it wouldn't be cheating if he asked another girl to do it since he informed me "pussy is easy" he said :(( even though I really didn't want. He also said I should allow him to touch me but he promised that we won't have PIV. I feel like it's the same thing. I don't want it. I cannot please either of us. Someone will end up at a disadvantage. Do you think I should compromise?
submitted by hxdyujhh to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:43 sketchfag "Runtime error '1004': PasteSpecial method of Range class failed" - Pulling HTML data, last step to Paste as Text Only?

 Sub extractTablesData() Dim IE As Object, obj As Object Dim r As Integer, c As Integer, t As Integer Dim elemCollection As Object Dim hDoc As MSHTML.HTMLDocument Dim hTbl As MSHTML.HTMLTable Set IE = CreateObject("InternetExplorer.Application") With IE .Silent = True .Visible = True .navigate ("https://www.marketwatch.com/tools/quotes/historical.asp") While .Busy Or IE.readyState <> 4 DoEvents Wend Application.Wait Now + TimeValue("00:00:03") Set HTMLDoc = IE.document HTMLDoc.all.Date.Value = "01/01/2020" HTMLDoc.all.symb.Value = "AMZN" HTMLDoc.querySelector("input[src='/images/buttons/go.gif']").Click While .Busy Or IE.readyState <> 4 DoEvents Wend Application.Wait Now + TimeValue("00:00:03") Set iedoc = IE.document HTMLDoc.querySelector("a[href='/investing/stock/AMZN/financials']").Click While .Busy Or IE.readyState <> 4 DoEvents Wend Application.Wait Now + TimeValue("00:00:03") Set hDoc = IE.document Dim clipboard As Object Set clipboard = GetObject("New:{1C3B4210-F441-11CE-B9EA-00AA006B1A69}") Sheets("Sheet1").Cells.Clear clipboard.SetText hDoc.getElementsByClassName("table table--overflow align--right").Item(0).outerHTML clipboard.PutInClipboard ThisWorkbook.Worksheets("Sheet1").Cells(1, 1).PasteSpecial (xlPasteValues) Exit Sub 
  1. Excel Type: Windows
  2. Excel Version: 365
  3. Excel Environment: Desktop
  4. Excel Language: English
  5. Knowledge Level: Beginner
  6. Are you looking for a formula solution, or are you open to Power Query, Power BI, Macros/VBA? Anything
  7. Are you trying to solve a one-off or repetitive task? Repetitive tasks
The above code works fine with (xlPasteValues) removed but I need to paste the data as text only (unmerged, no formatting). In addition, does anyone know how to make this faster? It's extremely slow, and I'd like to do something similar 100s of times in a macro.
submitted by sketchfag to excel [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:41 LeopardSensitive5585 Being black and self hate

So I just wanna preface this and say that I am not ugly by any means but I just want to know if any other black femcel feel this way.
So let’s start out with my history with men: nonexistent. I’ve never had a boyfriend or date or any man ask me out I truly wonder why. I’ve been told I don’t dress like normal girls, especially in the past. I was kind of shameless and wore kids shirts even when I was deep into high school. I wore shoes that were not in style and just overall made no effort to fit in. It realllly hurts me in retrospect because I was disrespected sooooo many times by soooooo many friends and even guys. Like idk if it’s my own low self esteem or if i was being bullied but I was being put down EVERYDAY. And for some reason I was very non confrontational growing up. I was also a part of the marching band and if you know anything about high school stereotypes then u know that marching band kids have a stereotype of being obnoxious, nerdy and unliked or the “bullied.” I really hated it. But I stuck thru it, for whatever reason for all 4 years of high school from ages 14-18. I was in an all (white) boys section and I hated them and they were very cliquey. I had a VERRRRRRRRYYYYY rough time, I was even disrespected by the teacher multiple times. When I wasn’t in marching band I was in band class where I was disrespected EVERYDAY by a “friend” he even went as far as to tell me to my face not to talk to him outside of band. I was so hurt. I don’t know if this is just a WOC issue or a me issue but I’ve always had a low self esteem as a result of those two things: being a WOC/black woman at PWI and being in band, as opposed to something cooler.
Growing up I was raised to have a lot of pride in myself and in my heritage. I love my culture I love where I am from and wouldn’t change it for the world. The issue with who I am: East African, is that there are a lot of issues within our culture of colourism and anti blackness. I’ve been a victim of it from as long as I can remember. I remember going back home when I was a child, 11 years old and being disrespected everyday by parents and relatives and it hurt. There was a point as to which I became very anti-black myself. I didn’t even consider myself black and was extremely racist and self hating against those who were like me or darker.
I feel like I have a unique personal perspective on race and dating that many other women may or may not have. Im East African so I have pretty conventionally attractive facial features. The problem is, I’ve always been made fun of and put down for my hair texture. There’s a stereotype that all East Africans have nice curly hair and all are light skin. I have neither of those things. I have brown skin and VEEERRY coarse hair. It hurts to know that ever since I started “looksmaxxing” I ve been getting sooo much male attention. I’ve been straightening my hair and wearing more makeup and it just hurts to know all this.
I went to a pwi and I dealt with a LOT of mixed emotions. It’s hard growing up as a gen z female in this generation especially if u are a young girl of colour. Social media is incredibly toxic. As for me, my biggest regret in life is getting a phone because i practically used that thing for mental and psychlogical torture on myself. I had a twitter and Instagram and constantly internalized ideas about black women being unwanted and pointed to those as a result as to why nobody liked me. And I’ll admit weirdly enough asi got older I fell into the “alt right pipeline” embarrassingly but who could blame me I was surrounded by a bunch of band kids. The truth is, I developed and still have a weird rage towards yt people and white women. I always feel below them. There were points where I truly felt ugly and unwanted to the point of resenting myself and my blackness. There were points where I internally degraded black women completely disregarding that I was one too. I feel like I was putting other people on a pedestal that they didn’t deserve. And it’s so hard I want to deny all these things, I tried to in my head, a lot. But I realize i might as well face all these hard truths that when ur a WOC ur life and love is not as valued as if u were something else. I’m trying to get over old habits but it’s hard and I’m in emotional pain a lot, I think I have BPD or autism or something.
submitted by LeopardSensitive5585 to Trufemcels [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:40 ALittleStitious1014 MIL considers me a project

Please don’t use my stories. Not really looking for advice, just venting. I feel guilty being annoyed but I can’t help it.
For the record, I (30F) love my MIL (57F). She has a huge heart, and none of her "mildly no" behavior is malicious. But she's very sensitive, opinionated, and at times overbearing. She has a way of unintentionally walking all over people, and I'm struggling not to let it bother me. DH (30M) and I just got married in October, but we had dated for 3 years prior. I knew all this about her before, but somehow it feels different (and more bothersome) now that we're married.
Backstory: I’m not close with my parents. I just started talking to my dad again after 10 years and we're friendly but cautious. I haven't gotten along with my mom since middle school, and this year I went full NC. She loves to cook, but I avoided her for much of my teenage and young adult years, so I never really learned those skills from her. I also had an eating disorder in college, so I spent those formative years avoiding food altogether. Obviously, both are painful memories, so cooking isn't a big passion of mine. I can cook, I just don't get that excited about it. And DH loves to cook, so why not let him do what he loves?
Anyway, I knew the holidays would be tough; being with a happy, sentimental family makes it obvious how unhappy mine was. My childhood wasn't non-existent though. I want to create a blend of DH’s and my traditions as we start own family. I didn’t anticipate that at Thanksgiving this year, it would feel like MIL was "grooming me" to be a better homemaker with her ways of doing things.
It feels like she pities me for not learning some of these basically adulting skills from my parents, and she’s a little too eager to teach me. As a result of my parents, I’m very independent and I enjoy figuring out how to do things myself. For example, I asked if I could have the recipe for the biscuits she made during our last visit, to take home and practice. Instead, she announced to DH and FIL, “Tomorrow we’re having biscuits for breakfast, and OP’s going to make them all by herself!” But then she stood next to me the entire time, saying, “I would do it this way” and explaining every step, though I hadn’t asked for help. This is a SIMPLE recipe. It felt very much like she was teaching a child to bake. Then they all made a big show of complimenting the biscuits that I apparently made myself.
On Thanksgiving, I was in charge of the pumpkin pie. At one point, Joy of Cooking says you can choose between condensed milk or a combo of milk + heavy cream. Not being familiar with the contents of MIL’s pantry, I opted for the milk + cream I saw in the fridge. As soon as I got it out, MIL exclaimed, “Oh no, wait, use this!” and handed me a can of condensed milk. I said, “Oh, sorry, it said either one will work.” She said, “We don’t do it that way.”
Later, I complimented her execution of the Thanksgiving meal saying, “I’m so impressed! I don’t think I’m organized enough to pull this off.” She replied, “Don’t worry, we’ll get you there.” It felt condescending and presumptuous that I want her to teach me. She might as well have said, “We know you can’t cook, but with a little training you can be this good too!” I feel like I’m her pet project and like she thinks I’m not adequately prepared to maintain a home for her son and future grandchildren.
She's also extremely sentimental about her family history, to the point that whenever she sees my engagement and wedding ring (custom made using the metal from her late mother's rings), she takes my hand and starts crying. It's happened several times now, and I've been wearing the engagement ring for almost a year. I am proud to honor DH's grandmother, but it feels as though she sees her mother's ring on my hand, not MY ring on my hand.
Any time I tried to share stories of my childhood, I got a chuckle or a nod, and then she quickly launched into another story about DH, or about her childhood, or about her parents. Because I'm disconnected from my family and a lot of the memories, traditions, recipes, etc., I feel like my influence on the family DH and I are starting will be drowned out by her strong opinions and sentimentality. Like there's a vacuum, and instead of filling it with the life we're building together, her family traditions will take priority and I'm just sort of along for the ride.
submitted by ALittleStitious1014 to Mildlynomil [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:39 cespyy Don’t know what to do

I (29F) met and started dating a guy (31M) in September. After dating for couple months, I realized that he was not for me. He’s extremely insecure, jealous, controlling and manipulative. Long story short, I grew tired of the way he was treating me and I broke up with him last Friday with the intention to never look back. Today, I found out I am pregnant. I do not feel ready to be a mother. And I definitely don’t want to be with him. I never wanted to have a child without a father, a stable home. Again, long story short, I did 10 years in the military and I just got out and started going to school to build a new career. I have no degree yet. And just overall, I don’t feel ready. I haven’t told him yet and I don’t know what to do. Should I tell him? Should I keep the baby and try to work it out with him? Should I have the baby alone and never tell him?? I’m so lost.
submitted by cespyy to abortion [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:35 friedshrimpt Should I still take the ACT test?

I know that many colleges are going test optional this year. My act score is extremely low (23). The next act date is February 6th. Could I still submit my score even after applications are due? Is it worth it to study my butt off these next two months to try and get a better score for potential scholarship money?
submitted by friedshrimpt to collegeapps [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:34 friedshrimpt Should I still take the act test

I know that many colleges are going test optional this year. My act score is extremely low (23). The next act date is February 6th. Could I still submit my score even after applications are due? Is it worth it to study my butt off these next two months to try and get a better score for potential scholarship money?
submitted by friedshrimpt to ACT [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:31 diamondeyes419 I don’t know how to date, only hoe.

I met someone really nice that likes me and wants to date. I told him last night I am borderline and some (like 3) things I deal with including overwhelming emotions, unstable identity and feelings of emptiness. It was a very surface level conversation as I obviously don’t want to scare him off... We made plans to go out this weekend but he said he didn’t have the funds to do so and instead invited me over and would cook us dinner and we could hang out. I’m not thrilled about these kinds of dates bc my tendency to sleep with a person really soon. I explained this to him tonight and told him I’m reconsidering the idea of coming over bc I know how I am. He was really chill about it but felt like I thought he was pressuring me, which I never did. I just know I am extremely attracted to him and will do whatever I have to to make out with him and more lol So we ended our conversation agreeing we’d sleep on the idea and talk about it tomorrow but now I’m crying bc I think I came off as stupid and inconsistent and clearly incapable of controlling my sexual urges and who tf wants to deal with that?? I wanna text him that I’m sorry I am nearly obsessed with him already and have imagined every possible position we could make love and when he talks to me I think about kissing him. And even though he told me he’s protecting his heart I want him to trust me knowing damn well in the blink of an eye I could make him regret ever meeting me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 so do I push him away to save myself? Save him? Or do I try to be normal and just wait and see what happens. Omgggg I hate this wtffff
submitted by diamondeyes419 to BPD [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:23 TreeLegMoss Is dating a woman with “challenging” kids a deal breaker?

Currently dating this woman and things are starting to get serious. We’ve been dating about 4 months and I’m really starting to like her. We like a lot of the same stuff, we get along really well, we have lots of goals in common. We are both small business owners and we both help each other out with that type of stuff. I mean, it’s going really really well. I would even say that I could see a future with her.
We’re both 30 years old. I’ve never been married. She had a divorce in 2017 or 2018 from her abusive husband. The guy really has issues. He pulled a gun on her to intimidate her just this past summer a couple days before I met her and then about 3 weeks after we met he actually attacked her in her home in front of the children one day when he was coming to pick the kids up.
He’s pretty much been on the run since then. He does have pending charges for the attack on her, but I don’t believe he’s been arrested yet. None of this stuff really bothers me though. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker per se, and I’m kind of just filling you guys in on this stuff for background info and really to speak to the kind of troublesome household the kids were being raised in.
AND THEN THERE’S THE KID THING
She has two kids. A 3-year old son and a 5-year old daughter, which isn’t really an issue for me. I, myself have a 5-year old daughter. I love kids. I coach basketball. I work at a youth shelter. I’ve managed group homes for troubled youth and been a pretty good mentor for a lot of kids over the years. Working with the youth is something I’m passionate about.
More about our kids. My daughter is a very sweet child, she is extremely smart and very well behaved. She excels in school, is always highly praised for her behavior and how helpful and kid she is to the other kids and amazingly polite and respectful to adults.
For the woman I’m dating on the other hand it is the complete opposite. She has two extremely challenging kids. I have seen “bad” kids before, but I have never seen anything like this in my life. They both openly disrespect her and disobey everything she says. Just the other day her 3 year old son tried to spit on her when she told him no he couldn’t have cookies.
Both her son and daughter get in trouble very frequently at daycare/school. They have both tried to “fight” their teachers. They use profanity, they have no manners at all. They fight each other. Her 3 year old son even had sexual tendencies.
He was caught in the restroom naked with his sister’s doll naked. He had taken the doll’s clothes off and opened her legs with his penis out attempting to have sex with it. Another instance he took his penis out in front of his sister and rubbed it on her blanket.
These types of behaviors are troubling and I surely wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing my daughter around her kids at all right now. That really bothers me, because I like her a lot. Like, everything about her is nearly perfect, but the kids are an issue for me right now.
She has admitted to me that at times she probably wasn’t the best parent and kind of lost interest in it overtime basically, because of the abuse she was dealing with in the relationship mentally, physically, emotionally and financially combined. I won’t go into too much detail, but it was pretty rough for her with the abuse and infidelity by her cheating husband.
He was a horrible father figure for the kids disrespecting and abusing their Mom in front of them, and probably a horrible parent to them overall and it shows in their behavior. She’s pretty hard on herself and often says she feels as if she has failed as a parent already. She almost feels defeated now when it comes to the kids and kind of looks to me for guidance and help with disciplining them on a daily basis, and unlike her I don’t believe in whooping or putting my hand on a child. It’s not something I’ve ever had to do with my daughter. I’ve never even had to raise my voice at my daughter.
Her kids behaviors are extreme and I’ve never worked with these kinds of behaviors at this age. I’ve really never heard of anything like this. I’m usually working with kids 12-18 with these behaviors. So, this is a little different for me and some times a little much, because I kind of thought most kids this age were kinda like my daughter.
So, now I’m torn. What do I do? Do I continue to date her and try to help her? When if ever should I allow her and her kids around my daughter? Or should this be a deal breaker?
Please help.
submitted by TreeLegMoss to Advice [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:23 Objective_Kangaroo_4 Is it possible to make a relationship work when one person is extremely messy and the other likes to keep a clean house?

Hello reddit!
I have a question and would love some input from couples who have dealt with this. I have seen so many posts in this subreddit about this issue causing strain in relationships so if anyone has any suggestions or success stories, I would love to hear them!
Me (F27) and my boyfriend (M34) have been dating for about a year and a half and have started talking about moving in together. We both own our own homes, but when we do live together, I will be moving in to his house because it's bigger, in a better area, and he has lived there long enough that the house is paid off.
He recently asked me to move in with him, but although I love him and want to be with him more, I'm feeling very anxious about sharing a space with him. His room is a disaster area. Trash piled up, extreme clutter as he has lots of things he collects, and even his bed is cluttered, the half he doesn't sleep on is covered in stuff.
The common areas of the house aren't as bad, but his mom lives with him and likes to collect things as well, so there's not trash everywhere but the whole house is just packed with stuff. There is a spare room that I would like to have as an office for myself, so that's pretty much the only place there would be room for any of my stuff.
I know I can't go into this expecting him to change, if I move in, that's going to be how my living situation will be. He has told me several times he will clean it but it has never happened in the two years I've know him.
So clean people of reddit, any success stories of living together with a messy partner?
TL;DR: My boyfriend wants me to move in with him but he is a very messy cluttered person and I'm a minimalist. Should I give this a go?
submitted by Objective_Kangaroo_4 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:12 dragginmyballs Advice for anxious person to get over the 'hump' and ask someone out.

I (27m) am an extremely nervous person and i overthink a lot of things. My therapist says i am probably on the OCD scale, which i cant really argue, its just that i am the messy OCD type which is hard for people to understand. I havent started my medication for OCD yet because i dont feel like i truly need it.
I just really have a hard time opening up to anyone and ive really never had a girlfriend so it feels like i have no idea what i am doing.
I get a girl in my mind that checks all my boxes and i will get her to know i exist (usually happens a lot at my job being a banker), but then all i do is fantasize about this person. I will see them and say oh this isn't the best time/ i look like shit today/ i dont want to get rejected today/ i just will ask them out next time. This cycle repeats and eventually the person meets someone else or i dont see them again eventually...
Just wanting any advice. I am laying in bed going through this cycle again. I just added this person on facebook so she knows i exist. And i have talked to her and mentioned that i remembered her and such small talk at our bank drive through.
Should i just man up and ask her out randomly? Do i just sound like someone who needs medicine to help them first?
Edit: I am a very skinny person, so i just have the idea that i will never date someone that i find attractive unless i add muscle and add weight to my body. I don't think i look bad at all in the mirror to me but i just think anyone else will think "what a skinny fuck" if my shirt was off or something.
submitted by dragginmyballs to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:07 TreeLegMoss Is dating a woman with “challenging” kids a deal breaker?

Currently dating this woman and things are starting to get serious. We’ve been dating about 4 months and I’m really starting to like her. We like a lot of the same stuff, we get along really well, we have lots of goals in common. We are both small business owners and we both help each other out with that type of stuff. I mean, it’s going really really well. I would even say that I could see a future with her.
We’re both 30 years old. I’ve never been married. She had a divorce in 2017 or 2018 from her abusive husband. The guy really has issues. He pulled a gun on her to intimidate her just this past summer a couple days before I met her and then about 3 weeks after we met he actually attacked her in her home in front of the children one day when he was coming to pick the kids up.
He’s pretty much been on the run since then. He does have pending charges for the attack on her, but I don’t believe he’s been arrested yet. None of this stuff really bothers me though. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker per se, and I’m kind of just filling you guys in on this stuff for background info and really to speak to the kind of troublesome household the kids were being raised in.
AND THEN THERE’S THE KID THING
She has two kids. A 3-year old son and a 5-year old daughter, which isn’t really an issue for me. I, myself have a 5-year old daughter. I love kids. I coach basketball. I work at a youth shelter. I’ve managed group homes for troubled youth and been a pretty good mentor for a lot of kids over the years. Working with the youth is something I’m passionate about.
More about our kids. My daughter is a very sweet child, she is extremely smart and very well behaved. She excels in school, is always highly praised for her behavior and how helpful and kid she is to the other kids and amazingly polite and respectful to adults.
For the woman I’m dating on the other hand it is the complete opposite. She has two extremely challenging kids. I have seen “bad” kids before, but I have never seen anything like this in my life. They both openly disrespect her and disobey everything she says. Just the other day her 3 year old son tried to spit on her when she told him no he couldn’t have cookies.
Both her son and daughter get in trouble very frequently at daycare/school. They have both tried to “fight” their teachers. They use profanity, they have no manners at all. They fight each other. Her 3 year old son even had sexual tendencies.
He was caught in the restroom naked with his sister’s doll naked. He had taken the doll’s clothes off and opened her legs with his penis out attempting to have sex with it. Another instance he took his penis out in front of his sister and rubbed it on her blanket.
These types of behaviors are troubling and I surely wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing my daughter around her kids at all right now. That really bothers me, because I like her a lot. Like, everything about her is nearly perfect, but the kids are an issue for me right now.
She has admitted to me that at times she probably wasn’t the best parent and kind of lost interest in it overtime basically, because of the abuse she was dealing with in the relationship mentally, physically, emotionally and financially combined. I won’t go into too much detail, but it was pretty rough for her with the abuse and infidelity by her cheating husband.
He was a horrible father figure for the kids disrespecting and abusing their Mom in front of them, and probably a horrible parent to them overall and it shows in their behavior. She’s pretty hard on herself and often says she feels as if she has failed as a parent already. She almost feels defeated now when it comes to the kids and kind of looks to me for guidance and help with disciplining them on a daily basis, and unlike her I don’t believe in whooping or putting my hand on a child. It’s not something I’ve ever had to do with my daughter. I’ve never even had to raise my voice at my daughter.
Her kids behaviors are extreme and I’ve never worked with these kinds of behaviors at this age. I’ve really never heard of anything like this. I’m usually working with kids 12-18 with these behaviors. So, this is a little different for me and some times a little much, because I kind of thought most kids this age were kinda like my daughter.
So, now I’m torn. What do I do? Do I continue to date her and try to help her? When if ever should I allow her and her kids around my daughter? Or should this be a deal breaker?
Please help.
submitted by TreeLegMoss to stepparents [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 07:05 throwaway29393848474 I(20F) wish my boyfriend(23M) was more thoughtful.

I have found myself thinking this a couple of times, and every single time I feel like a complete asshole for it.
For some background, I (20F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for 4 years now. I love him with all of my heart. Our chemistry is wonderful and we're best friends. We just got our first apartment together. However, this doesn't come without some issues in the emotion department. He doesn't really understand how to show that he cares. He never plans things, leaves planning and decisions to me, never does anything to surprise me, etc. I am an extremely empathetic person who takes care of others first and myself last. This often leads to me feeling like he doesn't care, and neglected.
This past week, I lost my beloved grandma who I was extremely close to. I lived with her when I had nowhere else to go; she took care of me and I took care of her. I have been absolutely miserable between mourning her, helping plan her funeral, sorting through her things, helping my grandpa, etc. all this week. I come home from a rough day of doing all that and more, wanting to be comforted. My bf works a 9 to 5, makes a lot and he loves working.
Heres where things start to hurt for me. I come home and he asks, "So... what do you want for dinner?". No how was your day, comfort, or anything. This pissed me off (I make dinner btw, not him). I say I don't know because I'm too stressed to think about it. He just says, "ok..". Then he says, "Also, im gonna work this weekend if thats ok?" (he has weekends off, but sometimes likes to do overtime). I should mention, this weekend is our anniversary. This means that he forgot. About a month ago, I asked him if he would plan our anniversary because it would mean a lot to me bc I have planned the last three (I adore surprises, gifts, plans being made for me, anything to show a person thought about me). He was annoyed and shrugged it off when I asked. To note, I HATE having to ask to be thought of. I HATE asking for comfort, or care, or anything that I would do automatically for someone. He knows this, and he knows what I love.
I guess I just assumed that he would because I had the courage to ask him, and I would do it if the tables were turned in a heartbeat, WITHOUT being asked. Especially because of the loss of a family member. I find myself wishing that I would come home to flowers, or dinner already made for me, a gift, or just a long hug when I walk through the door. These are things that I would have already done for him if he lost someone close. He doesn't do completely nothing - if i tell him im feeling awful he will hug me for a minute and then go back to his video games. This has also happened during my deep depressive episodes (me wishing for comfort and care, only for him to just barely comfort me), and when I lost my job due to Covid and couldn't afford my share of rent, he said, "idk, get a better paying job I guess".
My first instinct would have been to offer to pay full rent that month. I can't afford to go to school because I come from a poor family and dont make enough myself. I mentioned this once, he just said "idk, save up". My first instinct would have been to offer financial help, especially since he makes a lot more than I do. If he was grieving, I would buy him flowers, make dinner, anything to help him feel an ounce of happiness. I find myself wishing that he was more thoughtful, and I feel like an asshole for it. I feel needy and petty, and like I dont appreciate the things that he already does.
Does anyone else have experience with this? What should I do? Why don't I feel fulfilled? I love him.
TL;DR: My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. I'm the kind of person who loves to recieve gifts, surprises, plans made for me, a back rub, etc. I am very empathetic and love to make others feel loved and happy. My boyfriend isn't. Because of this, he never does the things that make me feel loved even when I need it most. He knows that I love these things. Ive been grieving this week, and at most, I get a hug and an I love you. Of course I appreciate this, but I find myself wishing that he was more thoughtful and would do the things that make me feel appreciated and loved. It makes me feel like he doesn't care enough, even though I know he does. I feel like an asshole for thinking like this. Does anyone else have experience with this? What should I do? Why don't I feel fulfilled? Where do I go from here?
submitted by throwaway29393848474 to relationships [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 06:54 TreeLegMoss Is dating a woman with “challenging” kids a deal breaker?

Currently dating this woman and things are starting to get serious. We’ve been dating about 4 months and I’m really starting to like her. We like a lot of the same stuff, we get along really well, we have lots of goals in common. We are both small business owners and we both help each other out with that type of stuff. I mean, it’s going really really well. I would even say that I could see a future with her.
We’re both 30 years old. I’ve never been married. She had a divorce in 2017 or 2018 from her abusive husband. The guy really has issues. He pulled a gun on her to intimidate her just this past summer a couple days before I met her and then about 3 weeks after we met he actually attacked her in her home in front of the children one day when he was coming to pick the kids up.
He’s pretty much been on the run since then. He does have pending charges for the attack on her, but I don’t believe he’s been arrested yet. None of this stuff really bothers me though. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker per se, and I’m kind of just filling you guys in on this stuff for background info and really to speak to the kind of troublesome household the kids were being raised in.
AND THEN THERE’S THE KID THING
She has two kids. A 3-year old son and a 5-year old daughter, which isn’t really an issue for me. I, myself have a 5-year old daughter. I love kids. I coach basketball. I work at a youth shelter. I’ve managed group homes for troubled youth and been a pretty good mentor for a lot of kids over the years. Working with the youth is something I’m passionate about.
More about our kids. My daughter is a very sweet child, she is extremely smart and very well behaved. She excels in school, is always highly praised for her behavior and how helpful and kid she is to the other kids and amazingly polite and respectful to adults.
For the woman I’m dating on the other hand it is the complete opposite. She has two extremely challenging kids. I have seen “bad” kids before, but I have never seen anything like this in my life. They both openly disrespect her and disobey everything she says. Just the other day her 3 year old son tried to spit on her when she told him no he couldn’t have cookies.
Both her son and daughter get in trouble very frequently at daycare/school. They have both tried to “fight” their teachers. They use profanity, they have no manners at all. They fight each other. Her 3 year old son even had sexual tendencies.
He was caught in the restroom naked with his sister’s doll naked. He had taken the doll’s clothes off and opened her legs with his penis out attempting to have sex with it. Another instance he took his penis out in front of his sister and rubbed it on her blanket.
These types of behaviors are troubling and I surely wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing my daughter around her kids at all right now. That really bothers me, because I like her a lot. Like, everything about her is nearly perfect, but the kids are an issue for me right now.
She has admitted to me that at times she probably wasn’t the best parent and kind of lost interest in it overtime basically, because of the abuse she was dealing with in the relationship mentally, physically, emotionally and financially combined. I won’t go into too much detail, but it was pretty rough for her with the abuse and infidelity by her cheating husband.
He was a horrible father figure for the kids disrespecting and abusing their Mom in front of them, and probably a horrible parent to them overall and it shows in their behavior. She’s pretty hard on herself and often says she feels as if she has failed as a parent already. She almost feels defeated now when it comes to the kids and kind of looks to me for guidance and help with disciplining them on a daily basis, and unlike her I don’t believe in whooping or putting my hand on a child. It’s not something I’ve ever had to do with my daughter. I’ve never even had to raise my voice at my daughter.
Her kids behaviors are extreme and I’ve never worked with these kinds of behaviors at this age. I’ve really never heard of anything like this. I’m usually working with kids 12-18 with these behaviors. So, this is a little different for me and some times a little much, because I kind of thought most kids this age were kinda like my daughter.
So, now I’m torn. What do I do? Do I continue to date her and try to help her? When if ever should I allow her and her kids around my daughter? Or should this be a deal breaker?
Please help.
submitted by TreeLegMoss to dating_advice [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 06:53 polyam_TA My wife cheated on me three times and I can't tell anyone I know.

tl;dr -- We were polyamorous but not out with our friends or families. I caught my wife sexting with an old flame and confronted her. She confessed to sleeping with that person, a mutual friend from before we were married, and after pulling teeth, she admitted to a third instance with someone while on a work trip to Italy. I can't tell anyone because they'll draw the wrong conclusion.
When we met over six years ago, I was fresh out of another LTR -- a monogamous one. She was fresh out of a poly arrangement in which she was committed to one person and seeing another (ethically and openly, or so I thought when she described it to me). We clicked instantly like I never thought I would with anyone. Some time passed and I confessed that I was a little bummed out about not really getting to date at all. She told me that she had been poly and it suited her, so she wouldn't mind me dating around. She even set me up with a friend of hers, and that lasted about six months until we moved across the country together.
Fast forward to spring 2019. We got married. Everything seemed great. I was super in love with this person who seemed 100% compatible with me. She and I had shared interests, a similar sense of humor, a sense of adventure, we were both highly compassionate and progressive thinkers. I really felt like I found my person.
In the summer of 2019, she was on an extended work trip in Italy. We talked some throughout, and she described some of the people she had met. One person, she said, she had bonded with in particular. I was happy she had met a friend, but I just couldn't shake this feeling that there was more to that story. I hated the idea of being a jealous person, and besides, I trusted her completely, so I discarded those thoughts.
Late in 2019, she broached the topic of getting involved with someone overseas. The guy from Italy was bisexual and knew a woman my wife would probably like a lot. She told me that the guy and the woman were conveniently poly as well, but that her dominant interest was in this woman. She had this super vulnerable moment in which she confessed that she had a lot of strong feelings about heteronormativity after we got married, and that she really wanted to start exploring her bisexuality, which was causing her a lot of identity anxiety. She really sold me on the idea, assuring me that the guy in the couple was not really a factor, that she wasn't really interested in him, and that they wouldn't be sexually involved when the three of them met. I really sensed that I wasn't getting the full picture, but, wanting to be a supportive partner to her, I agreed (with some caveats). I told her I felt somewhat threatened by this thing, and specifically by the guy's involvement. She assured me it was nothing to worry about. I dropped it.
This year has been terrible for everyone, so as the year went by, I gave her a bit more leeway to involve herself further in the triad. I could tell she was talking to the guy individually, and I occasionally caught a glimpse at their conversations when she left her phone open next to me or she was being careless about keeping it out of sight. She was spending more and more of her time talking to them and spending less and less time on us. I told her as much and she promised to find a better balance.
Things got a little better after a while, but went back to kind of shitty. I was not getting the attention I felt I needed, and our #1 rule about open relationships was always to ensure that we protect ours above all others. What she was doing was not what I agreed to. I think I told her she needed to make changes three or four times this year. I eventually just kind of gave up.
We were cuddling in bed at one point a few months ago when I said playfully, "I love you the most. Do you??" I was expecting an equally saccharine reply, but she looked concerned and said, "I don't love like that..." which really hurt. I felt like this was an easy, obvious answer, especially given that we were fucking married. I pushed a bit more and she was unwilling to say the words I said, but tried to dress it a different way, saying "But I chose you." I still felt really stung by this. It tore me up for about a week.
The whole time I was upset, I really resented that she had her support network with this other couple and I was left alone. She just didn't really make much of an effort to make things right or console me. She later said she was just trying to give me space. I thought that was understandable, but I was still hurt. I eventually got tired of being alone in my misery, so I swallowed my pride and tried to go back to how things were.
Fast forward to a few nights ago. We were both a little stoned and watching TV. I caught glimpses of her talking to her college friend, A. I had some knowledge of this person. They were roommates briefly, involved briefly, but, I thought, close-but-platonic in the present. I didn't really think anything of it. We went to bed and had sex. But then she got up to pee and left her phone open on the bed. I was curious so I glanced. Their messages were sexual. I only read a few lines before I got sickened. She said, "I'm going to fuck [me] tonight but I'll be thinking of you." I was heartbroken. She came back and got in bed and I asked her point blank whether there was something going on between she and A. To her credit, she admitted some of the truth in that moment. She said yes, but only message exchange. For some reason, maybe from numbness, I tried to console her and said we'd talk in the morning. I rolled over and went to sleep, eventually.
In the morning, she actually broke down and admitted the real truth, which is that they had hooked up while she was visiting New York previously. I was disgusted enough, but then she hit me with another bomb. She had apparently also hooked up "some" with a mutual friend she met through me before we moved here, over four years ago. For some reason, this fucked me up more than finding out about A. I think it's because I never once considered this as a possibility. Like, I'd entertained the occasional "what if...?" about she and A, based on how close they apparently were, so I had a consistent, low-grade suspicion. But this other guy? Never, ever thought about that as a possibility. FUCK.
I took that opportunity to ask her if she had been totally forthcoming about the overseas thing. She said no. She admitted that she and Italy guy had hooked up after all, and that her interest in having a relationship with him was a major factor in being interested in getting involved in their thing. I fucking knew it. I just knew something wasn't right with that story.
So here I am, contemplating a life of divorce after just 18 months married. As if this year wasn't fucking miserable enough. She's making all these promises about cutting those people out of her life, blah blah blah. It's bullshit.
So, we get to the point of this post. We were never open about our poly stuff. I can't tell anyone about her infidelity because my friends are largely her friends, and they're going to ask questions. I'm going to have to explain that we were poly, etc., but they're going to say shit like, "well, there's your problem. You should have just had a closed relationship!" I'm sure many will also silently judge me for having an alternative relationship or think I'm probably unfaithful/untrustworthy as well. But the polyamory was never the issue! The issue was that she was a fucking sociopath the whole goddamn time and I had no idea. I was too blind to see it.
The other thing really preventing me from outing her is that her career is extremely promising, but very niche. If this gets out to her colleagues or collaborators, it could seriously ruin her chances of getting the job(s) she has worked her entire adult life to earn. I just can't be responsible for that. You might say, "You're not responsible -- she did this to herself," and you'd be right, but I just can't do it. Her colleagues are friends to me, and I could just never look them in the eye again.
I feel so alone. These last four years here have been the best of my life, in terms of personal growth and career moves. A huge part of the reason for that was her involvement. We were such incredible partners. Everyone admired our connection. But now I know it was all built on unforgivable lies. Fuck this.
One of the most infuriating aspects of this shit is that she had countless opportunities to just tell me the truth. I maybe even would have been amenable, with the right amount of open communication. But no, it just had to be behind my back.
submitted by polyam_TA to self [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 06:52 TreeLegMoss Is dating a woman with “challenging” kids a deal breaker?

Currently dating this woman and things are starting to get serious. We’ve been dating about 4 months and I’m really starting to like her. We like a lot of the same stuff, we get along really well, we have lots of goals in common. We are both small business owners and we both help each other out with that type of stuff. I mean, it’s going really really well. I would even say that I could see a future with her.
We’re both 30 years old. I’ve never been married. She had a divorce in 2017 or 2018 from her abusive husband. The guy really has issues. He pulled a gun on her to intimidate her just this past summer a couple days before I met her and then about 3 weeks after we met he actually attacked her in her home in front of the children one day when he was coming to pick the kids up.
He’s pretty much been on the run since then. He does have pending charges for the attack on her, but I don’t believe he’s been arrested yet. None of this stuff really bothers me though. It wouldn’t be a deal breaker per se, and I’m kind of just filling you guys in on this stuff for background info and really to speak to the kind of troublesome household the kids were being raised in.
AND THEN THERE’S THE KID THING
She has two kids. A 3-year old son and a 5-year old daughter, which isn’t really an issue for me. I, myself have a 5-year old daughter. I love kids. I coach basketball. I work at a youth shelter. I’ve managed group homes for troubled youth and been a pretty good mentor for a lot of kids over the years. Working with the youth is something I’m passionate about.
More about our kids. My daughter is a very sweet child, she is extremely smart and very well behaved. She excels in school, is always highly praised for her behavior and how helpful and kid she is to the other kids and amazingly polite and respectful to adults.
For the woman I’m dating on the other hand it is the complete opposite. She has two extremely challenging kids. I have seen “bad” kids before, but I have never seen anything like this in my life. They both openly disrespect her and disobey everything she says. Just the other day her 3 year old son tried to spit on her when she told him no he couldn’t have cookies.
Both her son and daughter get in trouble very frequently at daycare/school. They have both tried to “fight” their teachers. They use profanity, they have no manners at all. They fight each other. Her 3 year old son even had sexual tendencies.
He was caught in the restroom naked with his sister’s doll naked. He had taken the doll’s clothes off and opened her legs with his penis out attempting to have sex with it. Another instance he took his penis out in front of his sister and rubbed it on her blanket.
These types of behaviors are troubling and I surely wouldn’t feel comfortable bringing my daughter around her kids at all right now. That really bothers me, because I like her a lot. Like, everything about her is nearly perfect, but the kids are an issue for me right now.
She has admitted to me that at times she probably wasn’t the best parent and kind of lost interest in it overtime basically, because of the abuse she was dealing with in the relationship mentally, physically, emotionally and financially combined. I won’t go into too much detail, but it was pretty rough for her with the abuse and infidelity by her cheating husband.
He was a horrible father figure for the kids disrespecting and abusing their Mom in front of them, and probably a horrible parent to them overall and it shows in their behavior. She’s pretty hard on herself and often says she feels as if she has failed as a parent already. She almost feels defeated now when it comes to the kids and kind of looks to me for guidance and help with disciplining them on a daily basis, and unlike her I don’t believe in whooping or putting my hand on a child. It’s not something I’ve ever had to do with my daughter. I’ve never even had to raise my voice at my daughter.
Her kids behaviors are extreme and I’ve never worked with these kinds of behaviors at this age. I’ve really never heard of anything like this. I’m usually working with kids 12-18 with these behaviors. So, this is a little different for me and some times a little much, because I kind of thought most kids this age were kinda like my daughter.
So, now I’m torn. What do I do? Do I continue to date her and try to help her? When if ever should I allow her and her kids around my daughter? Or should this be a deal breaker?
Please help.
submitted by TreeLegMoss to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.12.02 06:50 keepingmyselfsecret UPDATE ON: I feel like the least liked daughter-in-law.

Well I’ve graduated guys, I’m officially the least liked daughter in law, and honestly its kind of freeing.
The advice I got on the last post was to drop the rope, and if FMIL was talking shit about FSIL to me - to be aware that it was probably going both ways and FMIL was probably talking shit about me to FSIL too. Someone also mentioned that the distance FSIL had with FMIL was probably warranted, and with FSIL having been around for longer than me - they probably had more history and issues that I wasn’t aware of.
I’d say that was all spot on.

NEEDED BACKGROUND ON FFIL
I’m going to start this off with some more background on FFIL FMIL and FFIL dated for about six months when they got married, FFIL is ten years older than FMIL. FMIL says the night they got married he said that he was the man of the house and she had to what she was told and going forward it was his say only because that is the husbands role according to the bible. He is previously divorced and gave up custody of his first child. Neither my fiancé nor his older brother have contact with this other half sibling. According to FFIL it's because god spoke to him and told him to do it. According to FMIL its because he didn’t want to pay child support. FFIL talks openly about how he never wanted kids, he missed my fiancé’s older brothers birth, the older brother tells me FFIL was with another woman that night. FFIL talks about how never wanting kids made it hard for him to accept my fiancé’s older brother, and how he specifically didn’t want him, but by the time my fiancé came around FFIL was less bothered and actually spent time with my fiancé vs the older brother. Both of the boys say he was very physically abusive. We’re talking throat grabs, belts, sticks, leaving marks. FMIL said it was to the point where CPS stepped in (fiancé said his brother made the call to protect him) and the boys needed therapy and FFIL need angeparenting classes. FFIL continued the abuse with my fiancé until my fiancé was in his later teens and was able to put FFIL through a wall to get away from him - from what I know FFIL hasn’t touched my fiancé since. The older brother had more of the abuse between the two boys until he moved out. FMIL and the boys talk about how FFIL is very controlling, narcissistic, along with biblically and emotionally abusive. FFIL says he has university credentials, both boys have looked into this and can’t find any proof of this - according to the boys he has a GED equivalent from their birth country. He did have a high paying sales job before they moved to the country we're all in now, but he hasn’t worked in at least fifteen years. He had the job need for citizenship, got his papers, then quit and demanded FMIL become the breadwinner - while FMIL still had to do all household chores. FMIL is the one that is working now has for about 15 years, and according to her and the boys her salary goes into FFILs account and he gives her a small allowance monthly of $100, she isn’t allowed to purchase anything without bringing home receipts. Even though FFIL hasn’t worked in forever - FMIL has to do all the cooking and cleaning and FFIL does nothing, won’t even get himself his own drink, FMIL has to do everything.
FFIL says he’s a ‘radical christian’ and says he hears god speak to him. I’m no expert on the bible, but I spent my whole school life in catholic school and know enough. FFIL constantly twists the bible to his benefit without following through on the practices. He also uses the bible to browbeat his kids and his wife into doing what he thinks they should, taking versus out of context and not actually using the parable of the stories. The hypocrisy is offensive.
I have yet to ever hear anyone ever speak about FFIL in a good light, and with all of the above information - I’m inclined to believe the man is trash too.
The general consensus I get is that everyone tolerates FFIL to be allowed to have access to FMIL.

TAKING REDDITS ADVISE AND DROPPING THE ROPE
I followed through and did exactly that.
About five weeks before the visit is when the planning had started and I preceded to no longer initiate the weekly FaceTime dates my Fiancé and I had with his parents, I stopped texting to chat, I started doing bare minimum in group chats, instead of comments back I’d only give reactions. I have never ignored or not responded to a question and was polite but distant.
After about three weeks of this FMIL calls my fiancé and asks what’s up, according to him - he said that honestly we both weren’t happy with the outcome of the weekend plans and we definitely felt ignored and under appreciated.
FMIL then texts me to tell me that she would like to go dress shopping with me on her august trip, completely avoiding and ignoring the appointment for July. I respond saying the date won’t work due to dress making time restrictions and that I’ll have all the dress purchased before her next trip down. That due to covid and minimizing the wedding to siblings and parents only was already disappointing and I wasn’t willing to compromise on my dress too.
FMIL calls me on FaceTime to talk about what I sent her, FFIL is in the background listening to the conversation.
FMIL then texts my fiancé to tell him that I’ll have picked a dress with my bridal party and mom only, and I’m purposely excluding her. She then lied and said I didn’t invited her in July - how I don’t laugh or smile the same on FaceTime anymore and that she’s clearly offended me and that my Fiancé needs to explain that she’s not intended to do anything wrong and that my Fiancé needs to pass along the apology for her.
---
THEN I PICKED UP THE ROPE - WORST IDEA
My Fiancé wasn’t liking how I decided to handle the situation and distance myself, he told me he didn’t want to be the go between when his mother brought him into the issues between her and I, and how I needed to address it and give her the opportunity to change her behaviour.
Looking back now, if I’d followed my gut and ignored it - we’d probably be better off.
I responded to her directly in text saying that in the future if her and I had issues, or if she had an apology - that they should be coming directly from her, not through my Fiancé. I corrected all the discrepancies and non truths she sent to my fiancé. I explained that this wasn’t the first time she’d bailed on me to hang out with my FSIL and that in the future I was hesitant to make plans with her because I didn’t think she’d be able to follow though and the entire situation was becoming exhausting and something I no longer was interested in participating in. How I encouraged her to take all the time she wanted to with my FSIL, FBIL and their baby - I hoped she had all the fun she wanted, this wasn’t about jealousy or me not wanting her to spend time with them. It was about her lack of consideration for my fiancé and I, and how it sucked. How her words in private weren’t matching up with her actions in public and how I was struggling to trust her going forward.
FMIL took this as a personal attack. Played the martyr and stated how she wasn’t a strong person and how she wasn’t able to tell people no. She then told me I was blaming all of covid on her, how I called her a bad mother, how FFIL had made all the decisions for her. How she was soooo sorry that she ever wanted to spend time with FSIL and FBIL along with her new grand baby. How she was trying to split time evenly and was obviously a failure at everything. How her August trip would be all about my fiancé and I, how she was so excited to help plan the shower with my mother and my maid of honour. Basically stated my feelings and experiences were misguided, that I was blowing things out of proportion and she wasn’t at fault for anything - while simultaneously apologizing for everything she had done. While also saying FFIL was the reason she wouldn’t be going dress shopping and he wasn’t letting her do what she wanted.
My fiancé read the entire conversation, agreed his mother was dismissing us, being dramatic and blowing what I said out of proportion and taking it to the extreme, while also blaming it all on FFIL. My fiancé thought I was polite, never rude or offensive, just honest. He also agreed with my points of contention.
Although FMIL said the convo was private and for us only, apparently she did tell FFIL about it - didn’t show him messages just paraphrased it, resulting in FFIL also blowing the whole thing out of proportion.

THE JULY VISIT
FFIL stayed with us and was a horrible house guest.
FSIL and FBIL were wishy washy with plans and making it hard to settle on plans, actively ignoring direct questions from both us and FMIL.
FMIL was distant.
I showed up and participated, hosted two of the three joint meals - let them enjoy the visit while I cooked and cleaned, mostly to stay away from them without looking rude.
Had cake for all the missed birthdays, gifts for missed mothers day and fathers day along with FMILS bday.
FSIL was rude to both me and my fiancé, anything we did resulted in eye rolls, huffs, and annoyance.
Up until that visit I was allowed to hold and play with their baby, although for some reason this visit seemed to be a problem and I was reprimanded by FSIL for pick him up.
FMIL had spend almost all the time with them, and only one afternoon with us while the baby was napping other than joint meals.
FMIL was always quick to leave and seemed to be pulled away when FFIL wanted.
Twice FFIL told my fiancé I wasn’t allowed to either get FMIL from the lobby or to see her in passing as FMIL was dropping FFIL off at our place. My fiancé told him to shove it and that FFIL wasn’t allowed to dictate what I did.
FMIL spend my whole wedding dress appointment time with FSIL, FBIL and the baby.
As my fiancé and I said goodbye to FMIL and FFIL, my fiancé and his dad got into a fight about FFILs behaviour on the trip and how if he was going to be rude, controlling, and mean - he should just send FMIL down for visits, because the family has a better time that way.
I sent a message after to FFIL saying how shocking it was that in a global pandemic a controlling father in law was the biggest obstacle to dress shopping. How this story wasn’t going to go well to future generations when told, and how he was the villain in this story.
Through all of this FMIL consistently said she wanted to be included but FFIL was the reason she couldn’t be, but she was interested and wanted me to show her things later.
Later when she was home, I asked to FaceTime and talk to her to show her photos of the dress and talk about the experience and brushed me off for a couple days.
Finally after about a week of her brushing me off - she texts me asking to see photos, I sent her a one time view only on instagram messenger with a photo fo the model wearing the dress from the website. After all but begging for her attention I was over the lack of response and the avoidance, and I don't reward bad behaviour.

FFIL AND HIS STAY WITH US DURING THE JULY VISIT
He expected to be waited on hand and foot.
FFIL said things like;
‘Black people are inferior and have ticker skulls and smaller brains.’
My response was how that was white supremisit level racist thinking, and if that had any truth in that fake fact that it would have been used for decades as propaganda and slander against black people - itshasn’t because that’s not true.
FFIL responded with ‘A doctor in South Africa told me this, so it's true.’
I responded with a white doctor during the apartheid was not a reliable source and he should be reeducated.
FFIL responded with ‘When I was a child a black woman wiped my ass so I can’t be racist. I let black people nanny my kids, and clean my house and I PIAD them, I’m not racist.’
I told him those things didn’t make him not racist and we could agree to disagree on this one.
He then proceeded to tell me that 'all Canadians (where we live now) have an inferior gene pool and we’re all inbreeds and that why we all have weak immune systems and get sick all the time.'
I responded with - my interracial family (which includes black people) would disagree with that, and having grown up in Ontario with nothing but immigration and multiculturalism and the county with the highest refugee population intake in the world last year - he was wrong and misinformed.
(To clarify my Fiancé and his parents are white. My Parents, siblings, and I are also white. Aunts and cousins have married in and birthed several different skin colours and cultures - something FFIL was well aware of when he said this to me)
That turned into ‘All Canadians are lazy and don’t work hard’
I responded with the fact that he retired in his forties and how the irony in that statement was hilarious. Especially considering the fact that my father was a hard worker and did nothing but work over time to provide for his family, and his father before that worked from the ground up to be Sr. Vp of one of the major five banks in Canada.
__
FFILS EMAIL TO MY FIANCE
FFIL sends an email to my Fiancé a week after FMIL and FFIL left saying my Fiancé needed information.
FFIL said that I sent a lengthy letter to FMIL telling her what type of person she was and asking for an apology for everything that happened concerning arguments and who she is. That he wouldn’t be forwarding what was said between FMIL and I, but that FMIL shouldn’t have to apologize. That I was horrid and attacked FMIL.
That because of my text FFIL decided to punish me by not having FMIL go to the dress appointment because of what I said in my letters.
That my Fiancés brother and his wife were family, and I wasn’t which meant I wasn’t important to factor into timing and events.
That I sent FFIL messages after they left but that FFIL wouldn’t share the content but that FFIL blocked me on FB for it.
That my Fiancé and I should and I quote ‘'Do not try and split that which has stood the test of time and commitment between mom and myself by saying what you said on Monday.” In reference to my fiancé telling him not to come and visit if he couldn’t be nice.

THE FACE TIME CALL
After the email was sent my fiancé says we’re FaceTiming his parents because his father crossed another line.
My fiancé points to them were;
Don’t interrupt me at work with petty shit, this could all have been dealt with not during work hours.
That FFIL was over the line with his email, trying to control the narrative by ’tattling’ on me and not providing any proof. That the slander and lies about me would no longer be tolerated.
That my fiancé has read all messages gong back and forth between both of them, because I willing provided them and wanted him to have all the information, that my fiancé didn’t think there was anything wrong with my behaviour and he agreed with me.
Things FFIL said to us;
That me saying I would tell the truth about his bad behaviour was vile and vicious, and I shouldn't speak of his behaviour.
That he had blocked me on social media going forward but that me blocking him in return was rude and I shouldn’t do that.
I wasn’t family until paper work was signed. (Although when convenient and in his benifit in the past, he would call me family)
My fiancé and I are less important to them because we hadn’t birthed them a grandchild.
Things FMIL said to us;
She was overwhelmed with how great my family was at arts and crafts and being included in conversations about the wedding was stressful and overwhelming.
How Covid had taken a lot away from us for the wedding and it was stressful for her to talk about anything in regards to the wedding because she felt bad and for us.
That she was near 60 and she’s been apologizing to people for her whole life and shouldn’t have to apologies for her bad behaviour anymore.
That because when she made plans with us and we expected her to follow through, she never wanted to make plans with us again because she didn't want to be held accountable.
That even though she never directly asked for time alone with my fiancé she shouldn't have to ask and we should just know to let her have time alone with him.
___
WHERE I'M AT NOW
I dropped the rope completely at this point.
What a waste of my time and energy.
After years of playing the perfect daughter in law, hosting, showing up to everything, reminding my Fiancé to call on the holidays, send gifts, call them back. I”M DONE.
I literally just asked for a little more attention for both of us as a couple, and they took it as a personal attack and decided that because we expected to be treated not even equally - just nicely, we weren’t worth their time.
The irony in FFILs comment about us not being important because we hadn’t given them grandchildren shook me. The fact that FMIL didn’t disagree but just nodded her head after he said that pissed me off.
Jokes on them though, we will not be exposing our future children (wedding is February and we’re ready to try right after) to any type of FFILs abusive behaviour nor FMIL blatant favouritism.
There is more to the story and the aftermath of all of this, but that will be another post for another time.
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2020.12.02 06:44 sIowrain I (20F) don’t know how I feel about my boyfriend (19M) joining the National Guard

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 7 months now and the relationship has been going extremely well. Prior to us dating, he had an interest in joining the Air Force, which made me a little cautious in dating him (as I always tend to hear that being in a relationship with anyone in any branch is very difficult and different than normal). He made the choice to not end up going, which is when I made my feelings clear to him that I was interested, etc.
He’s in the “I’m lost and I don’t know what I’m doing” stage right now in life, and he thinks that joining the National Guard would help him with that situation, as well as also going to community college at the same time. I’m a little iffy about the situation, as I don’t really want things between to change and I don’t know how him joining will effect stuff. I don’t know a whole lot about the NG, but from what he told me, it’s not /supe intense as the other branches. I want to be supportive of him and his decisions, but at the same time, I don’t know if there are any uncertainties that I should be aware of?
TLDR; my bf might join the national guard and i’m worried it might effect the relationship
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2020.12.02 06:34 CommunicationBrave35 In Late 1943 to Early 1944 Woman are killed in the night and dragged to empty lots. From South Dakota to New York. Are the eight men convicted ? Minor connections between cases.

*Title should say “Are the Right men convicted?”
This write up began as a attempt to shed light on the obscure unsolved murder into WAC Lieutenant Naomi K Cheney of Sioux Falls, South Dakota on October 5th 1943. Research into the murder quickly hit a wall as investigative techniques at the time were unable to recover much in the way of physical evidence. However a article in the New York based Poughkeepsie Journal references the Cheney murder and its similarities to the murder of Army Nursing Cadet Lucille Elizabeth Lawrence in Poughkeepsie, New York on October 27 1943. It then turned into a number of articles all featuring Women killed in the MidWest and East Coast all within a year of each other. Each was ambushed out of the dark and murdered in a vacant lot. Possible that each is the work of the same killer ? Upon finding additional similar cases with convictions, it seems police may have been quick to rush those who had been committed to institutions.
A Brief Summary of both cases: Naomi Cheney
Lucille Elizabeth Lawrence
Many potential suspects were tracked down but none led to any useful information being acquired. However in early December a man by the name of Bernard Butler would approach a New York City police officer and confess to the crime.
On the day the girl's body was found both the New York Times and the Poughkeepsie Journal quote Dr Howard P Carpenter deputy county medical examiner cautioned authorities to hasten the apprehension of the killer. He said “The girl was killed by an insane person, a crazy person. And he warned that unless an early arrest was made other victims might be found”. Did they race to a conclusion due to the public pressure to apprehend a killer ? I think there's a definite possibility.
Four members of the Butler family, Butlers Mother and Father as well as his brother (17) and sister (18) testified that Butler was in bed at the time the murder was commited. The Mother Brother and Sister all said under direction examination by Mr Mulvey that
Bernard was in bed and “sound asleep” at approximately 20 minutes until 12 and that they did not hear him get up or go out. Mr Butler said Bernard was asleep when he came home at 12:15 and was still asleep when he went to bed at 12:45. Bernard's brother Joseph testified that he closed down his fathers store around 10:30pm and that his sister picked him up at 10:45. After arriving home they put the car away at around 11. He said he had something to eat with his mother and sister in the kitchen, that when he went into the bedroom off the kitchen that he shared with his dad and brother, the accused was asleep. He said he awoke at about 7:15 the next morning and found Bernard in the Kitchen. Butler's sister Mary says that Bernard went to sleep at around 8:15pm. He was there when she left to pick up Joseph at 10:30 and he was there when they arrived home at 11. Ms Butler related that Bernard read the papers in great detail when concerning the paper. She recalled that her “son exhibited an un usual interest in the murder when he learned about it. That the morning of the murder Bernard had gone outside after breakfast and talked to the boy next door. The boy told Bernard about the finding of the body and details he had heard around town that morning. The boy then asked Bernard if he would like to go see the body, he replied that he “did not”. Bernard’s mother said she had her son committed to Hudson River about 11 years ago as he would wander away. She replied that he had wandered away to either Albany or New York City nearly 15 times. She said after being boarded about on May 24th of the previous year, Ms Butler admitted that Bernard had wandered away twice that summer for long stretches of time.
Bernard was found guilty of murder and sentenced to 30 years.
Both Cheney and Lawrence were members of the United States Army. Cheney as a WAC (Women's Army Corps) and Lawrence a Army Nursing Cadet. Their murders occurred just 3 weeks apart. Interestingly another Army WAC named Maoma L. Ridings was killed inIndianapolis on August 28th , 1943. The case itself is quite a bit different than that of Cheney or Lawrence but the Army connection and timeline do call for possible investigation. I will provide a small summer for the Riding’s case. ​ Maoma L. Ridings
More information for the Ridings murder can be found at:
https://www.indystar.com/story/news/2013/10/01/indiana-unsolved-the-1943-murder-of-cpl-mao ma-ridings-at-the-upscale-claypool-hotel-remains-a-mystery/2901193/ http://studyofindianacoldcases.blogspot.com/2018/07/maoma-ridings.html
Continuing on with my journey down the Rabbithole I stumbled upon the murder of Pearl May Weatherill of Council Bluffs, Iowa on May 13th 1943. This murder takes place just a few months before the Cheney and Lawrence murders. It shares a number of similarities to our previous murders in New York and South Dakota. Furthermore a case involving Ms Agda Moline of Omaha who was killed on January 9th 1944 is connected to the murder of Ms. Weatherill. At one point the police looked at the same man for each crime. We will look at each crime due to their similarities as well.
Pearl May Weatherill
This is where the connection to Ms Agda Moline of Omaha who was killed on January 9th 1944 comes into play. I will give a brief summary of her murder. ​ Ms Agda Moline
Tellings of May’s exact confession can be difficult to tie down. Dates and times are changed. When it was asked how Harry became a suspect in the Moline case It is said it is because Harry admitted to it. In the Moline investigation Harry's confession is described a bit differently.
Is there an undiscovered serial killer ? Not likely but it is interesting to look at the short time frame in which these murders occurred and how many followed the same pattern. A woman bludgeoned or strangled to death and then dragged into a vacant lot or alley. Robbery was never a confirmed motive and rape was never considered likely on any of the victims. If anything this write up will shed some light on a few unsolved murders that are rarely talked about. I do think it is interesting though to look at the two men who were accused. Bernard Butler and Harry May. Both men may have had their problems, but were they killers ? or were they pushed into a conviction and then whisked away to a hospital unable to fight their case.
The New York Times The Poughkeepsie Journal The Knoxville Journal The Courier (Waterloo) Argus Leader (South Dakota) Lincoln Journal Star
https://www.newspapers.com/
Cheney Info: https://www.argusleader.com/story/crime/2015/05/06/naomi-cheney-unsolved-murde70881412 /
https://www.argusleader.com/story/life/2017/11/17/looking-back-womens-army-corp-officer-fou nd-slain-near-12-th-grange-1943/870073001/
Most of the cases talked about do not have links. If anyone has any ideas on suspects, theories on who’s guilty and who’s Innocent, or if they believe all if any of the crimes are connected please comment.
Anyone see a Serial Killer connection ?
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2020.12.02 06:32 dwide_k_shrude Update: Help me, please. I (28M) am giving my formerly narcissistic and emotionally manipulative ex (26F) another chance and I’m wondering if it’s a mistake. What should I do?

Here is the original post, update at the end:
We started dating in February/March this year after meeting online. We hit it off very well. There was an instant chemistry between us. Then, after a few weeks, she began displaying some instances of narcissistic behavior. For example, I would gently and kindly tell her something like “Where is this going?” After I brought up the subject, she would start to become very irritated and say things like, “Why are you saying stuff like that? Why do you have to ruin everything for us?” She would start crying and say, “You’re making me cry now. How could you do this to me? How could you hurt me so much?” She would then tell me that, “I was just about to eat dinner and now you ruined it. We’re going to talk later and you’re going to redeem yourself.” This is just one example, but there are more.
I know that sounds negative so far, but there really are some great moments between us. During the times we are genuinely happy and enjoying each other, I’ve never felt that kind of happiness and joy in my previous relationships. We also click very well physically, as well as have similar values and what we want in life.
I finally decided to end things a couple months ago because I didn’t feel like I was being treated right and valued the way I deserve to be. I felt like I was being taken for granted. Also, she was rude and hurtful at times. I wrote her a long text explaining everything and that she was emotionally abusing me and I told her that I had to block her so we both could have time to heal. A month and a half later, she finds a way to get a hold of me and really opens up and apologizes for everything. She said that I really do deserve to be treated better and that she believes that she can improve. After talking for many hours and addressing every issue, I decided to give her another chance. She said she has changed, and to her credit, she really has been actively catching herself saying, or about to say, something negative or hurtful and she immediately apologizes in the moment and says that she is trying to do better. To be honest, she has been improving her behavior. Though, there are some bumps here and there, but we address them and move forward.
The thing is, she is also not emotionally stable, and she knows this. She can be extremely happy one moment and extremely sad the next. She can be unpredictable. Having dealt with mental illness, I see some manic-depressive with her. I completely understand mental struggles, but I don’t think she is getting the help she needs.
I’m just a little apprehensive. I know that I can fall deeply in love with her more easily than I have with anyone else. I know that there is a possibility things could be really great. I also know that there are risks involved. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before, even in longer relationships. It’s also important to note that when she does completely open up and show love to me, it’s also in a way that I’ve never experienced with any girl in the past.
What should I do? Please, don’t hold back your honest opinions or advice.
Here is a little more background from a previous post, if anyone is interested.
Edit: I want to make sure to say that I am not trying to diagnose her. It’s just a thought that I have. I’ve been through a lot of therapy and have gotten to know bipolar people who are some of the most amazing human beings I’ve ever met. I am not trying to discriminate against anyone in any way. =)
Update: So, I’ve been really considering all of the advice people have given me. You all have helped me more than you know. It’s just that my love for her and very strong feelings over the last few days have me thinking I should give her another chance. Loving her comes so easy to me. I just don’t want to make the wrong decision. I want both of us to be happy in the end. I care a lot about her and want her to be in a good place emotionally and mentally, as she doesn’t have many friends at all. I’m asking you all for help again because this situation is new to me. All of my past relationships weren’t with anyone who had narcissistic tendencies.
I also want to add another recent example of narcissism. Her brother was involved in a serious car accident in the middle of the night (he’s ok now) and her mother was up the whole night crying and worrying. He was immediately sent to the hospital. Instead of helping her mother, she got very agitated because her mom’s crying kept her up and she wasn’t able to sleep. She even held this against her mom and brought it up again.
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